Haja
by Loxodonta-Magica
Summary: Harry discovers his animagus form in a violent way. Becoming an animagus is never easy, but it may be harder for the Boy Who Survives...
1. Chapter 1

**Haja**

Chapter 1

His lungs burned. Sweat had made his shirt stick to his back and the too-large jeans felt weighed down with it. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on getting his breath back. The yelling seemed far away and he felt as if it might be getting further away. He prayed he was hearing it correctly. If he could just have a little time, maybe he could get out of this…

The morning had begun like all the others. Aunt Petunia had screamed at him to wake up and fix breakfast before beginning on an endless list of jobs around the house. He had forgotten that it was also Dudley's birthday until he saw the huge pile of gifts on the table. Uncle Vernon was his usual vindictive self as he cuffed Harry for taking too long to bring his coffee.

"Mind you don't burn anything, you freak. Dudley's day will be perfect."

Harry rolled his eyes. It was always the same. They always demanded that he not burn anything, as if he did it often. The reality was that it had happened once, when he was six years old. The bacon had burned when Aunt Petunia had sent him upstairs to fetch Dudley's favorite sweater. Never mind that he couldn't button it over his belly, or that it would be too hot a day for it. The result was that the bacon was too crisp when Harry was able to return to the pan, and they all blamed him for it. Ever since, there was not a time in the kitchen when he was not admonished to not burn anything.

"Dad!" Dudley yelled. "The freak rolled his eyes at you behind your back! I saw him!" Dudley was positively gleeful as he pointed a fat finger in Harry's direction.

Vernon grew red in the face and he slowly stood up and turned to face Harry. Petunia quickly picked up her own coffee cup and moved away from the table. Dudley was grinning.

"Wallop him for it dad. Wallop him good!"

Harry swallowed the knot in his throat as he set the spatula down. His right hand reached instinctively for his wand and Vernon saw it.

"You'd dare to think about using that freakish business on me, boy?"

Harry rubbed his hand on his thigh. Of course, his wand was locked in his trunk and the trunk was locked in the cupboard. "No, Uncle Vernon. I wouldn't do that—"

"You're a liar, boy! I saw you reach for it! But it's put away safe and sound, isn't it? You're helpless without it, aren't you?" he mocked.

Harry shook his head. "I wouldn't hurt anyone without reason!"

"Of course not!" Vernon growled. "You can't use your freaky stick while you're here, can you? You'll get in trouble again, won't you?"

"I'm allowed to defend myself—"

"You're allowed nothing that I don't allow!" came the roar from the plum-faced man. He had come to stand right in front of Harry, backing him against the kitchen counter. Now he grabbed two fist fulls of Harry's shirt front and hauled him up so that their faces were inches apart. "Those freaky friends of yours haven't set one toe around here that I've seen this summer! Abandoned you as a waste, eh Potter?"

Harry started to protest and the stopped when Vernon gave him a shake. It was true. Despite the fact that the Order had told Vernon they would be watching closely last summer, this summer there was nothing to indicate that they were around. No one had issued any threats at Kings Cross when Vernon had picked Harry up. Only Ron and Hermione had witnessed the humiliating sight of Harry dragging his trunk along behind Vernon as the man muttered dire threats against being seen or heard by the neighbors after they got home.

There had been no owls in the last month. No words of comfort and promises of being able to get away from Privet Drive early. Harry had thought that since this was the summer he turned seventeen, he would be allowed to leave sooner. He would be a legal adult wizard. He had expected that plans would be made to let him go to the Burrow, or barring that, to Grimmauld Place, to celebrate the event. But here it was, only a week away and there had been no word. Needling thoughts that Dumbledore meant for him to stay here the entire summer this time kept making themselves known and Harry would push them roughly to the back of his mind.

He didn't have access to any of his books, locked away as they were, so he was glad that Hermione had made the three of them cram in all the extra study sessions before the term let out. They weren't studying normal work. They had decided that the three of them would do their utmost to become animagi before graduation.

Hermione had ordered the books through owl post so no one would know what they were up to. After much discussion, they had determined that it was only good sense that they had a secret that no one else knew. It had given Harry a sense of deeper camaraderie to have that secret with his best friends, and a rebellious sense of satisfaction that Dumbledore didn't know it. Merlin only knew that the man had kept many secrets of his own these last few years; secrets that Harry felt he should have known, and that would have changed how he had reacted to certain events.

Before school had let out, the three of them had worked themselves up as far as trying to visualize their animagus form. Ron was some kind of canine, while Hermione was certain that hers was an owl. Harry had managed to make a change in his eyes and the pupils had vertical slits. Ron had thought that meant Harry would be a type of snake, since he also spoke Parseltongue. Hermione had shaken her head. There were other animals with slitted pupils besides snakes. She had encouraged them both to spend time meditating and concentrating on their forms over the summer, and hoped they would come back to school with clear pictures of what they were going to transform into. The books had said that it took months, if not years, to be able to channel their magic into the proper alignments and resonances in order to accomplish the change. Most witches and wizards could not ever do it, as they had not the depth of desire, nor the magical power to channel in the first place. The fact they had visualized a form at all meant they could do it. She thought they would have to be fully qualified adults before they could complete it.

She and Ron had already turned seventeen. Harry wondered if they had practiced together. He couldn't help feeling a bit jealous that they would have had each other to support their efforts while he was alone with his own meditation each night, locked in his room.

He realized he had made a huge mistake in letting his thought drift when Vernon yanked him even closer, the heat of his breath in Harry's face as he roared, "You will NOT ignore me boy!"

He shoved Harry backwards and the force of it slammed his ribs against the countertop. He winced with the sharp pain in his back, but Vernon was already turning to his son.

"I think you should take your cousin out today, Dudders. In honor of your birthday, he should spend the day with you and your friends."

Dudley sputtered in outrage at his father's suggestion. "But we're going to the movies, and then the clubs—"

Vernon grinned and nodded. "And so you shall. But first, you and your friends could include Harry in a little coming-of-age celebration, I think."

Dudley began what would have been a gigantic tantrum if he had not suddenly realized what his father was offering; the chance to do whatever he wanted to his cousin, with his dad's blessing. An identical vicious smirk appeared on his face.

Petunia stepped forward, "The boy has chores to do today—"

"Oh he'll do them later dearest. He'll do them before nightfall. Dudley and his friends just want to have a little fun first." Vernon patted her arm. Then he turned to Harry and snapped, "Finish making breakfast, freak. My son is hungry and you are dawdling around as if you have all day!"

Harry silently turned back to the stove, glad he had turned the flame off when his uncle had headed over to him, or else it would have been ruined by now. He finished the eggs and gathered the toast on a platter. As he was putting it on the table, he heard Dudley out in the hallway on the telephone.

"…yeah, dad told me to take the freak out for fun, and you and Piers are invited. It's one of my presents! I think we'll take him out to the woods beyond the park. It's private there…"

The rest was lost in whispers and Harry swallowed back a moan of despair and he tried to think how he could get out of this. He glanced at Petunia, knowing she was aware of what was about to happen. She was studiously ignoring him, focusing on fussing with the table settings and then the stack of gifts at Dudley's place.

Vernon was behind his newspaper again, peering over the top every few moments to glare at Harry.

Dudley came back in and sat down, immediately dishing up an enormous pile of eggs onto his plate. "Both of them can come! They'll be here in a half hour." He looked up at Harry standing still by the table and grinned. "Best put your fastest shoes on, freak. We're going on a Harry Hunt for real today."

Vernon chuckled behind his paper and Petunia paled but kept silent. Harry just stared at his cousin and then calmly walked out of the room and up the stairs to the extra bedroom. Hedwig was in her cage and he walked over to her.

"Go to Ron's. I'm not sure if it will be safe here anymore." He opened the window and Hedwig flew to his shoulder where she gave him a tiny nip on the earlobe before taking off.

Going to the rickety wardrobe, he pulled out another shirt and layered it on top of the one he already wore. It wouldn't be any real protection, but it made him feel better to have the extra layer on, like a kind of mental armour. He sat down on the bed and closed his eyes. Using the meditative techniques he had been practicing, he tried to calm the rapid beating of his heart. With no wand he was helpless against the likes of Dudley.

He had no doubt that his cousin would do his best to hurt him badly. It wouldn't be the first time, but this time it was different. Before, it was always an attack of opportunity, when Harry was in his way, or when he accidently met up with him and his friends while on a walk to the store for his aunt. This time, Dudley was planning his attack, planning just how to hurt Harry. This time he had his father's blessing and verbal encouragement.

Blinking his eyes open, he wondered if there were any Order members who would see him being taken from the wards of Privet Drive. Would there be someone who would alert Dumbledore? If they only had some prearranged signal that Harry could give to let them know he was in trouble.

He looked down at his feet and shook his head. These were his fastest shoes, his only shoes. They were a size and a half too large and the laces were knotted together to make them long enough to tie. Dudley had thrown them to Harry after making certain that the soles were tearing away from the leathers, and flapped when Harry walked unless he shuffled. He had thought that the first thing he would buy when he left Privet Drive for good was a top-quality pair of trainers. He would have done so before now, if he hadn't been afraid of his uncle's reaction to anything new. He would be questioned relentlessly about any purchases and Harry was determined that Vernon would never find out about the money his parents had left him.

Giving a disgusted snort, he threw himself back to lay on the bed. He was disgusted by his weakness in this. With his wand, he was a powerful wizard. But without it, he was nothing. He was supposed to be here in the summer because it was safe from Voldemort. But what was going to keep him safe from his relatives? Why was he forced to return here year after year? Granted, after the first few refusals, Harry had not tried very hard to convince Dumbledore. The man was a top mage, for Merlin's sake! Surely he could see, could know, how Harry was treated here. Harry waffled back and forth between wanting to believe that Dumbledore had no real idea or he would whisk him away from this, and believing that Dumbledore knew but didn't care about anything more than keeping his 'weapon' safe behind the blood wards.

From downstairs his cousin yelled, "Come on, freak! It's Harry Hunting time!" followed by the uproarious laughter of the two bullies who hung around with him.

Maybe they'd just beat up on him a little. If he was fast enough in these bloody shoes, maybe he would out run them and stay hidden long enough for them to lose interest in the hunt. Maybe….


	2. Chapter 2

**Haja**

Chapter 2

_He should have refused to leave the house. He should have gone to Aunt Petunia and demanded that she keep Dudley away. He should have reminded her that Dumbledore would find out and he would be angry with her._

_He should have fought back while he was still in the neighborhood, within sight of the neighbors the Dursleys wanted so desperately to impress; the ones they wanted to keep their nephew 's secret from. Then Dudley might have had some limitations on his actions._

_He should have begged Dumbledore to let him stay with Ron at the Burrow. He should've confessed the embarrassment that his own family treated him like a house elf and worse. Now that he knew what 'normal' was, how a real family was supposed to treat a child, he knew that the Dursleys were not normal in how they treated Harry. They never had been. What he had taken for normal was nothing but abuse. They hated him with every waking moment and likely dreamed up ways of making him miserable in their sleep. He knew now that they were paid each month from a trust fund; money that was to be used for his necessities, like clothing, school supplies, medical care. It was not apparent to him that the money had ever been spent on him. Certainly, he had never had new clothes or shoes, except times when Dudley's old ones were simply too ripped or worn to be decent. Then, Petunia begrudgingly went to the second-hand store to get him the cheapest items she could find. If she had taken Harry and Dudley along for the trip, she and Dudley got ice cream afterwards while Harry waited in the car pretending to be invisible and not interested in treats like ice cream. _

_He wished that he had studied harder when he, Hermione and Ron were working on their animagus forms. He wished he had worked harder at learning wandless magic. He was uncertain if wandless magic could be detected by the Ministry, though. The scare with the Dementors had been enough to make him hesitate to try it. After all, he only had to endure for the time Dumbledore said was necessary until the wards had been satisfied._

_Yes, his ribs hurt, and his lungs were nearly bursting underneath. Piers had stuck him with a switchblade when he had gotten close enough and Harry was certain that it had penetrated through the ribs and into his right lung. The shirts he was wearing were blood-soaked on that side. _

_He had fallen over the shoes more than once and had the nasty scrapes and bruises for it. His left ankle felt as if he had twisted it._

******

Dudley had slung an arm over Harry's shoulders when he had finally come downstairs to their calls. "You're worse than a girl with taking your time to get ready. And look at you; you didn't even dress up for my birthday." He shook his head mockingly. "I'm very disappointed, Harry. You could have made a small effort to make my birthday more memorable." The arm squeezed him roughly before pushing him away. Dudley turned to his father. "We're leaving now. We'll be back before it's time to leave for the movies."

Shoving Harry in front of the group, they made their way out of the house. At the door, Vernon called, "Have fun Dudley. I'm sure your cousin will cooperate. If he doesn't, he'll have me to deal with when you get home."

As they walked down Privet Drive in the direction of the park, the boys surrounding him were loudly jovial, and had been acting as if this was like any other summer day outing. Dudley had an old backpack on that clanked when he shifted it on his back. When Harry eyed it, Dudley had just smirked and sent him along with a shove.

As they passed Mrs. Figg's house, Harry looked closely, hoping for a glimpse of her, hoping that she might see and report that Harry was being escorted away from the house. But the curtains were drawn and the door closed.

*******

_Through the trees, Harry could hear them closing in on him again. Standing, he grimaced at the pain the movement caused in his ankle and side. The grimace caused the split lip and bloody nose to bleed afresh and he reached up to blot it with the hem of his shirt. He had forgotten about those small hurts that Dudley had delivered when Harry had tried to refuse to run._

"_The game is called Harry Hunting, freak. If you don't run, we can't hunt!" The comment had been punctuated by the one -two punch of Dudley's fists and Harry had run off into the woods that bordered the park._

_Dudley had punched him often enough before that the discomfort from the lip and nose was barely registered beyond the inconvenience of the blood on one of his shirts. Even old shirts were better than nothing and Harry kept them as clean as he could so that he at least had that comfort. Blood stains were hard to get out completely and Petunia didn't like seeing his clothes lying in a sink or in the bathtub soaking._

_This shirt had been ripped anyway, both by the thorny briars he was running through, and the switchblade attack. They were a loss, but he couldn't dwell on that now. _

If he kept ahead of them long enough, he thought maybe they would tire of the 'game' and go back to the house. Maybe more time had gone by than Harry realized and they would be ready to go to the promised movie.

Feet crashed through the undergrowth and Harry looked around to find better cover. There was a briar-covered deadfall where several fallen trees had encouraged a dense tangle of foliage. It would be painful, but maybe it would deter them from coming after him. He scrambled down onto his belly and began to make his way through a small opening in the brambles. A shout behind him told him he had been seen by Dudley as he called to the other two boys.

Harry hurried faster, thorns gouging him everywhere it seemed as a refrain began to go through his mind. _'I must be smaller, I must be smaller, I need to be smaller, I need to be smaller—'_

Suddenly, he seemed to slip right through the vegetation and he found himself covered with moldy leaves. Behind him, he heard a surprised exclamation from Dudley. Digging himself deeper into the leaves, Harry realized that his hands were not hands anymore, but were, in fact, paws. Black, furry paws.

A surprised squeak escaped him, but he quickly realized that he must have managed his animagus transformation in the stress of dire need and fear. He wasn't a snake as he had thought, with the slitted pupils, but a cat of some kind. A rush of joy filled him. He did it! Now he would be able to run faster away from the boys. It would be easier to hide until they lost interest. Besides, if he was reading the surprise from Dudley correctly, his cousin would not be in any hurry to try and explain why the freak was now a cat.

Harry hoped he was a big cat. He could see that he had sharp claws as he scrambled into the leaves. He had a weapon of his own now!

The burst of exhilaration was short-lived as he felt himself grabbed and hauled back out of the leaves and briars in a tight grasp.

Hissing and clawing instinctively, he twisted and tried to bite the hand that held him. His sharp teeth only tasted leather for a few seconds before he was shoved into Dudleys backpack and the opening zipped tight.

The backpack swung in an arc before it felt like it was smashed into a tree. The injuries he had received as a human were still there and now he felt as if every bone in his body had been crunched by this impact. Outside the backpack, he heard Dudley murmur, "Caught you, you little freak. They don't have to know it's you… but this is even better than Harry Hunting. Do you know what we've done to cats when we've caught them before? Cats are sneaky little rat-eaters. They'll just as soon bite as anything else. But guess what, freak? You won't get the chance to bite anything ever again. When I tell Dad what you are, what you became, he'll be glad I got rid of you like I have all those other nasty cats in the neighborhood. He'll be glad. And no one will know it was really you!"

Harry felt the bag swinging again and braced himself for another blow, but this time it felt as if Dudley had merely settled it onto his shoulder. Dudley called out to his friends and they soon met up, Dudley explaining how Harry had gotten away, but that he had caught a cat instead. The other boys poked at the bag, punching it and making Harry hiss and yowl in pain as his injuries were aggravated.

Laughter accompanied the swinging of the bag as the boys walked, until Harry thought he would be sick. He had to gather his wits so he would be ready when the bag was opened again. He had to be ready to run. But what had Dudley meant by those 'other cats'?

A wave of fear washed over him as he recalled that Dudley always carried the backpack when he and his friends went on their 'outings'. Dudley had been prepared. He had leather gloves to hold whatever animal they happened to catch. It sounded as if cats were the preferred prey. Now, he also remembered Mrs. Figg worrying about some of her cats that had gone missing. Harry was afraid that he knew who had been responsible for their being missing.

Dudley had said that Vernon wouldn't care about him getting rid of another nasty cat because no one would know it was him. Well, he would just have to change back into a human form then. Maybe the Ministry would know and maybe they wouldn't, but like the use of his Patronus, this was a matter of life or death. It was clear that Dudley meant to get rid of him. He wouldn't be able to do that if he changed back, and it would be a rude surprise for him and his friends as well. He would just have to deal with whatever the consequences were for transforming in front of Muggles. Compared to what Dudley might be planning, Azkaban might be better.

Could he change back while still in the bag? Harry visualized bursting the seams of the backpack as he became human again and that cheered him a little. He could be like those comics Dudley liked to read, the ones about The Incredible Hulk. Too bad he couldn't make himself green while he did it. That would really give the bullies a shock!

He began to concentrate on the shift back, trying to ignore the nauseating swing of the bag as the boys traveled along. Every once in awhile, one of them would punch at the bag again, keeping Harry from focusing continuously. He knew he had to get a clear picture of the transformation in his mind, but that was proving to be as difficult as the text had warned, now that he was in animal form.

The feel of the bag dropping to the ground was another kind of jarring to his battered body, and Harry tensed, realizing that they had stopped, possibly arriving at whatever place they went to when they 'got rid of cats'. He gathered himself up, getting ready to spring out the moment the bag was unzipped.

But instead of a clear opening, only a hole large enough to shove a gloved hand into appeared. The glove was a very tough sort of work glove, the leather too thick to allow anything like cat claws or teeth to get through, though Harry tried fiercely. The hand had accurately grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and now held him tightly in the air.

The boys hooted and yelled at the cat's fighting. The other gloved hand came up and grabbed the hind legs to stop the twisting of the cat and Dudley now held him immobile for the boys' inspection.

"He's pretty scrawny, Dud. That must be why he was so easy for you to catch."

"He fights good, though. Looks like he has a lot of energy. It should take a good long time this time."

Dudley's face came closer to Harry and he grinned down at the cat he held. "Yeah. I hope it takes a good long time. That last one drowned too quick."

Drowned? Harry struggled again. Drowned? Harry remembered Aunt Marge telling about how she sometimes had to get rid of sickly puppies by putting them in a bag and tossing them in the farm pond. Was that what Dudley meant to do? That meant he needed to change back quickly! He tried to concentrate again, but the animal fear in him was not allowing his thoughts to do anything but respond in abject terror.

He didn't go back into the bag, though. Instead, he felt himself launched into the air. For a few moments, he twisted and turned, trying to get the unfamiliar body under some sort of control for a landing. Then he was shocked by the impact into cold water that rushed over his head.

Struggling to the top, he gulped in a lungful of air, laced with water. Water was in his cat ears and he tried to shake it out so he could hear. Then he could hear the laughter of the boys, and that made the terror even worse. They were cheering! They were enjoying seeing a helpless animal try to save itself!

He had to swim, because the water was deeper than he could stand, as he found out when he tried. His cat paws weren't made for swimming, and he had to paddle furiously to keep his head above the water. He paddled for the shore away from the boys and focused on getting there. As he dragged himself up onto the muddy edge, the gloved hand seized him again and flung him far back out into the water.

Again, the water closed over his head. This time, he didn't waste the energy to shake the water from his ears. He simply obeyed the instinct to swim as hard as he could toward the shallow water, to the shore of the pond away from where the boys stood. For now he knew where he was. This was the pond that was in the center of the wooded park. A joggers trail wound around it. Sometimes he had gone there, pretending it was the lake at Hogwarts and that the giant squid was just under the surface. Sometimes he found a water snake to talk to for awhile. The pond wasn't very isolated, but it wasn't close to where large groups of people tended to be when at the park. Right now, the boys and the black cat were alone.

He made it back to the mud again, and struggled as it sucked his paws down into the muck. Before he made it to higher and drier ground, Dudley was back, having run around the edge of the pond when he saw where the cat was headed. The gloved hands yanked him up. He yowled and sputtered from the water he had swallowed and tried to bite the hands. His teeth sank into one of the glove thumbs and he held onto it. This time, when he was flung out into the water, the glove came too.

For a moment, Harry tried to climb on top of the glove, but it sank quickly, too heavy to stay afloat with his added weight on it. His mind was numb from fear, and he could no longer hope to focus enough for a return to his human form. His feline form was in terror for its life, and he simply had to keep swimming. Some part of him found a moment to wonder at the sociopathic bent of his cousin. He knew he was mean and selfish, but he had never thought that Dudley could be this cruel.

Again and again, he swam to shore. Again and again, Dudley picked him up and threw him back. Each time it took longer to struggle to the pond edge. His legs were so fatigued that he couldn't tell if his swimming efforts were coordinated or not. He had never learned to swim in his human form. You couldn't count the Triwizard Tournament. Then, he had the benefit of Gillyweed and had fins and gills. Now he was an animal that wasn't well equipped for swimming beyond the occasional accidental dunking.

Harry no longer fought when Dudley scooped him up, so now the other two boys took turns with their bare hands throwing him as far out into the water as they could. Now, when he went under, it seemed as if each time must surely be the last time he would make it to the surface. The human part of his brain wondered why he was still fighting. Why was he giving Dudley the satisfaction of seeing him try to survive. But the cat was driven to keep trying.

Dimly, he heard more yelling as he was almost to the shore again. Part of him realized that if they threw him back, he would simply sink beneath the water's surface and be unable to fight anymore. He was so tired. The paddling of his paws was mostly ineffectual now, and he made little headway with the uncoordinated pulling at the water. He was barely keeping his nose and eyes above the top to see where he was going and to draw burning, ragged breaths into exhausted lungs.

When his feet hit the shallows and he touched bottom, he collapsed, taking a breath of water as his head went under when his legs wouldn't support him. It was an impossible effort to raise his head again, so he simply laid there, waiting for hands to pick him up and throw him for what he knew would be the last time.

Hands scooped him up and he didn't even tense. He couldn't even open his eyes anymore. Vaguely, he registered surprise when he was wrapped in something dry, his legs arranged to be up next to his body and not dangling. His face was wiped gently and he felt warm air against his muzzle. That made him inhale sharply and the water in his throat made him choke. The hands rubbed his side briskly and it seemed to help him expel the remaining water. The rubbing hurt his other injuries and an almost inaudible mew gurgled out of his throat. He managed a weak shake of his head to try and clear the water from his ears.

He laid his head back down without opening his eyes. If this was Dudley trying to get him to rally before the last throw he was in for disappointment. Harry couldn't do it anymore. Dudley had won. He drifted off into darkness of sight and sound and then unconsciousness.

*******

Albus paced his office in front of the fireplace as the portraits looked on. It was taking too long. Why hadn't Severus returned by now? He had been gone for three hours! Was Harry perhaps hurt after all?

He had been notified immediately when Harry had left the wards. It was unfortunate that everyone who usually took watch were tied up in other duties. He had rallied several Order members and they had descended on Privet drive within fifteen minutes of the alarm. It had now passed three hours and no one had reported in.

He was just about to throw floo powder into the flames and go to Arabella Figg's home himself when the flames turned green and Severus's head appeared.

"Albus… I'm coming through in a moment. Call for Poppy and Hagrid, as well."

"Is Harry—"

"There's no time to explain. You'll see when I bring him. Just get Poppy and Hagrid." Severus responded impatiently. His head disappeared and Albus firecalled the two Severus had requested before he resumed waiting.

In a few more minutes the flames turned green again and Severus stepped into the room, followed closely by Arabella Figg. Severus held a box in his hands and he turned back to the fireplace to set it on the hearth.

Albus stepped nearer. "Where is Harry?"

Severus was bent over the box and Albus leaned over his shoulder to see that a small black cat lay in the bottom in the bottom of it, partially covered by a tea towel.

Poppy and Hagrid entered the office in time to hear Arabella say softly, "I think that _is_ Harry."

Severus motioned to Hagrid and Poppy and they knelt beside him over the box. The cat was barely breathing and that was in a labored way. The fur looked like it had been wet and was just now drying. There were deep scratches on the muzzle and a particularly nasty wound on the side they could see.

Albus asked, "Why do you think that's Harry? Was he cursed by someone? Deatheaters?"

Arabella spoke up quickly, "That boy Dudley and his gang have been tormenting my cats and others in Little Whinging. I know he's killed a couple of mine at least. So I've been watching him."

Albus looked at her when she hesitated. "What leads you to believe that this cat is Harry? It could be just a stray."

Arabella shook her head. "Dudley's gang was chasing Harry today. I saw them at the wooded park where the path is. Dudley had already given the boy a bloody nose and lip, I saw. I was going to go to his house and demand that fat oaf of a father to go put a stop to it. Then I saw them chase Harry into the woods and one of them yelled, 'Time for Harry Hunting!'"

Hagrid was stroking gently down the cats' side and they all saw the minute flinch when he neared the wounded area. " 'S broken ribs here. Might've punched his lung."

Poppy waved her wand carefully over the small patient. "I didn't know Harry was an animagus."

Her comment was met with surprise and she explained, "I can detect that this is a cat under an animagus transformation. It's a familiar signature and similar to the one I've seen when Minerva is in her cat form." She passed the wand over the cat again. "Hagrid is right. Some ribs are broken, and one of the back legs is fractured. This is a puncture wound in its side. He's quite a battered fellow." She gently placed the tip of her wand at the site and murmured a spell. "I've sealed the tear in the lung. I'm not certain how to treat the ribs…how much potion to give to an animal or if it's even something they can tolerate."

Hagrid nodded his head and clapped her on the shoulder, almost toppling her into Severus. "Ya jus' give 'em a tiny amount Madame. A wee dropper full is all this one needs,"

They could see that the breathing of the animal was less labored now that the lung had been dealt with. Albus feared that they were focusing their efforts in the wrong place. Harry could still be in danger somewhere.

"I am not at all certain that this is Harry. As Poppy said, no one was aware that he was an animagus. I would have known if he was."

Severus motioned the Headmaster forward so he could peer down into the box. He gently lifted the cat's head so that Albus had a view of the whole face. There on the forehead between the closed eyes was a small blaze of white fur in the shape of a lightning bolt.

********

_**A/N:**__ The scene at the pond is a nod to one of my favorite authors, Stephen King. I read a story of his a long time ago and it had this very disturbing scene where a boy would not let a cat reach the shore and kept pushing it back out into the water until it drowned. That was a nightmare starter! But then most of King's work is from his own dreams, I hear. I've been looking for it to credit the title, but I haven't found it yet. I'll let you know when I get it! (I've looked around a bit more and still cannot find it. It's possible that it was another horror author, like Koontz. I'll credit it when I find it!)_

_I apologize if this was too disturbing for some. But I am not, nor have I ever been, someone who is cruel to animals. So please don't flame me for this! I needed a catalyst for the basis of the story. (Catalyst…pun intended!)_

_I am not certain of the direction this fic will take. At least at the first it will be a HP/SS mentor story. It may become more later on._

_It is AU beginning 6__th__ year. References may be made to past canon events and some current and future canon events may be incorporated._

_I own nothing of JK Rowling's work. I am only playing with the characters. No profit is involved._


	3. Chapter 3

**Haja**

Chapter 3

A/N: '_''cat-speak'''_

The first thing to register was the quiet. Then the warmth that was soothing his body. It wasn't his bed at Privet Drive, that was for certain. That bed was too cold when it was winter, and too hot in the summer. It had been too small for a long time and the mattress was hard in places where the springs had worked their way through the padding.

This bed felt safe.

He stretched and immediately stopped and mewed in pain. That hurt!

"So. You're finally awake, I see."

Harry lifted his head and blinked slowly, looking up… and up… and up.

Above him, somehow seeming gigantic, was Professor Snape. Without thought, his eyes dilated to their widest point, the fur began to stand up along the ridge of his back, and his ears flattened against his skull. He tried to stand up but found his legs unable to follow those mental directions.

Snape peered down at him and a sneering smile played at his lips. "You're safe here, Potter. Although, I don't suppose it feels that way to you yet. You'll have to get the animal instincts under control in order to calm yourself." He continued to stare down at him until Harry felt the fur begin to lay down a bit.

"I have something here for you to eat, but I doubt if you can stand long enough for it. Will you allow me to feed you without trying to tear my fingers off?"

Harry stared back up at the man. The human inside was having a difficult time hearing Snape ask him for permission to do anything. The cat felt the gnawing hunger in his belly and could smell the food that Snape spoke of.

Snape's face came closer and Harry saw that he was holding a small plate in his hand. He scooped up a bit of what was on it with the tip of his index finger and brought it close to Harry's face. Harry backed himself up against the side of the box he was in until he could go no further. A warning hiss came spitting out of his mouth.

Snape sighed. "Potter… Harry… I will not harm you. I know that you can understand me. You have not been in this form long enough to lose what little human mind you possess."

Harry hissed again at the insult. The finger with the tantalizing aroma came closer again and he tentatively stretched his neck out, nose twitching. A pink tongue flicked out and tasted the bit of food.

His body protested the movement, but he moved forward to get closer and lick the finger. When the food was gone the finger went to the plate and returned with another small bite. This time, Harry licked it eagerly. Snape let him eat several bites before Harry saw a dropper add something to the food on the finger. He sniffed at the food and gave a plaintive mew.

"Yes. It's a minute amount of Dreamless Sleep, mixed with Skelegro Potion. You need the rest and your body needs many healing agents. I can only give one at a time, so this time it's for your fractured leg, skull, and ribs. I would appreciate it if you did not force me to restrain you in order to administer it. You will be much more comfortable if you cooperate."

It took Harry several minutes to process the words that had been spoken. For some reason, it was difficult to make sense of them. Finally, he managed to understand that the food had something in it that would help him get better.

He licked the last of the offered food off Snape's finger. Within a few minutes he felt his head grow too heavy to hold up, his eyes too heavy to keep open. Curling his aching body up as best as he could, he laid back down. A soft blanket under him made it easy to get comfortable. He was dozing off when he felt the blanket pulled over him and tucked gently. That seemed odd, that Snape would tuck him in. Maybe the man liked cats better than he liked students…

*******

Severus looked down at the sleeping black cat with narrowed eyes. He was at once aggravated and angry at the brat, and then overcome with an intense feeling of protectiveness. That made him feel even more aggravated and irate. It was annoying to find out that all your perceptions about someone had been wrong. Not simply wrong, but phenomenally, extraordinarily, wrong.

The brat of Lily Evans-Potter and James Potter had been a thorn in his side for as long as he had existed. Lily was supposed to have chosen him over Potter. He was certain that she would have, too, if he had not made a grievous error in judgement and taken the Dark Mark the day he turned seventeen. He had wanted power and prestige and had foolishly believed that Lily would see him as powerful and prestigious if he made a vow to such a great cause.

Her tearful ranting about what he had done had caused him to see things in a totally different light, but it was too late. In a spat of defensiveness, he had said some hurtful things to her. He regretted them as soon as they came out of his mouth and no amount of back-clapping from his fellow Slytherins could erase the weight that settled on his heart when he saw the pain in her emerald eyes.

After he had begged Dumbledore for forgiveness and for a way out, she had forgiven him too. But not enough to take him back as a possible husband. Bitterness had filled the place she had held in his heart; that, and resentment of James Potter. That resentment had spilled over onto the son they had, even though that son had not been old enough to remember them after they were killed. He had always assumed that Lily's sister had treated Harry like a young prince. Surely she had been aware that he had survived the attack that had killed the parents. Surely she realized that the child must be extraordinary because of that.

Now, to find out that not only did she not dote on him, but that she had treated him with neglect and abuse. If she had not done any of the horrifying acts herself, she had certainly turned a blind eye to them.

The cousin, Dudley, had pleaded youthful ignorance when confronted with the wrath of the Potions Master. Severus would have gladly hexed him into the next year, but had been far more concerned with the bedraggled cat that Arabella Figg had identified as Harry Potter.

The old woman had activated the alarm that she always carried. She had been entrusted as one of the watchers since Harry Potter had been sent to live with his only blood relative. Over the years she had reported minor incidents that may have been abuse. But once Harry was at school he never complained. He asked to be able to go to the Burrow instead, but the wards provided by staying with his mother's sister were strong enough to protect him where the Burrow's was not. His protests were seen as nothing more than the desire to spend as much time with his best friends rather than his Muggle relatives.

Severus had already been in Little Whinging, having been sent by Albus when the perimeter alarms on Privet drive indicated that Harry had left the house and its surrounding warded field. He had been angry to have been sent. All the other teachers who were part of the Order were out of the country on holiday. Even Minerva McGonagall was in Ireland with her sister. He was extremely put out that his own summer work was interrupted by the Brat Who Lived. He had thought that Potter was most likely off gallivanting without a care that he might inconvenience someone.

He had walked the entire neighborhood and scanned the residence at Number 4 Privet Drive. He had resorted to a Point-Me spell to locate Potter, and had arrived at the pond as Arabella was blowing on the face of the cat she had wrapped in her shawl. The cat was soaking wet and appeared lifeless. She had seen him and immediately told him that the cat was Harry and that his cousin Dudley and the other two boys had been trying to drown him.

Severus had only held himself back from hexing the boys by remembering that they were Muggles. Dudley's friends looked as confused as they did sorry as they listened to the batty old woman tell the man in flowing black robes that the cat they had been torturing was really a boy they knew as Harry.

Severus had settled for an Obliviate and sent the boys on their way with bad cases of poison ivy. Then he had taken the cat from Arabella and spelled it to get rid of the water in its lungs. The tiny creature took a stuttering breath and Severus conjured a box to lay him in, swaddled in the shawl.

The two of them had hurried back to her house where Severus floo'd Albus of their impending arrival. Arabella had not stopped muttering about how sorry she was for not insisting how much danger Harry was in with the Dursleys. Severus had listened with half an ear, mainly focused on the small black cat and its difficulty in breathing. He did another gentle spell to relieve the congested lungs. As he did so, he saw the white fur on the cats' forehead. Touching it, smoothing it flat from its wet spikes, he saw that it was in the exact shape of the scar on Potter forehead. In his mind there was no doubt that Potter had somehow learned the animagus spell and had transformed himself into this cat.

********

Albus contacted Minerva, since she was a cat animagus. She came back to Hogwarts and Severus found himself with a dungeon full of people gathered around the cats' box. Albus and Minerva had been followed by Poppy and Hagrid. Albus had contacted Molly and Arthur Weasley to see if Ron and Hermione had known about the animagus work Harry had been doing.

Molly and Arthur had floo'd to Hogwarts with the two best friends of Harry Potter and Molly had not ceased her fussing about them undertaking the study of becoming animagi without adult supervision. Ron and Hermione were closed-mouthed after admitting that they had all been working on it.

Severus stood close to the box, unwilling to let them all crowd him out. "He is easily frightened. I've given him food laced with Skelegro and Dreamless Sleep, but I cannot vouch for the effectiveness of the amount I used."

Hermione looked up at him. "He had not managed the full transformation when school was out… none of us had. We knew his animal had vertically slitted pupils and we all thought that he would be a snake of some kind."

Severus nodded, "Because of his ability to speak Parseltongue?"

"Yes. We thought that would be the most likely and the most obvious."

Molly asked in an exasperated tone, "But why didn't you lot ask for help? Why were you doing it on your own? You could have been injured like Harry was! What if he had not been found in time!"

Both Ron and Hermione looked down in guilt but then Ron raised his head to look at Albus. "Harry was afraid."

All the adults looked at him in surprise and Ron amended, "Not afraid in the usual sort of way… He was afraid because of all the secrets that always seem to be kept from him. He was afraid because he felt as if that would cause him to be unable to prepare to fight Vol--- You Know Who."

Molly began another angry burst that was silenced by Albus's raised hand. The white-haired wizard looked sad as he asked, "Harry feels as if secrets are being kept from him?"

Ron gave his parents a hesitant look and then exchanged a look with Hermione. After she gave him a nod, he continued. "He knows that he has to be the one to kill the other. But he also knows that at any given time he hasn't had all the information to do it with. He called it some Muggle term of 'not being in the loop'. We all agreed and we all made a pact to study how to become animaguses. We knew that if Harry's dad and the Marauders could do it, we could do it too. We found a book in the library at Grimmauld Place last year and we began to work on it then."

He looked down at the slumbering cat. "He --- we--- just wanted a secret that was ours alone, and a weapon that no one would know about except for the three of us."

Hermione spoke up. "None of us expected to make a full transformation until after we each hit our majority. But Harry is a powerful wizard. And he must have had a powerful need for the transformation."

Severus intoned darkly, "Being chased by three hulking Muggles who are 'Harry Hunting' could produce such a powerful need."

The two teens paled and it was clear that they had heard the term before.

Minerva had remained quiet during the conversation and now she asked, "Had the three of you studied the theory of reverse transformation yet?"

Ron and Hermione shook their heads and Hermione answered, "We were meditating on our form. We were only to the part where we attempt to realize what the form will be."

The teacher shook her head. "The reverse, transforming back, from the animal form to human, is the most difficult. It should never be attempted before the other theories are fully understood and have become ingrained. While transforming from a human to an animal takes a great deal of magic, it is in the human mind that it takes place. The reverse is extremely difficult, as the change must come from what is essentially the mind of an animal." She looked down at the cat. "The longer it is before the reverse is accomplished, the more difficult it will be."

Snape added quietly, "And if the transformation was made in a moment of fear, and the longer he remains in this form, it will become more difficult to change."

Minerva nodded. "Next time he awakens, I need to be here."

"That should be soon." Snape looked around at the roomful of people. "You may stay, if you like. I can't help but believe that an audience would be counterproductive."

Minerva nodded as Ron and Hermione protested. Albus herded them and the adult Weasley's to the door , followed by Poppy and Hagrid.

Albus looked back over his shoulder at Minerva and Severus. "Let me know how it goes."

Severus nodded. When they had gone he warded the door locked and silenced against any eavesdroppers.

Minerva transformed smoothly into her tabby animagus and leaped up on the hearth and into the box. She settled down next to Harry and curled her front paws under herself.

Severus peered down for a moment. "He should be healed enough to attempt the reverse. But only a time or two. I haven't been able to give him any other healing supplements yet and he will likely feel very tired still." The tabby blinked up at him in understanding and Severus nodded before going back to his lab to mix the next batch of potion laced food.

********

When the smaller cat began to stir, Minerva started a low comforting purr. The sleepy green eyes blinked open and then dilated widely at seeing the cat next to him. Minerva gave a quiet meow and blinked her own eyes slowly, remaining relaxed to show Harry that she wasn't a threat.

''' _Harry, it's me, Professor McGonagall.'''_

Harry's eyes lost a little of the blackness so that the green irises showed around the rims. His plaintive meow made her lift a paw and lay it gently on one of his.

'''_Professor, I'm a cat…'''_

'''_Yes, a very fine cat, too. But now it is time for you to transform back into yourself. '''_

'''_I tried… when Dudley put me in the bag, I tried. But I couldn't.'''_

'''_Tell me what you remember of the theory and the spell you have to think in order to transform.'''_

Harry closed his eyes and shuddered as he remembered being in the backpack and the events that followed.

'''_Harry. You must focus. You have been in this form for too long as it is. You must try.'''_

He obediently reviewed the theory of the Animagus transformation and then repeated the spells both for the initial change and for the reversal. Minerva could see it when he gathered himself up to attempt the change. His fur rippled and his whiskers twitched madly. Too late, she remembered that they were in a box atop a table. She leaped out and transformed back into her human form and looked around for Harry. She sighed when she saw that he was still a black cat inside the box.

"It's alright, Harry," she soothed, when Harry looked up with a forlorn mew. "Professor Snape is getting you something to eat. Perhaps you will feel like trying again after that."

Severus walked back into the room just then and set a plate down on the floor. "You need exercise, as well. Your bones have healed enough to be able to walk. The food has some additional potion for healing any internal bruising."

When Harry didn't make a move to get up, he reached in and scooped him up. For a moment, his face registered surprise before he masked it. Gentling his hold, he put the cat down on the floor. "Whether you are back to yourself or not, the next meal will have some nutritional supplements. You are entirely too thin."

'''_I ate what I was given. It wasn't my fault if it wasn't enough.'''_

Minerva knelt down and ran a hand along the cat's back, feeling the bones of the knobby spine and the thin ribs under the fur. Harry was like a thin fur coat over a frame of wire. There was no padding of fat or muscle.

"Harry, have your relatives always neglected you or is it a recent development?" She secretly hoped that it was a recent development, because if the boy had been mistreated for as long as she had been his Head of House, she had seriously missed the signs.

Harry responded by walking over to the hearth and settling himself on the rug in front of the fire. He closed his eyes, pretending that the two professors were not waiting for an answer.

The two humans walked away toward the door and talked in whispers. Harry meowed loudly, _'''I know you're talking about me. I know you're thinking I've made a mess of things again.''' _

Minerva called out, "Rest well, Harry. Try the retransformation again when you wake up." The door closed softly behind her.

He dozed there in the warmth of the flames, feeling a sense of peace that didn't match any he had ever felt before. He closed his eyes, feeling his head nod forward as he drifted. Perhaps being a cat wasn't so bad, especially if Dudley wasn't around. After all, no one would expect a cat to defeat Voldemort…

He felt himself lifted up and he twisted violently to get away, reacting with a hiss and claws slashing out.

"Harry, I am only moving you back to the plate. You must eat." Severus had let go of him quickly when he saw how the touch had startled him.

Harry looked up at the man and then at the plate that was still on the floor where Severus had set it. He slowly relaxed and the ridge of fur along his back slowly settled back against his body. The twisting action had aggravated his injuries again, but he limped slowly over to the plate and then settled down low to the floor to pick at the morsels Snape had prepared for him. He could taste the potion in the food, but he couldn't spare the energy to protest. He ate what he could, but it was only a few bites before he was too full.

Severus didn't insist, only removed the plate when Harry moved away from it and began to wash a paw. He meowed softly at the taste on his fur. The smell of the pond water was all over him, and he didn't know how to take care of it. Licking it seemed like the thing to do, but the effort alone was beyond him and the taste was making him gag. He finally decided it wasn't worth it.

He curled back up on the rug and tucked his nose under the end of his tail. The potion in the food was making him dizzy and he thought it might be making him hallucinate as well. What else could explain the massive furred body that was now curled warmly around him, and the rough pink tongue that was gently cleaning him with long deliberate strokes?

********

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews and for putting this story on alerts. I've missed you all and I'm glad I'm back!

I'll also try to get the yahoo group back on track and more active. Any comments or questions about my work? Feel free to post them there!

Tonight … Half-Blood Prince … midnight … trying to talk the hubby into taking a nap so he can go too! The kids are almost rabid with wanting to go! Trying to decide if we'll go tonight or wait for Friday. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Haja**

Chapter 4

The pain in his chest was searing, and he couldn't get his head above the water to take the needed breath. His paws pulled desperately at the water, spread claws not any kind of help in getting to the top.

His nose broke above the surface and he took the breath, partly of the air, partly of the slimy pond water. Through the water in his ears he could hear Dudley laugh and laugh, taunting him. Giant hands tore him free of the water and he felt a momentary relief.

Then he was soaring through the air, limbs flailing, searching for purchase where there was none.

Impact on the water knocked what breath he had managed to draw right out of him again so that he drew in a bit of water before he stopped himself from inhaling.

He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't keep on struggling. How much easier it would be to just stop fighting the inevitable and let go…

He was dimly aware that he was in the middle of a nightmare and that the real danger no longer threatened. The thrashing of his paws as if trying to swim and the feeling that he was suffocating had awakened him in a state of panic.

The warm fur that surrounded him was rumbling in a deep, gentle cadence against his back. The lap of a rough tongue soothed him, relaxing him back into sleep before he was fully awake…

*********

Severus watched the quivering cat, seeing in the twitching muscles and paws the nightmare that had descended. The plaintive and terrified mews from the small throat touched a part of him that he had not known existed. His intention had been to simply finish cleaning the filthy brat. He found his animagus form to be much more suited than his human hands. Potter was asleep and would never know that it was him.

Then the nightmares began, and he supposed that he should have expected it. Potter had been plagued with nightmares as the Boy Who Lived. Why should the Cat Who Lived be exempt?

He knew that the internal injuries were not healed completely and that the broken bones were still fragile. The movement of the small limbs in the nightmare state would be painful. He curled himself around the small cat, intent on offering a sense of shelter and comfort. The tongue gave gentle swipes to the fevered head, cleaning the black fur and lulling Harry away from the night terror and into the dreamless sleep that the potion had been intended to give.

********

When Harry woke up again he was swaddled in the blanket on the rug in front of the fireplace. The coals had burned down to embers and he stared into them with half open eyes. Merlin! Snape's potions certainly had different effects when one was under the animagus transformation. Maybe it had to do with the amount he had been given for his size. He recalled the nightmare, reliving the torture at the pond, thinking he was going to drown because he no longer had the strength to swim. Then he thought he had felt a protective force surround him. He knew that it hadn't been part of the real events. It was different; something that was happening in the now.

A clearing throat had him lifting his head quickly. Hmm… not so painful anymore. Snape was walking towards him, towering in all his billowy robes and darkness, and the fur began to rise on Harry's back.

"I have your breakfast," the man intoned quietly, kneeling beside the rug.

That was better, now that he was down on Harry's level; not so intimidating. Harry noticed the plate that was set down beside him and his nose twitched at the delicious smell. He could detect some more potion, but that was okay. If Snape had wanted to kill him he would have let Dudley finish the job or chunked him back in the pond himself.

He slowly stood up, testing the pain level in his body as he stretched. With wobbly legs he stepped to the plate and began to pick at the food. He scooted his body around the plate when Snape sat down on the floor beside him, to keep from having his back to the man. He watched him warily from the corner of his eye.

"You realize, Potter, that you must try again to reverse transform."

Harry ignored him, closing his eyes as he ate. So he was startled when a hand stroked down his back. He flinched away before deciding that it felt good to be stroked like that. Settling back on his haunches, he continued to eat while Snape petted him. Fingers scratched between his ears and Harry felt a rumble begin in his throat and chest.

He stopped eating for a few moments to examine the strange feeling. He looked up at Snape and the man actually gave him a sort of smirking smile.

"However much you may be enjoying this form, if you stay too much longer it could be permanent. You must accomplish the reverse spell. Once you do, you will be able to transform whenever you wish."

'''_If I am a cat, I won't have to fight Voldemort.'''_

"True, but will you really be happy knowing you left everyone to whatever fate that madman dictates?"

'''_I just want to be free of the pressure, know what it's like to be a kid, before I have to kill somebody.'''_

Fingers at the side of his neck rubbed a fraction harder, making Harry lean into the touch. Snape didn't say anything to that, though. The depth of Harry's fatigue was obvious as the boy didn't even seem to realize that he was speaking in '''cat''' and Snape was answering.

When he had finished his food, Snape stood up and looked down at the cat expectantly. "Focus your mind on the spell. Focus on shifting to your human body."

Harry closed his eyes and concentrated. For several minutes, nothing happened. Then the change happened so rapidly that Harry found himself falling headlong onto the floor, smacking his chin on the stone. The cold air of the dungeon on his backside let him know that his clothes had not survived the initial transformation and the reversal. A robe settled itself around him as he struggled to sit and then stand. It dragged the floor and Harry saw that Snape was now without his outer robe.

He rubbed his chin. "Ow."

Snape stepped forward and took hold of the chin in his hand and turned his face up to the light. "Clumsy Gryffindor," he murmured. He pointed his wand at the injured chin and Harry felt a wash of magic lessen the pain.

A knock at the door prevented Harry from any response. Snape scowled but opened the door to admit Minerva and Albus. They both smiled to see Harry standing there.

"Ah, welcome back, my boy." The blue eyes were kind as they smiled at him.

Minerva wasn't so quick to be forgiving. "Yes, welcome back, Mr. Potter. But what in the world were you thinking, to try and make a transformation without ever having studied with a Master?"

Harry looked at the floor and pulled the robe closer around himself. In a quiet voice he answered, "I guess I wasn't thinking at all, Professor. I guess I was just trying to get away before my cousin killed me."

There was silence in the room at that and then Harry looked up at Albus with grim determination. "I'm not going back there, sir. If you make me I'll run away. I'll change into a cat and run away and no one will ever find me."

Albus looked sad while Minerva just pressed her lips together. Snape, surprisingly, broke the silence. "You don't need to threaten the Headmaster, Potter. I doubt he is blind to the dangers you have faced in that household. We all see it now. You won't be going back."

Albus looked as if to argue until Severus glared at him in challenge. "What do you propose we do with Mr. Potter, then? Albus asked. "He cannot stay here at Hogwarts and the Burrow is not warded strongly enough for him to stay there."

Severus scowled. "Grimmauld Place. If the mutt's house is safe enough to be Headquarters, it should be safe enough for the boy."

"He can't stay there alone—" Minerva began.

Harry would never have dreamed of talking back, interrupting, or arguing with his Head of House, so he was surprised himself when he sputtered indignantly, "I've been alone my whole life, Professor. The Dursley's never cared for me, and if you think they did then you are still blind to what kind of life I've had. I never said as much before because I thought that's how it was for everyone. Then, I didn't say anything because I was embarrassed. Now, you've seen how they treated me. I have no pride left for any of you to step on. Think what you will, but I've looked after myself since I was old enough to reach the top of the kitchen counters. I can look after myself just fine now."

He was breathing hard when he finished and a wave of dizziness made him stagger. Snape wordlessly took his elbow and steered him to the sofa. Harry sat down, only because he didn't want to pass out in front of the teachers he had just mouthed off to. That wouldn't have done much for his credibility, or done much to convince them that he could be self-sufficient.

Albus looked at him sadly and Minerva looked as if she wanted to fuss but couldn't find it in herself to. Severus remained silent, observing the boy and noting that he was pale and wincing as he shifted his position. His wounds were still bothering him, the magic expended in the transformation causing a relapse in his recovery.

The room was silent for so long that Harry almost began uttering an apology. Fortunately, Albus heaved a deep sigh and sat down beside him before he did.

"I have been a fool, Harry. In trying to protect you I have left you in peril all these years. I will not ask for your forgiveness just yet, but I will ask that you still obey me in things that I feel are in your best interest."

Harry looked at him suspiciously, the wary cat still close to the surface. When he didn't respond, Albus continued. "I will agree to let you stay there. It is, after all, your house."

Harry looked startled at that, eyes going wide with question. Minerva and Severus snapped their attention to Albus, their expressions disbelieving. Albus nodded and Severus recognized the contrite expression under the beard as one Albus had designed to make the listener sympathetic. Whatever the old man was about to say, it would be something big that might cause Potter to be angry. Severus braced himself.

"Sirius left Grimmauld Place to you."

Harry stared at Albus for a long time as his brain tried to make sense of what the man said. If Sirius had left him the house, then there must have been a will. If there was a will, wouldn't there have been some kind of notification or reading? When had that happened?

"How did you find that out, sir? If Sirius was on the run, he couldn't have had property to leave…"

"Sirius was your godfather, and he was a pureblood heir in his own right. He may have been on the run and unable to access his holdings or accounts, but he had already written his will after you were born. If he had no heirs of his own, you were to inherit the bulk of the Black Estates and vaults. Remus Lupin was the only other recipient and Sirius provided for his friend quite well."

Harry was quiet for a bit and then asked softly, "Why was I never told this?"

"There was no reason to burden you with the particulars, my boy. The vaults are in safe keeping until you reach your majority."

Albus was quite jovial about it, waving a dismissing hand, as if he were not giving Harry information that was a shock. Severus saw the tensing of the boy's jaw as he kept his head bent to look at his lap. His hands were twisting the robe in agitation.

"What else happens when I reach my majority?" Harry asked softly.

Albus frowned slightly and tapped stroked his white beard. "If I recall correctly, the moment you turn seventeen, your allowance, the Hogwarts fund, and the interest from the Black holdings will come under your control. The major bulk of the Potter and Black estates and vaults will remain in trust until your twentieth birthday."

Severus could see that Harry was thinking hard about what Albus was saying. Then Harry said, "I saw the Hogwarts vault when Hagrid took me to Gringotts the first time. I thought that was all there was. It was more money than I had ever seen in my life." He looked up at Albus. "What is an allowance account?"

"Oh, that was the account set up to handle any living expenses while you were growing up. It was for clothing, food, and extra things that would be needed while you were under the guardianship of your aunt. It's a common arrangement that pureblood families make. In the event that children are left orphaned, funds are available to assist the caretakers so that they are not unduly burdened."

Harry stood up and moved away from the sofa. His back was to the Headmaster as he stared into the flames of the fireplace. He was silent for so long that the adults all began to look at each other in question.

A knock at the door took Severus away from his observations. He admitted Poppy, who smiled when she saw that Harry was in human form.

"Well, Harry, if Professor Snape will allow us the use of his bedroom, I'd like to examine you and see how you are coming along."

Severus nodded and went to open the door to his personal chambers. Harry wordlessly preceded Poppy into the room and Severus closed the door.

He looked at Albus with a raised eyebrow. "I am sure that you are aware that the information you are giving him is upsetting him?"

Albus tilted his head. "I know that it is uncomfortable for him to speak of Sirius."

"I am talking about the fact that he likely knew nothing about any of the wealth he was heir to. I know that I find myself surprised. How is it that the boy was always dressed as an urchin, if there was gold available to clothe him properly?"

"I'm sure that the clothing choices he made were because of his muggle influences. That, and the idiosyncrasies of teenagers."

Severus doubted that the old man was in his right mind at that moment. Surely he was not so blind as Severus had been all these years. Surely he had felt the waves of anger rolling off the young man as he sat there questioning the headmaster.

Minerva was simply watching them both, her lips pressed together in a tight line.

In his mind, Severus was already planning to pay a visit to the Dursley's. It was difficult to believe that he had so misunderstood the situation. He was seeing Potter's reaction to Albus's answers and he was seeing that the brat was not as unaffected as Albus seemed to believe. Indeed, he saw an awakening in Potter that bore watching. It bore watching and anticipating what the probable reaction was going to be when it came. And there would be a reaction. Severus was very certain of that.

Albus rose from the sofa and rubbed his hands together. "Well, I'll be off then. He seems on the mend. I'll set up a round of watchers at Grimmauld Place. It would be best, if he is to stay there instead of with his relatives, that there be someone there to watch over him, no matter how he may feel about it."

He strode from the room in his usual flurry of sparkling and colorful robes, leaving Severus and Minerva staring at each other.

Minerva broke the silence by saying, "When it catches up to him, I'm afraid Potter will not handle it well. It is too soon after managing the animagus for him to keep his customary tight rein on his emotions."

To her surprise, Severus did not issue a scathing response about how Potter never kept a tight rein on anything. Instead, he looked at her appraisingly before saying softly, "I am planning to pay a visit to these relatives. Would you care to go along?"

She looked at him over the tops of her glasses and nodded. "I always thought they were the worst sort of muggles. I would be happy to be proven right. Plus, I just might take bite out of that cousin who dares to torture defensless animals."

Severus nodded in agreement. Knocking on his own bedroom door, he opened it to find that Poppy was pulling the coverlet up over Harry's shoulders. He was sound asleep, curled up on his side. Severus's borrowed robe was clenched in his hands and held under his cheek.

Poppy was apologetic. "He was dead tired, Severus, and I didn't have the heart to make him move after he fell asleep. He seemed to be troubled about something and he wouldn't tell me what. It wasn't about the animagus magic, but he looked so lost. Maybe it's just everything all at once that has him more out of sorts than is normal for him. I gave him more potions for internal injuries and another dose of Skelegro, now that he's human. It knocked him right out."

Severus observed the sleeping form silently before shaking his head. "It doesn't matter at the moment." He looked at Poppy. "Can you stay with him? Minerva and I have a matter to take care of."

Poppy nodded. "I'll floo up and get my book and some records that need updating. I'll return in a few."

She stepped out around Minerva and they watched her disappear into the green flames. Severus dimmed the lights in the room before tapping a glowing sphere on the nightstand with his wand. Soft music filled the room as the sphere pulsed with the beat it.

"Why, Severus, I never figured you for a jazz man," Minerva smirked.

"I prefer the classics. I believe Mr. Potter may enjoy jazz more." He looked at her, his expression daring her to further comment. Minerva merely lifted an eyebrow.

Poppy was soon back and settled into a bedside chair. She looked at the two teachers. "I do hope that you will also convey my dislike to the Muggles. Feel free to use any hex on them that is painful," she sniffed as she opened her book.

"How did you know where we were going?" Severus asked .

"Harry knew. He said he thought you would. You should know that he fears that you might kill them and end up in Azkaban for it. He doesn't want that." She looked at her friends and then over at Harry. "The poor child… to be so badly treated… and not to expect any better; to feel he doesn't deserve better. I should have realized all these years. The scans showed the injuries and the malnourishment and I allowed him to tell me it was nothing more than what he received in summer playing and not having the time to eat enough."

Minerva laid a hand on Poppy's shoulder. "We all failed to see it, Poppy. But—" she looked hesitantly down at Harry and then at the two of them. "I think we let Albus convince us that things were not as bad as they would seem. I don't think he meant it maliciously, but his machinations have not given Harry a very nice life, nor an easy one."

She looked at Severus then and squared her shoulders. "Let's go find out the truth."

*******

_**A/N:**__ Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing! Miss Muse is so excited to hear from you all._

_Just a few brief notes and reminders; this is AU. That means it can happen any way I want it to, sometimes sticking to canon and sometimes not; my fantasy world Based on JKR's phenomenal works._

_This will not be a slash fic. At the very least it will be a mentorship fic. I know the premise is not that original, Harry being rescued by Severus. But I hope to put a different spin on the tale (CatTail?)_

_There will be twists and surprises._


	5. Chapter 5

**Haja**

Chapter 5

The street was as orderly as a toy village set out on a table. The houses were nearly identical in size and the way they were painted. Lawn sprinklers made rainbows in the sun and a few men were trudging behind mowers. The morning was already hot and the two wizards could see the sweat rolling down red faces as the men worked.

They had transfigured their clothing into Muggle dress and they looked like your every day sales people who went door-to-door. Only these two ignored all the walkways leading to other houses, a simple spell insuring that it was unnoticed.

At the walkway of Number 4 Privet Drive, they stopped. The lawn here was even more immaculate than the others on the street. There was not a single weed in the flower beds. The edges were precisely trimmed, the hedges perfectly square cut. The wizards walked up the sidewalk until they stood outside the front door. Through an open side window, voices were heard.

"… the lawn must be done! Now who will do it?" a woman's nasal whine.

"If the freak hadn't run off we wouldn't be in this predicament. Now we'll have to pay for someone to do it for the summer." A gruff male voice growled.

"But dad! You promised me a new car, now that I've got my permit, and a new computer—"

"Duddykins, we'll do the best we can," the nasal voice soothed. "The money will only go so far and now the lawn needs attending to. We have to think of the neighbors and the impression Daddy's clients get when they come here for dinner."

"…little freak… if he shows his face around here again, I'll teach him to go off and leave us with this mess…"

"I told you, dad, it was those weird people who took him away… right when we were having a good time… and they made me fall into that ivy patch, mum… I itch something fierce!"

"Come, Duddy, mummy will fix you a nice bath to sooth the itching."

Lumbering steps moved away and more grumbling was heard. "I still want that car you promised with the freak's money…"

Severus looked at Minerva. Both of them had identical expressions of outrage on their faces. Severus went to the door and knocked. There was a few moments of silence before Petunia opened the door a crack and peered out at them.

"We aren't interested in anything you're selling."

Before she could close the door Severus had his wand out and the door flew wide, knocking the woman backwards. The two entered and Minerva shut the door behind them, spelling it locked.

"We aren't selling anything. But I believe that we all have an interest in what has happened in this house with your nephew." Severus's voice was low but the dark threat under it was palpable.

Vernon and Dudley had come into the front hall when the door had crashed open. Now they stood poised as if unsure whether to try and protect their mother and wife or to turn tail and run out the back door.

Minerva waved her drawn wand and petrified them all where they stood so that they no longer had to make that decision. Between the two of them, she and Severus levitated them to the living room. They tied their feet and hands with magical bindings before releasing the Petrificus. Now they sat piled against one another on the sofa.

Vernon was the first to sputter in outrage, his face purpling and mustache quivering. "You have no right to barge in here and treat us like this! You're freaks like that boy!"

Severus pulled up a chair and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees, wand held deceptively casually in his hand dangling between. He stared at Vernon with piercing eyes.

"Dursley, I dearly want to understand what happened in this house. Now, I have some questions. You can either answer them honestly and quickly and this will be nearly painless. Or you may choose to be difficult and I assure you, the results will be quite unpleasant."

Severus proceeded to question the Dursleys. Minerva stood nearby, occasionally asking her own queries to clarify what they were hearing. She fetched financial record books from a desk drawer and they both scanned copies of them with their wands to take back. Minerva found the original notes from Albus to Petunia tucked into them, as well as statements from the Muggle branch of Gringotts.

Three hours later Minerva made a final sweep with her wand with a _Show Me Harry Potter's Belongings_. It revealed the hidden floor boards in Harry's room. Underneath they found the photo album, the tattered blanket he had probably been wrapped in when he arrived at Privet Drive and the remains of a food care package from the Weasley's.

Severus and Minerva spent several minutes looking around the small nearly barren room. In glaring opposition to the rest of the house, it was furnished with broken and threadbare cast-offs. The bars on the window tore at something inside Severus, as did the locks that lined the outside of the door, and the cat flap in the bottom of that door.

' _I well and truly failed you, Lily! I spited your son because I thought he was pampered and spoiled all these years! I was so wrong…'_

Minerva wiped tears from her cheek with the back of her hand. "Merlin, Severus! I feel like the worst fool! I let Albus convince me Harry was fine here. Look at those _bars_…and that bed—the linens are so thin!" Her voice went higher with disbelief. "Did you see the locks on the door? They kept him locked away in here as if he were an _animal_!"

Severus was desperately trying to negate what he was learning, what he was seeing. But it was all painfully clear that everything he had ever thought about Harry Potter had been wrong. This physical evidence was beyond belief. He could not believe that the boy had managed to hide all of this so well… or had the hiding been done by Albus? Had _he_ known of this? Had he known and still believed that this was the best place for Potter to be?

Severus wordlessly stormed back down the stairs. In the living room, the Dursleys were sitting in a huddle on the sofa, waiting for the wizards to leave. Severus grabbed Vernon by the shirt collar and hauled him to his feet. Petunia shrieked as Vernon sputtered angrily in protest.

"Legilimense!" he hissed, as he glared into Vernon's eyes. "Show me _exactly_ how the boy was treated here by you and yours!"

Fifteen minutes later, Vernon was a moaning puddle on the floor. Severus was looking at him with a mixture of shock and disgust. He sat down in a chair and rested his head in his hands. Minerva was waiting near the door and she went to him, putting a hand on his arm.

"Severus?"

Severus shook his head. "It's a wonder the boy is alive, let alone sane. This—" he motioned towards Vernon, "—despicable Muggle could give lessons to the Dark Lord. If half the things he encouraged his son to do—" he broke off, shaking his head again.

They cast some containment wards on the house so the Dursleys could not leave the area except for routine errands and work. If they tried to flee, the wards would yank them painfully back to the house. If Severus had his way, they would be tossed into whatever amounted to Azkaban in the muggle realm. He was sickened by what he had learned, and even his Death Eater history had not kept him from being stunned by the days' revelations.

Until then, the original spell set to give Dudley poison ivy was recast to include the whole family. In addition, Minerva cast a hex that would have them all shrieking in fear at the sight of the tiniest kitten. She made sure that a good quantity of catnip was growing in the flower beds around both the front and back doors. Severus moved the cat flap from the upstairs bedroom doo to the back door. It was spelled so that it could not be locked against any animal that wanted to come into the house. A few potted plantings of catnip were secured to the kitchen floor, spelled to be ever-growing and unremovable. The Dursleys would be unable to lift a finger against anything that chose to enter through the door or inhabit their yard. A number of neighborhood cats and some strays were already wallowing in the catnip, and wandering in through the cat flap before Severus and Minerva left. The fearful cries of the family inside were like music to their ears and they smirked at one another in satisfaction. It was not perfect revenge, but it was a small payback on behalf of one traumatized boy.

**********

By the time Severus and Minerva had informed Albus of their findings, and endured his endless questioning, it was late afternoon. Minerva accompanied Severus back to his rooms in the dungeons to check on Harry.

They found Poppy on her hands and knees, peering under the bed. She raised up at their entrance and explained, "He had a nightmare. I don't know how, with all the potion he had in him. I tried to spell him calmer, but he transformed before I could finish it."

The other two bent down and looked under the bed. All that they could see was two reflective eyes as the small cat looked back at them.

"How long has he been under there?" Severus asked.

"About an hour. I let him be for awhile, and I was just beginning to try again to get him out."

To the women's surprise, Severus said, "I'll handle it. Thank you for watching him, Poppy. I'll let you know if he needs you."

The women felt dismissed, but Minerva had to ask, "Do you want me to transfigure and try to coax him out?"

"No. He needs to learn to trust humans again. Go back to your sisters. I'll contact you if there is a need."

Minerva stared at him for a long moment. "Severus, you've never even liked Harry. Are you certain that you are the best one to be here for him now?"

He stared back at her before answering. "I have made many mistakes in my dealings with him. Many were made due to erroneous assumptions. I will attempt to start now to change where we went wrong." He looked at his feet, jaw tensing before he looked back at Minerva. "I need to do this for Lily."

The women recognized that Severus really did need to do this. Both of them nodded before Poppy said, "I left a supply of the Calming Draught. It's your own brew, but it will keep you from having to make more so soon."

Severus inclined his head in thanks and followed them to the door of his quarters. After they were gone, he went to the lab and mixed another small plate of food.

In the bedroom, he set the plate on the floor by the bed. Without bending down to look underneath, he said, "You might be hungry. I put a small amount of Calming Draught in the food. I'm telling you so you will not think I am trying to trick you. You need to get your fears under control enough to transform back." He waited a few moments. "I am going to take a shower now. No one else is here, so you need not fear coming out to eat."

He did as he said and went into his bathroom, closing the door. A few moments later the sounds of running water was heard.

Under the bed, Harry trembled. He had backed himself into the corner and made himself as small as possible. He had been dreaming of Dudley, harsh hands stuffing him into the dark backpack, the backpack swinging through the air like some carnival ride from hell.

He awakened as the backpack hit the tree at the end of an upward arc. Terror and remembered pain had him transformed from human to cat again and he was leaping up off the bed, fur raised and eyes dilated. Poppy had been startled and had given a shriek at his sudden movement. The shriek had set Harry to yowling and scrambling for shelter under the bed. She had been trying unsuccessfully to persuade him to come out when Severus and Minerva had entered the room.

He listened as the water ran. The feline brain had heard the reassurances from the Potions Master. Now that he was beginning to calm, he could smell the food on the plate that was sitting on the floor. He had seen the black-clad feet as Severus stood there beside the bed. He had watched as they disappeared into the bathroom. Slowly, he crept out from under the bed and approached the plate. As Severus had said, no one else was here. He grabbed a couple of quick bites before scurrying back under the bed when he heard something fall in the bathroom.

A few moments later, Severus padded back out into the room. Harry watched as bare feet stopped beside the plate.

"I'll leave the plate. Perhaps you will feel like eating a bit more."

The feet disappeared into the other room and soon returned. "I will be reading for awhile. If you are able, come out and join me. We can talk or not, it's up to you."

The bed above him gave a small squeak as Severus sat down on it. The feet disappeared as he drew them up off the floor. The chair next to the bed was transfigured into a smaller bed, a fluffy pillow and warm blanket appearing.

"You may make use of this other bed if you transform back to yourself."

The feline brain was having a very difficult time comprehending that this human was the awful, greasy, Professor Snape. This human was speaking in an even tone that was reassuring. This human was feeding him and offering him acceptance and security. He could not help but think again that the man must simply like cats; he must like cats much more than he liked students. He had never been tolerant of Harry. He had never had a kind word for him. He had always been scathing and sarcastic when he spoke to him.

Above him, he heard the sound of pages being turned in a book. He started when the deep voice began to speak again and he soon recognized that the professor was reading aloud from the book. Harry relaxed a bit more as he listened to the calming voice that was so like and yet so different from the professor he was familiar with. He settled more and winced at the coldness of the stone against his paws. It would be warmer up on the bed.

He waited until he couldn't stand it any longer. Crawling out from under the edge of the bed he looked up over the top. Snape looked down at him and said, "Try to eat a bit more. The Calming Draught in the food will help."

Harry obediently went to the plate and ate a few more bites. He sat back on his haunches and licked his whiskers, looking back up at the man on the bed. When Snape extended a hand, he leaped backwards in fear. His back was bowed upward, ears laid back and tail fluffed out like a bottle brush.

"Harry, I have no intention of harming you. I give you my word. I was only about to invite you up off the floor. The dungeon stones can be very cold." Black eyes gazed down at him calmly. "Where is your Gryffindor heart? Surely it beats there inside you. Gryffindors are part lion after all."

Harry blinked wide green eyes and the slit pupils constricted a bit. Gryffindor heart… brave in the face of danger… yes, he could feel that within himself, even after having it nearly drowned. Gathering himself up, he leaped up onto the end of the bed near Snape's crossed ankles and sat down.

The professor merely went back to reading his book out loud. Harry listened to the soothing baritone and gradually settled down and curled his paws up underneath himself. Eyes closed, a soft rumbling purr sounded from his throat. Snape read until he noted that the small cat had fallen back to sleep, curled next to his feet, tail over his nose.

Severus took his wand from the bedside table and whispered another sleeping charm over the cat. Then he gently gathered the limp form in his arms and sat holding it, stroking the fur and giving some scratches behind the cat's ears. He laid the cat on the other bed and drew the coverlet over it before extinguishing the lights. With a weary sigh, he laid down and put his arm across his eyes.

How in Merlin's name had he come to care so quickly for the pitiful boy? He never would have thought that his feelings could change so rapidly. But the evidence was clear. The boy had been abused, and badly. Not only mentally and physically, but the blasted relatives had essentially stolen from him. Money that had been sent to them monthly to care for Harry's needs had been spent on extravagances for the cousin and to pay for lawn and cleaning services when Harry was away at Hogwarts and unavailable to be their servant. He had been begrudged even the cost of clothing that fit as the stupid Muggles bought high-end brand names for the whale and sent him to that exclusive boarding school, Smeltings.

When they returned to Hogwarts Albus had questioned them relentlessly, seeming to disbelieve the unauthorized inquisition he and Minerva had conducted. The Headmaster's reproach had left him feeling curiously unsettled. He had always known that the old wizard had played the cards dealt in this war like a master strategist. He always thought several steps ahead and no one knew what might come next. It was his way of preventing leaks in the organization and Severus understood that as well. As a spy, it was to his advantage to be able to claim ignorance of plans whenever the Dark Lord questioned him.

A soft sigh from the other bed had him casting a dim lumos and peering over. Harry was still asleep, but had transformed back to human. That, at least, told Severus he was calmer.

It was good that it was summer. No students around meant that Harry would have more opportunity—

Severus shot up in the bed. What was the date? How could he have forgotten?

Cursing under his breath he took up his wand again and cast a date spell. As it hovered there in the air like wispy blue smoke he stared at it.

Draco would be arriving here today. He had promised his godson that he would give him the opportunity to see what the life of an apprentice to Potions might be like. Draco thought that he wanted to pursue that avenue after graduation. While Severus agreed that Draco had the intelligence and the orderliness of mind for that career, he secretly held a doubt that the boy was selfless enough. A Potions Master gave up a great deal of freedom, brewing for days and weeks on end for the more complicated and involved potions. Draco saw traveling to exotic places to gather fresh ingredients as a plus. Severus had intended to show him the down-side of that; the drudgery, the wading through dense hot rain forests and the hottest, driest deserts to obtain most precious ingredients without the use or aid of magic, which altered their value.

Now Severus had Harry Potter here. Draco could not see that. His father, Lucius, was a high ranking Death Eater and Draco would do anything to gain his father's approval. He looked over at the boy, illuminated faintly by the blue lights. The shadows under his eyes were more pronounced in this dimness. Severus could only imagine what nightmares he would be having if not for the potions he had been given.

He needed to stay in his human form and practice shifting back and forth when he desired it, not out of reaction to events around him. Severus had sent Minerva back to her sister's. Poppy would probably gladly have Harry in the Infirmary, but Severus knew Harry would not be happy there. Why his happiness should be a concern of his, Severus didn't want to think about. Albus would also gladly watch him, but Severus was still wary of whatever the old wizard's motivations had been to keep Harry with those pitiful excuses for relatives. Severus would not put it past the codger to put Harry back with them if given the chance.

He had barely agreed to let Harry go to stay at Grimmauld Place. Knowing what he knew now, Severus no longer believed that Grimmauld Place was right for Harry. The boy needed to be with someone who would be supportive of his animagus training. Lupin would, but he wasn't there all the time. He had missions amongst the werewolves to be attending to.

Granger and Weasley had said that Harry had wanted his own secret, something no one else knew about. Severus understood that all too well. Minerva was the only one who knew that he was an unregistered animagus. She had discovered it only by chance, during one of Severus's midnight prowls around the castle. It had been years ago, but Minerva had agreed to keep the secret. It was added insurance and it made sense to keep the information to themselves. Severus was a double agent. He needed at least one advantage that was his alone. That was the only reason she had agreed to go back to her sister's. She knew that Severus was an experienced animagus.

Now, he lay there, listening to the quiet breathing of the boy on the other bed. Every few moments there would be a soft whimper. The Calming Draught and the sleeping charm were not holding the nightmares away. He would have to devise a plan to give Harry the needed Dreamless Sleep. He had to be in human form when it was given… perhaps next time Harry would have gained enough control to remain human.

Draco Malfoy… his godson. He wished he could believe that Draco would not go running to his father if he found out harry was here and an animagus to boot. He hoped to influence the boy away from the dark grasp that his father held him in. For that matter, Severus wished that it would be possible to lure Lucius away from the Dark Lord. It was entirely too dangerous to attempt it now, for either of them. But in the future…

Sighing heavily, Severus sat up. It seemed he would not get the sleep he had been searching for after all.

*********

_**A/N:**__ Okay, this is where the done portion is used up. From here on out it will be all new to me too! I have a few scenarios in mind that are still taking shape. Feedback, ideas, comments… they all help feed Miss Muse. You never know when your review may be the one that turns something around in another direction._

_What is 'Haja'? You will be finding out soon. Any guesses? I'll let you know if you're right, and I'll let you know if you help the story behind it along with your commentary!_

_Reminder that this is AU, summer after sixth year, going into seventh. It cannot be held as compliant with any of the books, so don't try. I won't be._

_It's too hot here in Texas. The "cold front" brought it down from around a daily 103 to high in the mid 90's. But the humidity negated any benefits from the drop in temp. I'll just mow the yard when everyone else is leaving for work on Monday morning. Heck, maybe I should get up and do it while it's still dark out!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Haja**

Chapter 6

Severus sat up on the edge of his bed and put his head into his hands in thought. Staring at Harry in the dim light, he was continuously surprised not to feel resentment and loathing for him. As he sat there, he realized that his old feelings of protectiveness for Lily had reappeared as the needs of her boy had been made known. He had pushed those aside all those years ago, in favor of harboring the hatred for the man she had chosen. As he looked at Harry, he now saw less of James and more of the girl he had adored so much.

Harry stirred, as if sensing that he was being observed, and he opened the green eyes so like hers and stared back at him. Severus opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Harry whispered,

"I'm sorry, sir."

Severus frowned. "What are you apologizing for?"

"For being such a bother. I know you don't like me. I'm sorry that you had to come for me. I shouldn't have tried the animagus—"

"Your cousin was hunting you for sport, Potter. You instinctively did what you had to do to survive. In other circumstances, I would have agreed that transforming for the first time without an experienced animagus coach present was quite foolish."

Harry turned his head away and Severus could see, even in the half light, that he was fighting to keep his emotions under control. Leaning towards the bed, he continued, "You were not foolish." He reached out and tentatively touched Harry's shoulder. The boy was trembling. "Going back and forth between your animal form and human tends to make ones emotions more difficult to control. Especially at first, your thought processes will be confused until you are used to making the transition."

Harry looked up at him warily and hurriedly swiped at the tears that leaked from his eyes and down his cheeks.

Severus sat back and straightened. "I am glad that you are awake, though. I have just realized what day it is. Draco Malfoy will be arriving tonight, to spend time with me as an aspiring apprentice."

He ignored Harry's look of alarm and continued. "You have a decision to make. As I see it, you can go to the Headmaster and ask to stay here at Hogwarts or you can go to Grimmauld Place. I believe that he is not yet convinced of the lethal environment at your aunt's. I believe that he might try to convince you to return there for the remainder of the summer. He has said that he will let you go to Grimmauld if he can get watchers to be there with you." Harry had raised himself up and now sat huddled in a tight knot with his arms around his knees. Severus could see that his pupils were becoming slitted and guessed that he was headed towards another emotion-induced transformation. He hurried on, "I propose that you stay here with me. Not as Harry Potter, but as my familiar, as a cat. Draco does not need to know that it is you. There will be ample time for you to remain in your human form if you stay within a warded room while you are. At other times, when you are in our company, you will be a cat."

He waited to see what Harry's reaction would be to that suggestion. He halfway thought that the boy might take the option of going to the headmaster. There probably would not be a question of it, if Severus had not told him of his own reservations.

The green eyes gradually became human again and Harry asked quietly, "You would really let me stay here with you? Why?"

Severus sighed and ran his fingers through his hair again. Then he looked at Harry intently. "I cared for your mother. I cared for her a great deal. If I am to be honest with myself and with you, I have spent these last years resenting you solely because you are your father's son, instead of seeing you as Lily's son. I still see a lot of him in you, and I still don't like that. But now I see her in you too. Added to the fact that I found your home life to be disasterous…" He leaned towards Harry, "I do not dislike you any longer."

Harry looked bewildered. "But—"

"There are no 'buts', Potter…. Harry. I find that I don't feel as I did even yesterday about you."

"Because I am a cat animagus? Is that why?"

Severus looked thoughtful for a moment and then narrowed his eyes. "I cannot deny that I prefer cats to humans in most cases. I have never had a cat as a familiar, though. We need to think of a name for you, and I must prepare that room, if you are staying." He gazed at Harry levelly, waiting to see what the boy would choose.

Harry chewed his lip and looked off at the fire. When he whispered, Severus had to strain forward to hear him. "Professor Dumbledore will make me go back. He believes that the blood wards are the best to keep me safe."

Severus asked quietly, "Have they always been… hard on you?"

For a moment, Severus thought that Harry would deny what he already knew to be true. But then he gave a brief harsh laugh and another tear tracked unchecked down his cheek.

"I tried! I tried so hard!" Harry's voice sounded forced through clenched jaws. "When I was little and before I came to Hogwarts, I just thought that's how everyone's family was. I thought everyone had a boy that did the chores, that got yelled at—"

"But they didn't just yell, did they? When did they start hitting you?"

Harry just looked at him, shaking his head in question, and Severus knew that he probably didn't remember a time when they didn't. His anger at the Dursley's boiled up in him again. Harry must have seen it, for he drew back against the headboard, eyes slitting again. In a blurry flash, he was the rail thin, black cat again.

Before he could bolt, Severus reached over and scooped him up. Harry started to hiss, claws extended, but Severus held him gently by the scruff and looked him in the eye. "I will not hurt you. You know that I have a famously short temper, but I will not ever strike you. You are safe here, do you understand?"

The cat stared at him with bright green eyes and gave a little '_meowrr_' sound from his throat. Severus sat him down in his lap and stroked his back before scratching him behind his ears.

Harry 's first impulse was to leap away when Severus had released him, but the scratching arrested his movement as he leaned into the fingers. Closing his eyes, he heard a rumbling noise from close by. Opening them, he was startled to find that he was making that noise himself. He was purring. After a moment, when it appeared that Severus was willing to keep on with the scratching, he settled more securely on the lap.

"Get some more sleep," Severus's voice murmured. "I will be getting your room ready." Harry felt himself gently lifted and then placed back down in the warm spot where the Potions Master had been sitting. He curled himself around, tail over nose, and did as Severus said.

*********

When he woke up, he was again in his human form. A tentative stretch proved that his injuries were healing well. He was still sore, and there was an ache deep in his bones when he moved. Severus walked into the room and nodded.

"Good. I was hoping that you were awake. Follow me."

Harry stood up and followed the man, curious about where they were going. Severus walked through a door and stopped, allowing Harry to step in and pass him. He couldn't help the dropping of his jaw as he looked around.

Severus was speaking and Harry struggled to catch up with what he was saying. "…. and the house elf Dobby will bring you your meals when you must stay here."

"I have to stay in here all the time?" Harry felt a panic rising, even though the quarters were beyond description, and plenty roomy enough.

Severus shook his head, his expression one that said he was trying very hard to be patient. "During the time you are in cat form, you may be outside this room. But while you are in human form, and you _must_ spend the majority of the day as a human, you will be warded inside this room. Draco must not see that you are here, or that you are an animagus. He must believe that I am still loyal to the Dark Lord."

Harry slowly wandered around the room, hesitating to touch things. Severus noticed his reluctance.

"The room and its contents are yours to do with as you will. You will note that there are textbooks amongst the books on the shelves. You will be working on your summer assignments while you are here."

He had expected Potter to protest that and was surprised when the boy merely nodded his head as he tilted it sideways to read the spines on the books.

"There are some animagus books here! I couldn't get to some of them in the library, even with my invisibility cloak—"

He swallowed and looked at his feet. Quietly, Severus asked, "How did you come to have such an object?"

"I got it for my first Christmas here at Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore gave it to me. It was my dad's"

Severus shook his head in exasperation before seeing that Harry wasn't even looking at him, but at the floor. He put a hand on the young man's shoulder and he jerked as if struck.

"I am not angry at you, Harry. I am angry at the Headmaster for gifting you with an object that can only encourage you to go where you shouldn't."

Harry looked up at him in surprise. "You're not – You're not mad at me?"

"No. But I will ask you to give it to me for the time being." Harry looked aghast at that and Severus hurried to add, "Only until I'm certain you won't be using it to hide yourself away."

Harry searched the dark eyes for a long moment before he nodded dejectedly. In the next instance his face fell into a look of despair. "Oh no! Everything is at my Aunt's house! If they find it all, they'll burn it!"

Severus shook his head. "Professor McGonagall and I paid a visit to that house. Before we left, we retrieved everything that could be summoned." He swept a hand to point at Harry's trunk, where it stood at the foot of the bed.

Harry quickly went and knelt down beside it, opening the lid. Severus had not paid much attention to the contents before, but now he went and sat on the end of the bed to observe.

Harry pulled out the invisibility cloak and let it slide through his fingers. It shimmered in the light and Severus could tell it was of the highest quality. Harry laid it aside and pulled out his wand. With a sigh he ran his fingers over its length before reaching back to tuck it into his pocket. He pulled out an oddly folded piece of parchment next.

He sat holding it for a few minutes before he said, "You'll probably want this too." He handed it up to Severus without looking at him.

Rather than taking it Severus moved to sit on the floor beside the boy. Harry looked at him in surprise, looked at the floor he sat on and then back at his face, as if trying to decide if Severus was sane.

Severus looked at the parchment curiously. "Why don't you tell me what it is, and then we can decide if it I need to hold it for you."

Harry opened it up slowly and with one last glance at Severus's face he pulled out his wand and touched the tip to the blank page. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Severus moved closer as lines began to appear on the parchment. Before long it was obvious that it was a map of some kind. Harry laid a finger to a spot and said, "Here we are."

The area was labeled as Snape's Quarters and Private Laboratory. Two red dots were labeled with their names and resting in exactly the spot they were sitting. Before Severus could grasp that, Harry was pointing to another area. "There's Professor Dumbledore. Looks like he's meeting with Professors McGonagall and Flitwick."

Severus held out his hand. Harry drew back a bit and then Severus asked, "May I see it?"

He handed it over reluctantly and watched as Severus traced his long fingers over the map, examining it minutely. He turned it over and saw the words of the men who had crafted it and frowned before saying, "This is a fine piece of magical construction."

Harry kept his eyes on the map, ready to snatch it away if it looked as if Severus would tear it. In a small voice he said, "I know my dad used it to know where you were. Remus told me that he tried to keep him from spying on you and setting you up, but my dad was—" He stopped and Severus looked over at him. Harry's jaw was clenched tight and he looked away. "I don't understand how he did some of the things he did. I had always imagined that he was kind. When I—" he swallowed heavily, "When I looked in your pensieve, I was just trying to see if you and Professor Dumbledore were keeping secrets from me. Instead, I found out my dad was a jerk. That was worse."

Severus realized two things at once. It was finally crystal clear that this boy was nothing like his father had been. And too, Harry's dreams and imaginings of the man had been shattered.

He handed the map back to Harry, inwardly resolving to get a better look at it later on. For now it was obvious that Harry needed it to be in his possession. Harry looked at him in surprise again and muttered, "If you don't stop doing what I least expect I'm going to have a stroke."

Severus smirked a bit before saying, "As I was saying, it is a fine piece of work. It should serve you well to know when Draco is about and when it is safe to emerge." Green eyes looked up at him with amazement. "I really have no desire to keep you prisoner, Harry. You must understand that."

Harry nodded. "I guess I thought you wouldn't want to see me any more than you had too."

Severus reached out and quickly ruffled his mop of hair before he could recoil. "You'll have to be putting up with me too, won't you."

A small smile quirked Harry's lips at that. He looked back down at the map and touched his wand to it again. "Mischief managed." The lines and words on the map sank back into the parchment, leaving it blank once more. Harry carefully folded it and laid it back in the trunk. He picked up an album then and Severus thought the boy was close to crying again as he sat holding it to his chest. Finally, he opened it and Severus saw that it was filled with pictures of Lilly and James. There was one where they were holding a very young Harry, and then there was a picture of the original Order of the Phoenix. Harry traced his hand over the smiling faces and said, "Sirius gave this one to me. Right before—"

He shut the album with an air of finality and laid it back in the trunk. Closing the lid, he struggled to rise without wincing. Severus took his elbow and steered him to the bed to sit. Harry looked around the room and shook his head. "This is too generous of you, sir. I can't put you out of your room."

"This is not my room, Potter, this is the new addition. It's not as large as mine. But it does have a feature I believe you will like."

He strode to the windows and drew back the curtain to reveal a garden door. Harry came over to look out and saw that there was a small arbor surrounded by a high wall. A fountain in the middle was the origin of a small pebbled stream that wound through the trees. Harry looked up at Severus and his chin quivered. Pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes he whirled away.

"Merlin! When will these emotions stop shifting?!"

Severus put a hand on his shoulder briefly and said calmly, "Soon. I am making a schedule for you to use while practicing transforming back and forth. Minerva loaned me her notes for mentoring a new animagus. You will have essays to write that help you think about the new emotions and instincts. It will serve to help you know yourself in either form much better, and gain control."

He waited until Harry was able to uncover his eyes and look up again. "The walls and door are warded against anyone but you and I coming and going. I hope that it will help you feel less penned in."

"Thank you, sir. I'll try not to be in your way."

"You won't be." He stood up and motioned towards the door to the other rooms. "Come, you must be hungry. Dobby will be sending up our tray any time."

Harry followed Severus back out to the sitting room. In a moment, Dobby appeared with said tray in hand. His bulbous eyes leaked huge tears as he served them. A fierce scowl from Severus sent him whimpering before he could latch onto Harry.

Harry ate slowly and Severus watched without comment. When Harry pushed his plate away before eating even a quarter of the food on it, Severus stood up and went to a shelf behind his desk. Plucking a small vial from it, he handed it to Harry.

"It's a nutritional supplement potion. If you cannot eat anymore than that, you will have to take it regularly until your appetite returns."

Harry took it wordlessly and swallowed it with barely a grimace. He handed the vial back with a murmured thank you.

Severus cast a tempus in the air and Harry looked up. "You should go into your room now. Draco could arrive at any time. Once you are inside there will be no sign of a door or another room. It will be warded against any sounds, as well. Do some reading and then some meditations on your animagus form. Afterwards, try to write down what you are feeling."

Harry nodded and made his way back to his room. Severus stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "If you need company, you may transform and join us out here later. A small doorway should appear and let you pass through when you need it."

The invitation seemed to make the boy brighten and he entered the room with a slightly easier step.

********

Harry found the one of the books on animagus particularly interesting.

…_in most cases, the initial transformations from human to animal and back will be quite disorienting. This is due to the differences in the thought processes between the species. Some animals that have well-developed higher brain functions will not cause as much distress to the host. The exercises in this manual will assist the wizard in finding the path to transformation that will be the most comfortable…._

Harry read ahead a little and noted that there were meditation directions and essay instructions, just as Snape had said there would be. For a moment, Harry thought about how different the professor had seemed. He was being very patient, where before he was constantly scathing and hateful. He seemed not to mind that Harry would be underfoot for the foreseeable future. He had gone to this trouble of making sure Harry was comfortable and had assured him that he would not hurt him.

While Harry had never feared that the Potions Master would ever physically hurt him, he had been relieved that the man had addressed his insecurities and had promised that he would not ever strike him. Harry shivered with the memory of his uncle and cousin. Beatings had been the only way the two had communicated most of the time. They took any excuse to serve up a round of bashed ribs, bloody lips and noses, or bruised kidneys.

…_while in your animagus form, focus the human part of your thought processes on what you are feeling. This will be difficult until you have enough practice to recognize the difference between the human and the animagus. It is important that you practice daily, and that you keep a written journal. What you plan to remember tends to get lost when one has transformed from animal back to human. Writing it down as soon as possible helps you to go back and see what happened with clarity…._

Harry found a journal in the desk and opened it to the first blank page. Sitting down, he began to write about his experience so far. He had written several pages before he stopped to look it over. The book was right. Writing it all down allowed him to see things he had missed in the simple experience. He could look back and analyze what had happened, how it had made him feel.

His stomach rumbled and he cast tempus to see what time it was. To his surprise, several hours had gone by. No doubt Draco was here and the two Slytherins were involved in deep potions discussions.

He closed his eyes and concentrated, doing as the book instructed, feeling for the changes that transforming caused in his mind and body. The shifting felt more comfortable this time and it was not as jarring to the feline brain. He could tell that he had more of his human thinking abilities this time. Going to the door, he sat down and looked at it. Snape had said that a small door would appear when he wanted to leave. Giving a soft meow of question he finally stood up on his back legs and put his front paws on the wood. As he stepped back, a small door on a two-way hinge appeared in front of him.

He pushed through with his nose and then turned to watch the doorway disappear again now that he was in the sitting room. He looked around and quickly ascertained that no one was there. Were they in the lab? Or maybe they were already at dinner.

Harry trotted through the room to the door to the Potions Master's private lab. It was closed. Maybe the man had spelled it to admit Harry? He repeated the process of standing on his hind legs to place his front paws on the door. Again, a small door appeared and Harry pushed through the doorway. His sensitive nose was almost overcome with the smells in the lab. He gave a series of delicate sneezes that caught the attention of the blond working over a cauldron.

"Severus, a black cat just appeared. Should I chase him out before he knocks something over?"

He was already wiping his hands on a cloth and heading towards Harry before a voice instructed, "Leave him be, Mr. Malfoy. Get back to your work. You should be at a critical stage of brewing, and leaving it unwatched even for a few seconds could make your work be for nothing."

Harry sat back on his haunches as Draco scowled and returned to the cauldron. From here, Harry could see that the flame was high and that Draco's normally immaculate hair was hanging limply around his sweaty face.

Harry heard the sounds of boot heels on stone and looked under the tables to see the familiar black robes swishing towards him. Well, not as familiar from this vantage point, but he knew who they belonged to. The boots and robe stopped at the table Draco was working at. Harry could see that the Potions Master was observing the contents of the cauldron as he did in class. He took the stirring rod from Draco and lifted some of the fluid up to drip back into the rest.

"Almost satisfactory, Mr. Malfoy. If you were a student, it would be quite satisfactory. But for a Potions Apprentice, it is lacking. The few seconds that your attention wandered are to blame. Did I not instruct you that constant watching was the key?"

Draco muttered something and Severus leaned towards him. "You wished to refute this?"

Draco raised stormy grey eyes and with a quick flick of his wand he extinguished the flame under the cauldron. "When I wanted to come here to see about being an apprentice, I really just wanted a chance to be with you; out of the mansion for once. I get here and you start me off right away on this potion that probably took you years to master! Can't it be done at a lower flame for a longer period so it's not so bloody hot?"

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and glared. "This will not be the vacation you envisioned. You asked for a look into how an apprenticeship worked and what it would be like. You will find that I have a schedule already planned with your assistance in mind. Had you told me you merely wished to be out from under your parent's watch, I would have denied your request."

Draco looked at his feet glumly and nodded. "I just thought it would start out a bit slower, with me assisting you or something."

"You will be assisting me. An apprentice is an invaluable resource. However, the training of one requires a great deal of patience that I do not have. We will be working closely together, but you will be doing many tasks that you may find distasteful. We will be working long hours on some days. We will be traveling to remote areas to harvest plants, herbs and animal parts that are hard to come by or very expensive. You will get dirty," he motioned to Draco's hands, and sweaty." He motioned to the limp hair that Draco pushed out of his face.

Snape regarded him quietly while Draco continued to stare at his feet. He turned and looked at the cat watching the exchange. Harry found himself walking over and winding himself around the ankles of the Potions Master. The tall man bent down to rub the top of Harry's head before turning back to Draco. His voice was quiet but firm.

"If you have changed your mind about the summer's work, you may back out now without complaint from me. I will simply revise my schedule and plans. However, if you stay, you know now that it will require your cooperation and hard work. I can assure you that at the end of the summer, your knowledge of potions and their foundations will be significantly above any other seventh year. You will know, without a doubt, whether or not the career suits you."

Draco looked up at him and nodded. "I did want to see what being a Potions Master was like. I just thought that it would be more fun, because we're…"

"I will not coddle you through it because you are my god son."

Harry stopped his rubbing against Snape's ankles at that bit of information. ''_'What?!'''_ At his meow, Severus bent again and scooped him up. He settled Harry into the crook of his arm and continued to rub his head behind his ears.

Draco narrowed his eyes as he looked at the cat and said, "His eyes look like Potter's. That white patch even looks like that ridiculous scar, just like Potter."

Snape tightened his hold on Harry when he would have leapt out of his arms. "He does bear some similarities. However, my new familiar is very sensitive to moods. So you will treat him accordingly. He is in training, just as you are."

"I've never known that a familiar required training," Draco commented. He reached out to pet the cat but drew his hand back when Harry hissed warningly.

Snape gave a low chuckle. "A familiar of mine will be trained not to jump up on counters and tables where dangerous potions and draughts may be brewing. He will learn that the laboratory is not the best place unless he has been invited. Shedding hairs may contaminate brews and cause any number of unexpected results."

Harry knew that Snape was talking to him when he said these things. He was letting Harry know that his presence would be welcome when possible, but that sometimes it would not be. Harry appreciated that the man was being forthright.

Draco seemed to have used the short time to make up his mind. "I'll stay if you still want me to. I'll try to work harder. I want you to be proud of me, Sev."

Harry felt the man tense up. "As the apprentice, you are to use formal address when we are in public. You may be more casual here in these rooms unless someone else is present." He looked at the blond for a searching minute. "Well, Mr. Malfoy. It seems that it is dinner time. We will, of course, be dining in the Great Hall with the others who are spending the summer here. It helps to get out of the dungeons periodically."

Draco looked down at his wrinkled robes and ran a hand through his stringy hair. "I'll just go shower first—"

"You will have to make do with a quick freshening spell. It's what I use most of the time when I am in the midst of brewing or classes."

Harry thought his keen hearing heard Draco muttering about that explaining Snape's oily appearance during the school year.

The two of them headed towards the door and Draco looked at the cat in Snape's arms. "You never said what his name was."

Snape paused for a moment and Harry stilled. They had never gotten around to discussing what his cat name would be. He held his breath, waiting for whatever silly name spilled off the man's tongue.

"Haja. His name is Haja."

_**A/N:**__ Note to self…there is no poison ivy in the UK. Thanks to everyone who pointed out that little error. I was going to change it, but I've never had good luck with trying to edit /and/or replace chapters here on ff. So, I decided that the poison ivy affliction will just have to stand. Maybe stinging nettles would have been a better punishment for the Dursley's, and a more geographically accurate one, but if you are familiar with poison ivy, it's pretty gross. Look it up. Maybe you can allow me to have this little detail if you just believe that Minerva and Severus wanted to hex them with something not so common to the average UK resident. Wouldn't that have made it more frightening? I'd like to think so…_

_So, now we know that Haja is Harry's cat name. The meaning will become clearer in the next chapter._ _Terrifica Oneiroi is the reviewer who made the first correct guess as to the meaning. I thought more of you would guess it before now… and no, it has nothing to do with anime or manga! Teas and biscuits to T.O.!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Haja**

Chapter 7

Harry contemplated the new name as he rode through the corridors in Snape's arms. They arrived at the Great Hall before Harry had reached any conclusions. Snape put the cat down and let him walk on his own to the table that was set up in the center of the room for the summer residents.

Harry sat back on his haunches. He couldn't very well claim a chair in his animagus form. Severus snapped his fingers and an elf, Dobby, appeared at his side. He leaned down to whisper in the elf's ear and Dobby beamed a smile down at the cat before popping away.

Albus and Hagrid had come in and settled into chairs. Hagrid raised his hand and was about to greet Harry when Albus laid a hand on his arm, looking pointedly at Draco. Hagrid scratched his head and ran a hand through his scruffy beard instead of the planned greeting. Harry trotted over and wound around the half-giant's feet.

"This is a fine cat ya have here, Professor Snape," Hagrid said, as he reached down to scratch the cat's head.

Severus nodded. "Yes. He is a recent acquisition. He seems intelligent enough, I suppose."

Harry moved over to him and stretched himself up to rest his front paws on Snape's thigh. He extended his claws and gave another stretch so that they dug into the flesh beneath the robes. Snape gave a start and reached down to gently push the cat away. "No begging. You will get your own meal in due time."

Harry sneazed at that. Everyone else was digging into chicken. He could smell it! He was probably going to be served up with more potion-laced catfood back in the dungeons. If Draco wasn't here, he could transform back to human and enjoy a real meal!

Just then, Dobby reappeared beside them and set a small plate down beside Snape's chair. On it was a pile of diced chicken, the same as what was on the platters above him. Harry gave an appreciative meow before settling down with contentedly closed eyes to delicately eat the meat. Above him, conversation flowed and the Headmaster was asking Draco how his first day had gone.

Harry was about to tune it all out to wash his paws when he heard Albus ask, "If you'd like to leave your new familiar here with me while you're away, I'd be happy to look after him, Severus."

Harry perked up his ears. Snape was leaving? He was leaving Harry here? His breath caught in his chest and he looked up at the man. The meow that slipped out wasn't meant to sound so pitiful, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't even used to being with the man and here was another change to deal with.

Snape bent down and picked him up, settling him easily in his lap. Harry closed his eyes under the petting hand, wondering if the man understood what he was feeling.

"I haven't decided whether or not to take him along, Headmaster. Draco and I will be going to the South American rainforests. It could be quite dangerous for a small animal. I would hate to risk him."

Albus looked over his glasses at Snape and then down at the cat he was stroking. "Well, let me know. I'm sure I can be entertainment enough for him."

"Haja is still getting used to the castle. I wouldn't wish for him to get lost while I'm away."

"Haja? Is that the name you decided upon?"

"Yes. It seemed appropriate."

Draco wiped his mouth with his napkin. "You didn't tell me what it meant."

Snape began to gently scratch behind Harry's ears and the cat couldn't help the purr that began to rumble up his throat. "Various African translations of the word seem to mean 'need' or 'request', while some other languages use it to term 'comprehension', and 'understanding'."

Albus's eyes were shining. "Yes, I'm sure there are many definitions and meanings. It has an exotic ring to it, if I might say so; quite appropriate for you both."

Snape sneered back at him, but Albus noted the telling smirk under the sneer.

Draco sat back. "It's just a cat. We never had such _common_ animals at the mansion. Mother was allergic, I believe. Anyway, they seem sneaky to me. Look at Filch's cat, Mrs. Norris. She always looks out to get somebody."

Albus gazed at Draco levelly. "Mrs. Norris is a magical animal and her duties are to help Mr. Filch keep watch over the castle and its inhabitants."

Draco flushed and fell silent as he turned his eyes back to his plate.

Albus stood up. "Well, my friends, another day draws to a close. I have some things that need doing before bedtime, so I wish you all a good-night."

Everyone stood then and people began to go to the door. Hagrid stopped them, reaching out to pet the cat in Snape's arms. "I'd be glad to watch out for the little fella, Professor, if he needs to stay here. Just so you know."

"Thank you Hagrid. We will keep that in mind as we make our plans."

Draco stepped up. "See, Severus? The cat will just be in the way. Maybe Filch would let him stay with Mrs. Norris… he could be her cat apprentice or something."

Harry hissed at the blond, ears laid back against his head. Draco looked at the cat, arching a blond brow. "Hmm. One would think he actually understood what I said." He turned and walked out of the room.

Severus murmured, "Easy, Haja. We'll work it out." Harry relaxed in the arms that held him and allowed the man to carry him back to the dungeons. He really should be walking, but the thought of the distance made him queasy. Severus apparently thought so too, since he had carried Harry without question.

Harry went immediately to the hidden door when they got back to Snape's quarters. The small door appeared and he pushed through it before Draco got there.

Once inside his room, Harry transformed back to human and went to the desk. He was bent over the journal, writing about the last hour's experience, when there was a knock at the door. He got the marauders Map out and quickly looked to see that it was Snape alone who stood outside before he opened the door.

Snape raised an inquiring eyebrow as he came to sit in the chair that Harry had just vacated. Harry sat on the end of the bed and drew his feet up, watching Snape take note of the journal.

"I see that you are making use of the animagus exercise of journaling."

Harry nodded, "It helps, just like the book said, to get things clear in my mind." He looked down at the hands he had wrapped around his knees. "Dinner was a little…"

"A little disconcerting?" Snape finished.

Harry looked up at him for a few moments as he thought about it. Then he nodded again. "Yeah. That's a good word. Are you really going to be leaving me here?"

The question had popped out before Harry could stop it and now he hurried to add, "Sorry, sir. I was just surprised to hear that you had travel plans so soon…"

"Harry, I was planning to discuss it with you. I was only waiting until you were a bit more settled." He stared at Harry, gauging his reactions as he continued.

"I will be taking Draco with me to South America. The next moon phase will bring a very rare vine to bloom and it is an essential ingredient in a potion I have been developing. It's in a very remote river valley along the Amazon."

Harry stared back, his eyes shifting from one of Severus's to the other. After a few moments he asked, "Are you letting Dumbledore send me back to the Dursley's then?"

Severus had not expected that reaction at all. He had thought that Harry would ask to go to Grimmauld Place, or to stay with Hagrid, or as a last resort, to go along on the expedition… but he never would think that Harry would believe that he would be sent back to that torture …

Severus reached out and placed his hand on Harry's. Harry jumped and started to pull away before he simply tightened his fingers together as they clasped his knees.

"I told you that I would not allow you to be sent back there. I give you my word; that will never happen." He waited until Harry gave a jerky nod. "Albus will let you stay here in the castle I believe, since Hagrid has offered to keep watch."

Harry looked up at him and asked quietly, "Can I go with you?" He didn't understand why it made such a difference, but somehow he felt a need to stay with the man, no matter what their previous relationship had been like. "I don't want to be with Dumbledore right now." He lowered his eyes again and was about to apologize for asking when the large hand over his squeezed once and let go.

Severus stood up and paced the room slowly as he spoke. "It will be a dangerous journey. My inclination is to say no… having to watch out for one teenager will be quite enough."

Harry started to speak and Severus held up a hand to stop him. "It will be even more difficult, if not impossible, for you to maintain the secret of who you are, with Draco about." He paced some more.

"I am reluctant to leave you here, however." He looked down at the boy as he said that, his face drawn in a grimace of unaccustomed feeling.

Harry looked up at him at those words, hope swelling in him. But the look on Severus's face made him look away again.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay here. Hagrid will be here." Harry tried to speak with an assurance he didn't quite feel.

"If it was just Hagrid, I'd be unconcerned."

Something in Severus's voice had Harry looking at him again. The man was now standing at the door to the garden, looking out at a moonlit sky. "Albus has always had your interests in mind when he makes plans… but he has not always gone about them in a…." he paused, seeming to be at a loss for words.

Harry suddenly felt an anger at the Headmaster. "He's never been totally honest with me, has he?" Snape spun around at the anger in Harry's voice and stared down at him with dark eyes. Harry swallowed hard but went on.

"He says he had my interests at heart, but if that was true, wouldn't he have told me about Sirius's will? He knew how upset I was, thinking that everyone I ever had was gone…" He gritted his teeth against the upwelling tears, "He should have known that anything that they left to me would have helped me feel still connected—"

Severus walked slowly back to where Harry sat with his head face down on the drawn up knees. "Perhaps he thought that it would make your pain worse—"

"How??" Harry leaped up off the bed and threw his arms out in question. "How could it have made the pain any worse? The man I had just found out was my godfather was dead and gone! He was the only one that wanted me for just being me! Maybe knowing I had a real house—a place that could be my home—maybe that would have made me feel better!"

Severus snorted softly. "Surely you jest. Grimmauld Place is hardly a place that one wants to call home."

Harry was suddenly toe to toe with the taller man and he growled, "It would have been far better than what I _did_ have!"

Severus blinked as he recalled just what he and Minerva had found on their visit to the Dursley's. he gave Harry a nod. "My apologies."

Harry stepped back in shock. Shaking his head he stumbled backwards until he fell onto the bed. Severus reached out and Harry recoiled. "Who are you? Severus Snape would never apologize to me."

Severus stood there, taking in the stricken face of the boy, seeing that he was deadly serious. He really believed that he had to be an imposter!

Drawing himself up into a familiar stiff stance, he glared down his nose at Harry. "I assure you, Mr. Potter, that I am your hated Potions Master. I am simply attempting to make up for past--- mistakes."

Harry had crawled backwards until he was sitting up against the headboard of the bed. He had his arms around his knees again and his eyes were slitted like the cat inside him.

"I don't believe you. The man I know would never even consider it. You had me going for a bit, I even believed you after you sat down in the floor with me. But Snape would never, _ever_, apologize to me. That's where you failed."

Severus watched Harry sit there and shake for several more moments. In a state that he had never found himself in before, he had no words, no clue, as to how to handle this moment. Harry watched him just as closely and somehow his wand had found its way into his hand. Harry held it pointed at Severus, the grip on it so tight his knuckles were white.

Severus took a deep breath. "Call Dobby to you if you have a need for anything. Perhaps in the morning things will be clearer. Good night."

With that, he turned and walked out the door, closing it softly. Once in the outer room, he called Dobby himself. The little elf stood wringing his hands.

"If Harry calls you, you are to answer immediately. His potions are due to be taken. Try to get him to take them, but do not insist right now. He is upset."

Dobby nodded, pulling at his ears nervously. "Is the Professor wanting Dobby to stay with Harry Potter?"

Severus shook his head. "Fortunately, I have monitoring spells in place in the room. If he has trouble during the night, I will be aware of it. Thank you." He stood staring into the fire after the elf popped away.

One damn night… and already he had made a mess of things. Perhaps Minerva would be a better choice after all…

Back in his room, Harry managed to stop trembling and finally got up and sat in the chair in front of the desk again. Taking up the quill, he turned to a new page and began writing furiously. It was an hour later before he stopped. He was startled to see Dobby standing beside him, holding out vials of potion.

"Harry Potter is needing to take his potions."

Harry reached for the vials and then stopped. "He sent you to give them to me." He frowned and shook his head. "I'm not taking them. Take them away Dobby."

"Please, Harry Potter. You are needing the healing in the potions to get your strength back."

Harry looked at the elf for a few moments. "Can you assure me that they are truly safe?"

The elf lowered his eyes. "Dobby does not know what is in the potions, only that they are for you and that you is needing them to finish getting healed." He looked up at Harry. "Master Snape would not harm you. He is being concerned about Harry Potter."

Harry relaxed a little bit. He had just about written himself into accepting that Severus Snape was in fact trying to help him. There was just a bit of doubt left that he couldn't quite shake.

"Leave them Dobby. Maybe I'll take them later, alright?"

Dobby placed them on the desk and then snapped his fingers. A small tray with a glass of milk and a plate of biscuits appeared. Harry smiled at the elf and impulsively gave the elf a quick hug. Dobby stuffed his hands into his mouth to muffle the sobs of emotion and popped away before Harry could say anything else.

_**A/N:**__ Websters- online- dictionary dot org gives various definitions in some African dialects and languages for the word haja. Mostly, it seems to mean to need or to request. Harry is in need here, so it is appropriate in that sense. _

_It is also a derivative of Harry + James, Ha Ja._

_**Terrifica Oneiroi**__ correctly guessed it first. I thought of it before I knew there was a manga or anime character with the same name. __**Bonomania**__ was 2__nd __** , DebsThe SlytherinSnapeFan**__ was 3__rd __. _

_I really do appreciate all the reviews and the story alerts. Miss Muse loves them, too! They make my heart sing when I see them all in my in-box!_

_(BTW, if __**Visa**__ is still reading this, next time, make your review one that can be responded to. I would have loved to have told you I don't care what you think about the story. But now you know.) ~~Sorry everyone else… it just really irritates me that someone feels that they have to go to the trouble to tell an author how horrible their story is, and yet doesn't have the courage to make it a signed review! The rest of you guys rock!~~_

**Happy Reading! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Haja**

Chapter 8

('''…..''' = catspeak)

The monitoring alarms went off at 3 in the morning, and Severus made his way quickly to the door of Harry's room. He didn't bother to knock, but went directly to the bedside and looked down at the thrashing boy.

Sweat was beaded on Harry's forehead and upper lip. He was tossing his head back and forth, mumbling incoherently. A few words stood out in the wimperings-- "no Dudley…. please… no more water… can't breath…"

Severus saw the vials on the desk as he looked around the room. One of them was Dreamless Sleep, but Harry had not taken it. Severus picked it up and thumbed off the stopper. He waved his wand over it, murmuring an incantation. The potion inside swirled up in a spiral and Severus directed it down to the boy. As he murmured another spell, the potion hovered over Harry. In a slow glittering fall, the potion fell over the boy's belly and was absorbed through the sheets, through the nightshirt, and through his skin. Severus knew that it had successfully entered Harry's bloodstream when the thrashing about ceased and a relaxed and peaceful look came over his face.

Severus drew up the chair to the side of the bed and sat down. Steepling his fingers, he rested his chin on them as he rested his elbows on his knees. He knew that Harry wouldn't be awakening any time soon now. If the Dreamless Sleep had been taken at bedtime, he would have awakened at a normal morning hour. Now, he would likely sleep until noon.

Administering the potion in that manner was a way used in instances where it could not be administered orally; usually, during battles where the witch or wizard was injured beyond the ability to take any potions on their own, or in hospital where the patient was not in their right mind to follow instructions. Severus had learned how to administer potions this way to be able to give them to torture victims of the Dark Lord. He would give them what they needed to keep them alive a bit longer for the Death Eater's pleasure. He had always hated his part in doing this. While he didn't participate in the actual torture, it seemed to him almost as bad to be prolonging lives that were doomed to a painful death.

He gave a weary sigh as he continue to stare at the sleeping boy. Sitting back, he noticed the journal on the desk. With narrowed eyes, he briefly thought how wrong it would be for him to read it without permission. Then he thought about the fact that he was, for all intents and purposes, the boy's animagus mentor. This was an animagus learning journal. He needed to read it to be able to coach his student. Nodding his head silently at that reasoning, he picked up the journal and began to read.

************

Harry awakened slowly, laying still to catalog the way his body felt, sensing the room around him, trying to remember the night before. A careful stretch told him that his broken bones had mended and the internal bruising was less painful. The lingering muzziness was familiar from the times he had taken Dreamless Sleep. But he had refused it last night. Dobby had tried to give it to him and he had not taken it. Instead, he had poured out his emotional struggle into the journal, trying to equalize the feelings he had as a human and the feelings that he had as a cat. When he had finally crawled under the comforter, he had fallen asleep before he could remember to take the potions on the desk.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He picked up his glasses and slid them into place, squinting when things didn't come into familiar clarity. He looked over and made out the empty vial on the desk. Beside it, his journal lay open. Reaching over, he pulled it into his lap.

Below his own handwriting, there was a new paragraph in the spidery scrawl he recognized as Snape's.

'_**You are doing well with the journaling. It may seem as if your thoughts are in chaos, but they will order themselves soon enough, if you continue to apply yourself so diligently.**_

_**You had a nightmare in the early morning hours. You need your rest in order to complete your physical healing, and I took the liberty of spelling the Dreamless Sleep directly into your stomach. While you may be angry at the intrusion, your well-being is now my responsibility.**_

_**Call for Dobby, and he will bring you breakfast, or lunch if you prefer. Once your morning lessons are finished, Haja may join us in the laboratory. Please remain on the floor, as the brewing today will be sensitive.**_

_**We will continue the discussion about the journey later today.**_

_**SS'**_

Harry read the note again, frowning. He vaguely recalled the nightmare. He definitely recalled sitting here with Snape and daring to ask him to take him when they went on the expedition to harvest potions ingredients. The thought of staying here, the possibility that Dumbledore might send him back to Privet Drive, the recall of discovering that Dumbledore had kept his inheritances a secret from him… well, those thoughts were so disturbing that the words to actually ask something of Snape were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He was horrified that he had dared to request such a thing.

He was a burden that Snape would be glad to have a break from. His face burned, remembering how he had almost begged the man. But here, in the journal, Snape had not taken the opportunity to belittle his emotional state. Instead, he had assured him again that things would continue to get better. Harry remembered then how he had accused the man of being an imposter.

Well, who wouldn't?! Snape was hardly behaving the way Harry was used to. He was being… nice. While Harry deeply appreciated it, it was not at all what he was accustomed to…from anyone. Except perhaps Remus, Ron, and Hermione. But they weren't here right now, and it looked like it would be awhile before he saw any of them.

He showered before he summoned Dobby. While he ate a small omelet, he began to think about what the Headmaster had done. He had always trusted the old wizard, but now, he wasn't so sure anymore. Why had he not told Harry about his inheritance? Why did Harry have to stay with the Dursley's any more at all, if he had a house of his own? Despite what Snape had said about it being less than an ideal house, Harry had really meant what he said. It would have been better there, with Kreacher and the screaming portrait of Sirius's mother, than at Privet Drive. Harry had a feeling that there were still more things that the Headmaster had left unsaid. And if that was true, it gave Harry an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. That was why he had dared to ask to go along with Professor Snape… that was the lesser of two evils…

He concentrated as much as he could on the animagus text, trying to save the thinking about the Headmaster until later. After he had meditated he stood before the mirror in the bathroom.

The reflected Harry stared back with wide green eyes. Harry could still see remnants of bruising on his face, but he ignored it. Focusing on his eyes, he thought of the cat inside. It was eerie to see his own pupils contract and slide into vertical black slits. Taking off his glasses, he was surprised to see that his vision actually improved without them. Frowning, he put them on again and noted the blurriness.

He focused on making his eyes go back to human and his vision remained clear. Maybe this was a side-effect of being an animagus? If so, he wasn't going to argue with it. He would be glad to be rid of the clunky ugly frames his aunt had gotten from a local charity bin.

He put the glasses in his bedside drawer before transforming into the entire cat. The door opened for him easily this time, now that he knew how to operate it. Out in the sitting room, he paused to look around. He noted the absence of Slytherin green and meowed softly. That was unexpected. The room was furnished with golden oak tables and bookcases. A desk was over near the fireplace, as if the Potions Master liked to sit and be able to look into the flames while he was working. The side chairs were soft brown leather high backs with rounded armrests. The round table between them had a tea service set out. It was in a pattern that used intertwining vines without any floral embellishment.

Haja jumped up on one of the chairs to see if it was as soft as it appeared. He barely restrained himself from stretching out claws to test it. Snape would certainly frown on that, he was sure. The sofa was also leather, in a darker tone of brown. Throw pillows in muted greens, rusts and yellows lay against the ends. A pale green throw was over the back.

He wandered around the room, sniffing as he went. It felt strange to be nosing around like this, but the cat part of him was telling him that it was a part of becoming accustomed to his environment. When he had made a full circle of the room he turned his attention to the other doorways. One was firmly closed and a careful sniff at the space near the floor told him that this was Snape's private rooms. The other door was the one he had gone through the day before, the one leading to Snape's private laboratory.

Haja put his paws on the door and a smaller door appeared. He nosed through it and saw that the two Slytherins were again at opposite ends of the room, both brewing, standing over cauldrons with high flames underneath. As before, Draco was looking less than his usual elegant self. Haja couldn't help the happy meow at seeing that the blond was not having fun at the moment.

Draco looked over and called out, "Your cat is back, Severus," giving an impatient swipe of the hair on his brow with a robe sleeve. This time he remained with his attention focused on his brewing.

Haja sat back on his haunches by the door and waited for the black clad boots to draw near. He looked up at the Potions Master, green eyes blinking into the dark ones.

"Remember to keep to the floor today, Haja." With that he walked back to his own station, Harry at his heels.

"Do you really believe he understands that?" came the snide question from Draco.

Snape didn't respond, but returned his own attention to the cauldron . Haja sat there for a moment, not certain what he should do now. After a bit, he began to sniff and explore the perimeter of the lab, much as he had done in the other room. The perspective was very different from the floor. He noted that the stones were spotless. Even for a dungeon floor made of such old material, it was free from any extra dirt. It smelled of cleaning spells. He had never noticed before that cleaning spells had their own scent.

He sat for a long time looking up at the shelves holding all the potion ingredients. It towered up towards the ceiling for what seemed an endless distance. The smells coming from them were fascinating. The temptation to jump up on the first shelf to get a closer vantage point was making his muscles twitch.

"Haja, come." Snape's voice sounded just as he was about to give in to that temptation.

Haja walked back to the man's place and saw that now there was a small flat pillow on the floor under the work bench. It was just out of reach of the booted feet. Haja sniffed it. There was a familiar scent… one that was welcoming. He felt the light warming spell as he stepped onto it. It was a welcome contrast to the cold stones. Curling up with his paws folded under seemed an easy thing to do, even in a room inhabited by two Slytherins. The rumble from his own chest soothed him into sleep again.

He awakened to the sound of raised voices.

"You will do as I ask and study the books I provided. You wished to know what an apprenticeship would be like. I am giving you what you wished." Snape's voice was heavy with impatience and anger and Haja jumped to his feet. The man's boots were right in front of him. "I am growing weary of your harping on it."

Draco's voice was just as irate and the sound of his heels on the floor had Haja whirling to where they were planted on the other side of the work bench.

"I thought you understood that I wanted to _help_ you this summer, be away from the mansion and away from the pressure of my father wanting me to take the Dark Mark! I never meant for this to turn into an 18 hour a day class!"

"Part of _helping_ me, as you put it, requires more knowledge than you currently have. You are the one who specifically asked for an apprenticeship—"

"But—"

"Do not interrupt me again!" The bench over Haja's head creaked as if Snape had leaned on it to get nearer Draco. In a noticeably calmer voice Snape continued. "I am not insensitive to your desire to avoid the Dark Mark. You are too young to make such a life-altering decision. Being here is one of the only ways your father would allow such an opportunity to pass for the time being."

"Then, Severus, please, don't send me back…" Haja heard the plea in the other boy's voice and he felt a stab of pity for him. That bore remembering so he could write about it in his journal. He never would have thought that he could feel pity for a Malfoy.

"Idiot boy… I wouldn't. I am simply insisting that you stick with the terms of our agreement. The duties are not that onerous, Draco. You just have to stop believing that you are above the mundane tasks."

Haja had sat, his head swiveling back and forth at their feet as each of them spoke. Now there was silence. Draco shifted his feet after a few minutes, his toe scuffing the stones. His voice was more subdued.

"I know. I'll do better, Severus. Really, I will."

Severus's voice was also much calmer. "See that you do. I wish to be honest with your father and mother when they ask for a report of your progress. They see this as a way of helping you determine your course in life."

"Oh _please_!" Draco was impatient again. "They want to see how I can best serve that maniac."

"You mustn't say things like that Draco. You never know who might be in a position to overhear you."

"The only other thing around is your stupid new cat, Severus. I'm quite sure _he_ won't be in a position to give us away."

Severus stepped rapidly around the workbench then, his boot heels ringing against the stone. Haja had his back arched at the sudden movement and noise, a low hiss escaping him as he watched the progress of the boots. They came to rest right in front of the others and those were backing up at their approach. Even though Haja couldn't see through the wood bench, he could envision Snape grabbing Draco by the robe front and shaking him, if the movement of his shoes was any indication. They jerked forward towards the larger boots and Haja heard Draco gasp. Snape's voice was dangerous in its low intensity.

"Never, _ever_, take anyone or anything for granted, Mr. Malfoy. That will get you killed…after you are heinously tortured."

The smaller boots were pushed back away from the others and Draco took a stumbling step to keep his balance. Snape's boots turned and strode out of the room, the door slamming in his wake.

Haja stood there for a frozen moment before he scrambled out from under the table and ran to the door. He looked over his shoulder as he stood up on hind legs to press his paws on the door.

Draco was sitting down on a stool, his head dropped into his hands. The door appeared and Haja quickly nosed his way through.

In the sitting room, Snape was over at a side table, pouring himself a drink from a bottle of amber liquid. He stood before the fire for a few moments before he sat down in one of the armchairs.

He rested his head against fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, the other hand dangling the filled glass over the arm of the chair.

Haja went to the door of his room, intent on getting away from the tension in the air. At the wall where his door was hidden, he turned back and looked at the man. Haja knew that he posed as a Death Eater in order to spy for the Order. It had sounded like maybe Draco knew that as well, but Harry was sure that no one would have told him. Snape's words had been careful not to reveal his true allegiances, without once casting aspersions on the either side. It had to be an exhausting job to keep up with what to say to whom.

Before he could examine why he would do such a thing, the cat in him had walked back to the man and leaped up into his lap. Snape raised dark eyes to meet his questioning green ones. His hand came down and stroked along his back a couple of times. Harry purred his pleasure at the fingers scratching his ears.

Haja made a spot for himself beside the Potions Master, between the chair side and his thigh. Snape didn't protest, and in fact, he continued to pet the little cat, the tension melting out of him as Harry sat there allowing it.

'''_Does he know that you're a spy?'''_ Haja meowed softly, hoping he wouldn't anger the man into tossing him out of the chair.

"No."

'''_He believes that you are loyal to Voldemort?'''_

"Yes."

'''_I'm sorry…'''_

"For what are you apologizing now?"

'''_For all you have to deal with.'''_

They were silent for a time, both staring into the fire.

'''_Why do I trust you more when I'm a cat?'''_

There was no response from Snape on that.

Harry settled more, drawing his paws up underneath his body. Snape sipped at the glass silently until Draco came out into the room. He set the glass on the side table but made no move to stand. The fingers scratching Haja's ears suddenly felt tense and Haja opened his eyes to look up at Snape. His expression was as blank as always, no hint of tension there.

Draco came to stand in front of Snape and after a few moments he looked down at the man, his hands behind his back in that characteristic stance that Haja remembered from all these years at Hogwarts. It was the attitude of privilege, money, and it said that no matter what happened, Draco had his pure blood pride.

"I apologize, sir. I have a great deal to learn about potion brewing and about life. I would appreciate it if you would keep me on."

Snape sat there for a very long silent moment before rising to stand. He put his own hands behind his back and mirrored the stance that Draco held.

"I agree to extend another chance, Mr. Malfoy. Please be prepared to assist me in brewing the remainder of the schools medicinal potions tomorrow. I plan to be done with it before we go on the expedition." His voice held no anger. He simply ignored the incident just past and moved on to the next days planning.

Haja saw that Draco was aware of that by the slight twitch of a jaw muscle. But he only nodded once before turning stiffly to the outer door. Once there, he turned and said, "Good night, Professor."

"Draco." Snape's voice and the calling of his given name caused Draco to stop and wait.

"Draco, you will always be my godson. As such, you hold a special place with me. But you must see that a business arrangement is a different situation and must be treated with respect."

"Yes sir… Severus. I understand that now. I won't try to take advantage of our relationship again."

The outer door closed behind him softly and with a final click. Haja sat up in the chair and watched Snape rub the bridge of his nose again and sigh. The sound made Haja's fur twitch in sympathy, although he couldn't understand why that would be.

Snape finally turned back to him and said, "You should spend some time in human form while you can. Bring your books out here if you wish."

Haja jumped down and went to his door. Inside his room he transformed and gathered his journal and animagus book. Back in the sitting room, Snape was at the desk, writing something with his full attention. He didn't even glance up when Harry came back and sat down in the floor in front of the sofa.

Harry took that as a sign not to interrupt him and he opened the animagus text to his next reading.

…_..There will always be tendencies for traits to cross over from the human to the animal and from the animal to the human. This is what makes the animagus such a useful tool to the witch or wizard. Depending on the animal involved, such traits will assist them and enhance their lives…._

…_.The responsible witch or wizard will not ignore the repercussions of indulging traits that are undesirable. For example, one would not wish to display the ability to scratch behind the ears with a hind foot while out in human form. While this example may be humorous, there are many instances where it would not be, and the animagus student should spend much time in tending to these thoughts in order to be wholly successful…_

…_.. A worst case scenario would be when the animal mind becomes too much in charge and the human thought processes revert to a permanent primitive state…._

…_..As for a reverse example, a human with excellent problem-solving abilities will do well to cultivate those same thought processes while in animal form….._

Harry looked up at Snape and out of habit pushed his glasses up on his nose, only to find that he wasn't wearing them. Looking back down at the book and back at Snape and then around the room, he realized that his vision was very clear.

"Sir…" he said softly.

Snape looked over at him and raised an eyebrow in question.

"I don't seem to need my glasses anymore. The book says that we can keep some traits from our animagus. Do you think that I am able to keep a cat's vision while I'm human?"

Snape regarded him for some time, observing the face that was clear of obstructive lenses, and then nodded. "Yes. Very good, Potter…Harry. You should journal about it. It will help the trait to remain in place."

Harry could not explain why the small praise made him feel so emotional all of the sudden. It had taken Snape so long to answer that he had begun to regret saying anything, expecting to hear familiar derision coming from the man. When the response was positive instead, he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it.

Turning his face away, he busied himself with closing the book and getting out the journal and a quill, hoping Snape hadn't noticed.

At the desk, Snape watched the boy for a few minutes before resuming his own writing. It seemed that the note he had left had been well received, and that Harry had not taken offense at the administration of Dreamless Sleep. He would have to make sure the boy took it on his own tonight, to avoid another nightmare. He glanced back over at him, sitting there with the journal perched on his knees, writing in his messy scrawl.

He had not asked how Snape was able to answer his questions while he was a cat. But he was figuring his own abilities and traits out still. Snape would either have to stop responding to the cat's conversation, or expect to be confronted about it.

_**A/N:**__ It is my intention to call Harry Haja while he is in his cat form. I may have missed a few times and labeled him wrong. I'm sure it will happen again, but as long as we all know who we're talking about everything's good, right?_

_I hope that the animagus text is at least a little bit interesting. I haven't seen it done before, so I am really adlibbing it. It seems as if there would be some sort of instructional manual for animagus transformations, even if they are not readily available to the general student population. _

_Thank you again for all the reviews and the story alerts. The alerts are great, although sometimes I wonder if you are putting it on alert just so you can see what a mess I've made with the next part! ;)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Haja **

Chapter 9

('''……''' = catspeak)

Harry felt as if he was seeing the Potions Master with a whole new set of eyes. And, really, he was. It was a constant marvel to habitually push frames up on his nose and find that they weren't there. The clarity of objects both near and far made it hard for him to concentrate on his work because he would find himself absorbed in noticing details that were never so clear before.

He found himself re-examining all his previous years as a student of the Potions Master, the Occlumency fiascoes, the scathing remarks, the detentions. He was seeing that there just might have been other reasons besides the hatred of Harry's father for the man's behavior. Review of opportunities told Harry that if the man had wanted him dead, he had been given numerous occasions to make that happen. Yet, he had repeatedly protected Harry, even if it was done with snarling reluctance. He had told Harry that he had cared for his mother. Maybe his regard for Lily really was stronger than his dislike of James. Maybe the man was now seeing Harry as something other than a carbon copy of James.

If Harry's animagus had been a stag like James's, would he be so nice to Harry still? Harry doubted that, though it still was a shock that the man seemed to have taken a liking to the cat Harry became. What shocked Harry more was the way he was drawn to the man while in his cat form. He instinctively trusted him, wanting to be close to him, enjoying the long fingers stroking and scratching in the right places along his head and back.

Harry wrote about these feelings, trying to sort them out. He was hesitant to be so honest on paper. Snape had shown that he would openly read whatever Harry had written. That made Harry grit his teeth in irritation. These were private thoughts regarding his animagus experience. Snape reading the journal entries seemed too much like the legillimency lesson; too much like the man ripping into his inner most memories and thoughts. For a few minutes he wondered if he would still be so abrupt and ruthless with those lessons.

Dobby popped in and set a tray on the low table beside where Harry still sat on the floor. Hot chocolate and a few butter biscuits on a plate were accompanied by two small potions vials. Harry looked at Snape and the man motioned for Harry to take them.

"It's the last of the healing draughts; bone strengthener, and blood replenisher. You should have something in your stomach in order to take them both together. Your energy levels should be better afterwards."

Harry took the potions along with sips of the chocolate and bites of biscuits. He wrote a bit more in the journal before closing it and standing up. Snape looked up from his own work.

Hesitantly, Harry asked, "If I change to the cat, may I explore the castle? The book says that the way I see things that are familiar with my human eyes will be different with my animagus eyes."

"If you will get your map and let me hold on to it while you do so." The opportunity to study the magicked parchment was too difficult to pass up.

Harry nodded and went to his room, retrieving the map. He watched as Snape unfolded it on the table and pulled out his wand. Harry had to fight not to reach out and snatch the map away when he pointed the wand at the parchment. He clenched shaking hands when Snape murmured the password phrase.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good…" the man intoned.

They both watched as the parchment did…absolutely nothing. Snape had been thinking about the map and had realized that it was the 'spare bit of parchment' that Harry had been carrying back in his third year. Then, the map had rudely insulted him He had expected that it might do the same thing now.

Harry was staring down at the map wide-eyed. Then he looked up t Snape with a spark of fear in those green eyes. "I don't know why—"

"It's alright, Harry. You activate it and we'll see if it will stay activated for me." Harry searched the dark eyes and finally saw the assurance that he needed.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The map blossomed into the lines and swirls of the castle matrix. At the bottom of the map a new sentence appeared.

_**Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs**_

_**Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers**_

_**Solemnly requests that the current owner of**_

_**The Marauders Map**_

_**To reconsider allowing undesirable access to its properties.**_

Snape murmured under his breath and Harry had to look at him to see that he wasn't angry, but fascinated. "The magic in this astounding… that they were able to imbue it with a sentience when they were still students…"

Harry remained silent until Snape looked at him. "Walk away and we will see if it remains active when you are not close."

Harry obeyed, going back to his room and then out to the garden beyond. In a few minutes, he heard Snape come out behind him and he looked up at the man.

"It still works." He looked at the worried frown lines on Harry' face and lifted a hand to the teen's shoulder, briefly touching it. "Thank you for trusting me with it."

A flash of relief crossed his face before he asked, "Then I can explore the castle?"

Snape nodded. "Be careful. If you get lost, remember to become human again. Things look very different when you see them from different eyes. I expect you to return within an hour."

Harry nodded. In a blink he was down on the floor as Haja. He trotted through his room and to the front door of the quarters. He meowed happily when he found that he was able to make a swinging door appear here with his paws, just as on those doors inside. He glanced back over his shoulder at Snape standing there watching him. The Potions Master gave him a small nod and Harry disappeared through the door.

*********

The castle did indeed look different from this vantage point and in this form. Things had always been bigger than life to Harry, but to Haja they were huge. But he found that spaces that were inaccessible to a human were very accessible to a flexible cat. Nooks and crannies behind statues and suits of armor were shadowy realms that were full of intrigue. He knew he had spent a long time just in the main hall when he emerged from the dungeon stairs. His tail twitched as he tried to decide whether to go up the grand staircase or down another hallway off the main hall. He was about to go down a hall when the noise of the giant front doors of Hogwarts opening stopped him.

When the door opened and Mr. Filch came in carrying his bag, Haja hid himself in a tight space between the feet of a suit of armor and the sword it held pointed to the floor.

"Yes…It's good to be home again, isn't it dearheart?" The old squib was followed closely by the large orange-eyed cat, Mrs. Norris.

Unerringly, the cat focused on the space where Haja sat. With a low growl her hackles rose and her pupils dilated. As she stalked slowly to Haja's hidden spot Filch asked,

"What is it Mrs. Norris? Have the mice taken over while we were on holiday?"

The stringy-haired man bent over to peer under the armor and Mrs. Norris crept closer. Under the armor, Haja quivered. He had not thought that he would run into trouble so soon.

'''_Mrs. Norris, can you understand me?'''_

The orange eyes constricted a bit and she responded with a spit meow, _'''Who are you?'''_

'''_You can't tell…'''_

She let out an irate yowl that made Haja tremble more. _'''Answer me at once and I might not tear your innards out!'''_

'''_Ok! Ok! Harry Potter! I'm an animagus!'''_

Mrs. Norris immediately sat back and reversed her attack stance. Beside her Mr. Filch glanced over at her.

"What is it dearheart? It's only a small kit…you can easily take him!"

Haja meowed softly, _'''Please, Mrs. Norris… Professor Snape is my mentor, and Professor Dumbledore knows about me. I'm just looking around the castle.'''_

The orange eyes blinked and Mrs. Norris leaned over and rubbed her head against Mr. Filch's face that was still pressed close to the floor.

'''_We'll have to talk more later, young one. What are you called?'''_

'''_Snape named me Haja.'''_

Filch was gently prodding Mrs. Norris to move closer to the armor. "Go on, love! Get him!"

"Filch!"

The old man scrambled to his feet as the Potions Master strode towards him rapidly. "Ah, Professor Snape! I've only just gotten back and already my dear Mrs. Norris has discovered an intruder!"

Mrs. Norris meowed, _'''Here it comes… I love the man, but Merlin he can be so dense.'''_ She proceeded to wash her face with a paw.

"You have cornered my cat, Filch." Snape's voice was just short of snarling.

"_Your_ cat! You don't have a cat, Snape!"

"I do now, and he is off limits."

Haja peered out at them all. Filch was looking back and forth between Snape and the feet of the armor. He looked to be struggling for something to say and finally muttered, "Shoulda told me… why do we need another cat around here anyway…" He beckoned to Mrs. Norris, "Come dearheart. Let's go unpack."

Mrs. Norris stood up, stretching languidly. _'''I'm certain we'll be seeing each other around, little one. Snape will be an excellent mentor.'''_

'''_How do you know?'''_ Haja asked.

'''_He is one of us,'''_ she answered as she followed after Filch.

Haja crawled out from under the armor as the caretaker and his cat disappeared around a corner. He sat looking up at Snape with a questioning tilt to his head.

'''_What did she mean?'''_

Snape narrowed his eyes and pulled out his wand. Casting a tempus charm in the air he then looked down at Haja. "Instead of going back to my quarters, meet me in the Great Hall in half an hour. It is almost dinner."

'''_As Haja?'''_

"Of course," he said with a roll of his eyes and a slight lifting of one corner of his lip.

Haja flattened on ear back at the tone in Snape's voice. It seemed slightly contemptuous.

'''_Sorry. It took the cat brain a moment to remember why I can't be human in front of everyone here.'''_

"Hm," was all the response Snape gave that. He turned and strode back down the stairway that led to the dungeons and Haja stared after him for several long moments, part of him glad that the man had the Marauders Map. It was probably how he had known to come up to rescue him from Filch!

The encounter with Filch and Mrs. Norris had turned his adventure sour. The appeal of exploring was no longer there and now he felt hesitant about going off anywhere else. Mrs. Norris had seemed to back down, but what if she changed her mind? And what exactly had she meant that Snape was one of them? Snape had ignored that question neatly.

Unable to decide which direction to go, Haja went over to the doors of the Great Hall. From his place on the floor and gazing up, the doors seemed gigantic, even in proportion to other doors. He placed his paws up on the door to see if it would open for him. Nothing happened. No little swinging door appeared in the lower panels to allow him entrance. He sat back on his haunches, trying to decide what to do next. It seemed as if he couldn't get a clear thought about whether to stay put and wait or simply run off and resume his explorations.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught a flitting movement and his head turned sharply. A white moth was flying in a random pattern across the entry hall. It dipped down and the instinct to pounce became the new top priority in the cat's brain. The door was forgotten as he stalked the new prey. The insect came tantalizingly close and Haja quickly leaped and swiped with a paw. Missed!

The game was consuming and Haja kept dilated eyes on the moth. Again and again he played a game of almost-but -not-close-enough with the moth. Vaguely, he was reminded of something else that was as much fun as this… but it didn't matter… he would catch this bug at whatever the cost! He leaped again, only for the moth to take to a higher flight path and head towards the outer doors. Haja raced after it, not hesitating when the great doors opened and the moth went through them. So intent was he on watching the flight path of the moth, that he didn't see who had opened the door.

The moth now hovered around the head of Draco Malfoy and he swatted at it impatiently. Haja leaped up again to attempt a catch, narrowly missing landing in the arms of the Slytherin.

Draco reached out and easily pinched the moth between two fingers as Haja sat eyeing him reproachfully. His tail swished back and forth in is irritation and he eyed the moth hungrily.

Draco looked from the cat to the moth. "You'll have to develop faster reflexes if you hope to catch it, stupid cat. Now if you were a seeker like me, you could fly up on a broom and chase it like a snitch."

That was it! That's what it had reminded Haja of! Catching the snitch! And now the very annoying blond had his 'snitch'!

Without another bit of hesitation, Haja leaped up and quickly climbed up the wizard, using front and back claws to gain the leverage and height he needed until he was at Draco's arm and lightly running down to the hand and snatching the struggling moth from the surprised fingers.

He leapt away and sat down to hold the moth down in his front paws as he watched Draco's delayed reaction.

"That hurt, you damn cat! You put holes in my new slacks and robe! Who do you think you are, anyway?"

Haja stared up at him, mentally preparing to run if it looked like Draco would come after him. But the blond was busy rubbing at the claw marks, and examining his clothing for damage. Haja stood up and took the moth in his mouth. The trophy was his! He trotted back inside the castle door and back under the suit of armor, settling down to munch on his treat.

Draco followed him in and hissed, "I hope you choke on it, furball! If you didn't belong to Severus, I'd relieve you of your skin and look up cat parts as potions ingredients…"

Haja watched from his safe spot as Draco disappeared down the dungeon steps. The moth in his mouth gave a feeble twitch and Haja put it out of its misery with a bite. The taste was not what he had expected and he spit the moth out quickly. The powdery coating of the insect's wings clung to his tongue and the roof of his mouth. He sat there licking at his mouth, trying to get the bitter taste out, as he prodded the moth with a paw. It didn't move. Somewhere in his feline mind, he had learned a lesson, but he was still unclear about what it was.

Hearing footsteps, he looked out and saw Dumbledore coming down the staircase and heading towards the doors of the Great Hall. Leaving the moth under the armor's feet, he dashed into the Great Hall just as Dumbledore entered.

Albus looked down at the cat as he trotted up towards the table set for dinner.

"Feeling better, I'm glad to see, my friend," he called out.

Haja ignored him, and continued up to the table. Several other people who were currently in the castle came in; Hagrid, Filch, and Professor Trelawney.

Trelawney had not been there when Haja first came, so she paused when she saw him.

"A black cat is a bad omen, Headmaster," she intoned as she pointed at Haja with a shaking finger. "I foresee a year that will see us all immersed in darkness…"

Filch looked up and nodded, "That's what I'm thinkin'. Don't need no new cats around here. Mrs. Norris is enough."

Mrs. Norris was walking along beside him and Haja looked at her in time to see what looked like the orange eyes rolling skyward. She looked at Haja and gave him a cat-grin.

Haja tried to give her a cat-grin in return, but wasn't sure if he pulled it off, as she ignored him in order to go and sit in Filch's lap when he sat down in a chair.

Dumbledore simply chuckled. "The cat is named Haja, Sybil, and he is with Severus."

Snape strode into the room just then and Trelawney turned to him. "You have brought a poor omen into the castle… it bodes ill for us all…"

Draco, following Snape, spoke up, "He's already attacked me, my clothes are ruined from the holes and blood."

Snape looked down at Haja and the cat meowed_, '''He was keeping my prey from me. It's his own fault.'''_

Snape shook his head and took his seat while saying, "He's a cat, not an omen, nor an intruder. He is learning his way around the castle and I will not appreciate anyone else interfering with his wanderings."

Dumbledore chortled with amusement. "That is quite the speech from someone who is so intent on preventing nocturnal student wanderings during the school year."

Snape snapped his fingers and Dobby appeared with a small plate. He set it down beside Snape's chair and Haja knew it was his meal. He walked over to the plate and gave a head bussing to Dobby's leg in thanks. The house elf patted the cat on the head before popping out again. This time, the food was choice bites of the roast beef that everyone up above was having. Dobby had even remembered how much the human Harry loved the creamy roast gravy and he had been generous with it. Haja wished he had some of the mashed potatoes that usually went with the roast, but it looked like the meat was all he would be getting.

He meowed softly as he ate, in comment to the occasional snatches of conversation that caught his attention. Draco was still complaining about his damaged clothing, and Filch was still arguing the merits of Mrs. Norris being the only cat necessary to the castle. Trelawney was still moaning about Haja being a bad omen.

"Would you begrudge Severus the company of a familiar then?" Dumbledore directed his question to the two men. "He has not had a familiar other than his owl all these years. Does he not deserve that consideration?"

Filch and Draco didn't answer. Trelawney seemed to be murmuring more doom and destruction, and some of it was hitting a mark too close to Harry's reality.

"…He has come out of darkness and he will be fighting for his place in this world… he is… linked somehow… to the one who is to save us all, but he is—"

Dumbledore interrupted her musings as Haja raised his head in alarm at her words. Her voice wasn't in the tone of the times when she had given further prophecy about him, but she was getting awfully close to the truth of who he was.

"Sybil… let us all enjoy our meal. Haja is just a familiar. There is nothing ominous about him."

Haja finished his meal and began to rub against Snape's legs. After a few minutes, the man reached down and lifted him into his lap. Haja peered across the table at Trelawney and she gasped.

"He is marked! He is marked just like—"

"That will be enough, Sybil," Dumbledore said firmly.

Snape kept a firm hand on Haja as he tensed to jump down and run. "As you note, Sybil, the cat _is_ marked, with a blaze similar to the scar that Harry Potter bears. That should be enough, even for you, to see that he is not a solid black cat and the portent of doom you foresee."

Draco took the opportunity to add to the melee, "If he is a bad omen, it should be bad only for that scarheaded Gryffindor."

He continued to eat in silence until he noticed that everyone else had stopped eating and was staring at him. He realized his error immediately and tried to backtrack.

"It's all in good fun, you know, us calling each other names and such." He saw the hardness in the eyes of the teachers and even a bit of scorn in Filch's eyes, although that was likely due to him anticipating a round of summer punishments for the loose-lipped Slytherin.

Draco mumbled into his plate, "He calls _me_ Ferret-face…"

Snape felt the fur under his hands shift as Haja's muscles rippled in agitation. The cat let out a hissed meow and everyone turned to him. Snape settled his hand even more firmly and spoke quietly, "Haja will not attempt to use your person as a tree again, Mr. Malfoy. You, in return, will stay away from him. On the subject of your rather juvenile name-calling…" he paused for a moment. "I will not hear of it again, by any parties. It is offensive and childish."

Draco tensed his jaw, but he finally nodded that he understood. After a moment the tension at the table eased and everyone went back to eating and talking in forced lighter tones and on lighter subjects.

Haja settled into Snape's lap as the man sipped on an after dinner cup of tea. One of his hands continued to idly pet the small cat and Haja found himself relaxing into a catnap.

_**A/N:**__ Sorry for the wait, but as I've said, I am working on chapter by chapter now. This one doesn't seem quite right somehow but I need to post it and step back. Some of it was simply setting tone and developing characters a bit. Still seems lacking… more as soon as I get the next chapter done!_

_Thank you again for all the story alerts and reviews! Even though there are probably hundreds of animagus fics out there, this appears to be one that people are enjoying!_

_Tea and cookies for you all, and iced tea for all of you in hot Texas heat like I am! Nothing like Texas in August…come on September!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Haja**

Chapter 10

('''……''' = catspeak)

Haja felt the legs under him shift and he was jumping down before he was totally awake. Snape was standing and the people at dinner were all bidding each other a good night. Snape and Draco were heading back to the dungeons and Haja trotted along at Snape's heels, trying to resist the twisting robes as they danced in front of him. When they were walking down the stairs, Haja pounced on the ends of the black robes as they dragged down the steps and wound up being pulled down a few thumping steps before he jumped off. Snape turned and leveled him with a stern stare. Haja knew that meant that he was not to do that again, without Snape saying a word. He meowed a soft apology and followed the men into the Potion Master's quarters.

Draco was already speaking, "If you have a few moments, I have some questions about the readings you gave me."

"Of course, Draco. Come and sit."

Snape turned to Haja and gave him another meaningful gaze. Haja was uncertain about the meaning of that look, but he finally decided that Snape meant for him to go to his own room where he could become human again. He walked slowly to the wall where his door was hidden, eyeing Draco. When Draco looked at him, Haja twitched his tail and flattened his ears back a little, just so _this_ human would know that this cat didn't like _him_ either.

The small doorway appeared at the touch of a paw and Haja went through quickly. Behind him he heard Draco ask, "What room is that?"

Snape murmured, "A small storeroom."

"If you have an extra room, maybe I could stay here instead of the dorm…"

"No. We both need our privacy and that would put us in too close contact beyond the day hours we spend already." There was a clink of glassware. "Now what were your questions?"

The doorway sealed and disappeared and Haja could hear nothing from the room outside anymore.

Concentrating, he shifted back to human and went to take a shower. Afterwards, he sat down cross-legged on the bed and wrote in the journal. In human form he was able to see the correlation between the moth and a snitch. The cat was instinctively a hunter and the darting prey had triggered a reflexive need to track and attack. A snitch was much the same, and the chase of it had always given Harry a high that seemed beyond what his teammates felt as he played Quidditch beside them. Perhaps the feline instincts had helped Harry tune his skills even when he was new to the game. When Draco had caught the moth, Haja had been furious. His prey had been snatched away and he meant to get it back! Looking back, Harry knew he should feel bad about using his claws to climb Draco, but somehow he just couldn't force himself to. The human part of him knew that Draco resented the presence of the cat, and that Draco had captured the moth out of spite.

As he wrote and reread the journal entry, his eyes grew heavy. He didn't know if Snape planned to check up on him after Draco left, or if Draco had even left for his own rooms. He couldn't check, because a glance around the room told him that the map wasn't in here with him. Snape must still have it, then.

He thought about shifting back to Haja just to go out there and glare at the two Slytherins, but when he sat up, he realized that all the unaccustomed activity had exhausted him. Even though he was fully healed, he guessed that he had some work to do at building up his endurance. He jotted down a note to ask if it was possible that he used more energy in cat form than in human.

Laying the journal aside on the bed, he slid down under the covers. He left a candle burning, just in case Snape should come in. He ignored the little voice that said he _hoped_ that Snape would come in to check on him…

************

Nightmares woke him. He laid there, breathing fast, feeling the sweat on his skin under his pajamas. The door opened silently and he started at the sudden presence of Snape at his bedside. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, waiting for his heartrate to slow, both from the dream and the appearance of Snape.

"Nightmare?" Snape asked quietly, sitting down on the bed beside him.

Harry nodded, not looking at him.

"Do you wish to talk about it?" He conjured a glass of water and handed it to him.

Harry gulped the water gratefully, but shrugged when he handed the glass back. Snape could see the pulse in his throat slowing and Harry's breathing became calmer.

"Same old stuff, I guess."

"Considering that I don't know what the 'same old stuff' is, perhaps you could enlighten me."

Harry looked up at Snape, expecting to see a sneer along with those words, but instead saw only a shadowed concern. For a moment he stared, startled by noting that emotion. Then he shook his head slightly.

"It wasn't a vision nightmare, sir. Just the typical ones where I meet up with Voldemort in the graveyard again."

"By typical, you mean you have it often?"

Harry sighed. It seemed that Snape was determined to pull information out of him on this.

"Yeah. My mind seems to be set on having me see it all again and again in glorious Technicolor."

"Tek—what?"

Harry gave a feeble smile at Snape faltering with the muggle word. "Muggle term…means I see it in very bright and colorful terms… for as much as it can be when it was so dark there…"

" I have only Albus's version of what happened that night, and also a few comments here and there from the Death Eaters who were there."

Harry looked up at the man, struggling to make sense of a Potions Master who sat and conversed calmly with him. He decided that he liked being able to do so.

"Were you called that night?"

Snape nodded, unconsciously rubbing his left forearm. "Yes. Later, I explained that I was unable to leave in the middle of the tournament."

Harry twisted the blanket in his hands before saying quietly, "You helped subdue Crouch that night…after I got back and he took me back to the castle."

"I would have subdued him sooner, had I realized that he was not Moody. I was not privy to that information." He tilted his head, looking at the shadows under Harry's eyes. " Will you be able to sleep again now?"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe. Sometimes I just lay awake the rest of the night after one of these dreams. I keep replaying it… what if I hadn't offered to share the cup with Cedric… what if I had been faster once I realized what was happening. When I close my eyes… I see _Cedric's_ eyes… staring up at nothing." He hesitated, "Sometimes I get out the invisibility cloak and wander the castle. I have to keep moving to make the eyes go away."

He looked up at Snape through his lashes to gauge his reaction to that admission. He half expected to see derision or maybe even disgust that Harry was still so affected by the events in the graveyard.

The man stood up and held out a hand towards the open door. "Let's go have a cup of tea. I'll look at what I have on hand and see about giving you a small dose of Dreamless Sleep."

Harry climbed out of the bed and followed the Potions Master to the small kitchen off the sitting room. He waved Harry to a chair while he pointed his wand at the kettle. He pulled 2 cups from a cabinet and set them on the table, along with sugar and milk. The silence allowed Harry to take a deep breath. He thought that Snape would be asking for more details about his dream and he really didn't want to talk about it anymore. It was enough that he had no choice about the dreams and visions when they occurred. Talking about them always made him feel like a student version of Trelawney.

Snape poured the tea when it was ready, leaving room for Harry to add a generous helping of milk and sugar. He disappeared into the other room for a few moments and then returned with a small vial.

"This is a derivative of Dreamless Sleep. We'll add only a few drops to your tea before you've finished. You'll be able to sleep, but it won't cause you to sleep overly long in the morning." He placed the vial beside Harry's cup and then took his own seat.

Harry decided to voice his objections up front. "I don't want to talk about the dream anymore, sir."

Snape regarded him silently as he sipped from his own cup. After a bit, he put the cup down and leaned forward to gaze at Harry intently. He folded his hands before him as he leaned on his elbows.

"Your dreams are likely due to the trauma of the events. Have you ever spoken about what actually happened, from the beginning to the end, now that you are far enough past it to look at it calmly?"

Harry stared back at Snape for a long time, trying to see what it was the man was asking. Finally, "I don't understand, sir. What do you want me to say?"

Snape sighed heavily and picked up his cup again. ""Even though it has been a long time since the Tri-Wizard Tournament, I suspect that it still weighs heavily on you. You just shared with me some of what you see in your dreams, and I'd wager that you have never shared that with your friends, or with anyone else."

Harry looked at him and his mouth opened and closed several times before he said softly, "I told Professor Dumbledore a bit, right after Barty Crouch was kissed. He was more interested in how my wand responded to Voldemort's wand, though. I didn't tell him about much else, and he didn't ask."

Snape looked to be clenching his jaw and Harry could see the tension in the set of his mouth. He sipped his tea and then asked, "What about your friends? Did you confide the events to them?"

Harry shrugged. "Some, I guess. Ron knows I wake up a lot. He found out I was putting a silencing charm around my bed at night and he put a stop to it. I mean, he didn't stop me from doing it, he just cast his own charm so he would know if I had a nightmare. He gets up and makes sure I'm okay… he said he didn't want me to go through it alone."

Snape's estimation of Ron Weasley went up a notch at that. "And Granger?"

"Hermione thinks every solution can be found in a book. I suppose if there is one, she'll be the one to find it. She tried to get me to tell her, but I just couldn't. It all sounds so unreal when I try to tell it."

He picked up his own cup and took a tiny sip. Then a bigger one. Maybe if he got to the end of the tea and put the potion in he could get away and go to bed again. He picked up the vial to do just that and Snape's hand shot across the table to stop him. He curled his fingers around Harry's wrist and Harry looked over at him in surprise.

"I think you need to tell it. I think you need to be able to let it all out and make it a less powerful torment."

Harry tugged a little on his hand and Snape let go, sitting back again.

"If you can't say it out loud, try writing it in your journal. Tomorrow, as part of your meditation, I want you to write about the nightmares and the events that you believe cause them."

Harry took a shuddering breath. "Will you be reading it?"

"Do you think I should?"

Harry gave that little shrug that Snape was learning meant he was nervous. "You're the only one who ever really wanted to hear about it."

"What do you mean? I'm sure others have asked—"

"That's just it, Professor. They've asked, but they only wanted to know the stuff that was awful to them; the stuff about when Cedric died, when Voldemort came up out of that cauldron… no one really wanted to know what it was like to be tied to a gravestone, to see the Death Eaters come flying in and surround me… to have Voldemort locked to me by our wands—" Harry broke off, swallowing hard. He looked away from the table and struggled to get the trembling caused by the memories under control. Instead, the shaking grew even worse until his teeth were chattering.

He heard Snape murmur an _accio_ and then felt the throw from the back of the sofa being wrapped around his shoulders. Snape was silent as he refilled Harry's cup by half. He uncorked the vial and carefully added four drops to the cup before sitting back down in his own chair. Harry looked up at him and the dark eyes were gazing at him with concern.

"Harry… I believe that you must get this out in the open; whether by talking or writing it down. I was not aware of how deeply this was affecting you, but it is still causing you a great deal of pain, isn't it?"

Harry gave a jerky nod and looked down at his fingers as the clutched the throw. Snape reached over and pushed the cup closer to him. "Drink your tea." After Harry had picked up the cup, he added, "To answer your question, yes, I will be reading your journal. It's the only way for me to be able to help you."

Harry nodded and then sipped the tea until it was almost gone. The potion worked very quickly and Snape came around the table again to put a hand on his elbow when he got up. He made sure Harry made it back to his bed and then drew the blanket up over his shoulders after Harry laid down.

Harry's eyes were already closing when he felt Snape's hand brush through his hair. "Sleep well, now. We'll talk again tomorrow."

*********

When Harry awakened, he sat on the edge of the bed for several minutes, thinking about how he had told Snape things he had told no one else. Part of him was embarrassed, but part of him felt relief that someone, even Snape, was willing to hear of the darkest parts of him. He wanted to be suspicious of Snape's motives, but the man had been so uncharacteristically nice that it was hard to hang onto the doubt. Harry was fairly certain that Snape was hardly ever nice to anyone, and he certainly wouldn't ever be nice to Harry Potter if he didn't want to.

He shuffled into the bathroom to shower after seeing that it was mid-morning. Snape had said he would sleep a little later, and he really felt better for the longer rest. When he came back into the room, there was a note on the desk that he had not noticed before.

_Harry,_

_I know you may have second thoughts about journaling your memories and thoughts about your dreams._

_I also know that you will feel better after it is begun. _

_Here is a new journal for that purpose, to keep it separate from your animagus studies._

_Dobby will bring you breakfast when you call. I will be in the lab with Draco._

_SS_

Harry looked at the bound journal that the note had rested on. This one was dark green and Harry wondered if Snape was hinting at something Slytherin, or if he just chose it to distinguish it from the other..

It took him a long time to be able to decide just where to start when speaking about the dream that plagued him most. The whole year leading up to those events were a disaster and had been a great stress on him, with all the people he had thought understood believing that he had snuck his name into the Triwizard Tournament. He had been bereft of his best friend's support. Rita Skeeter had made it her personal mission to splash outrageous stories about him in The Prophet on a daily basis.

All that, leading up to the final event… the maze where he made the decision that both he and Cedric should take hold of the cup. He had thought it only fair… he wasn't even supposed to be in the tournament … he had trusted Moody, and even still he kicked himself for that grave error. If he had only been more vigilant, like the real Moody always said, he believed that he might have avoided the Gryffindor trait of bravery in the face of odds that were beyond all reasonable expectations, of trusting people at face value…

He found himself staring into space and shook himself out of the recollections to focus on the journal. He picked up the quill and began;

_The whole year was one big nightmare and there isn't any really good place to begin. I admit that this may ramble a bit, but I reckon it's my journal, so I can do that if I want to. One of the animagus books said something about freely writing whatever comes to mind for those exercises. I think I'll use that here, too…_

Harry wrote until he realized that his fingers were cramping. He uncurled them from around the quill and stretched them out. He counted the pages that he had written and was startled to find almost twenty, filled with his typical small and crowded scrawl. (Ron always tried to get him to write bigger to finish up the required inches sooner, but it always felt unnatural to do that.)

Looking up, he cast a tempus and was surprised to see that it was past lunch. His stomach was growling as he put the journal aside and swiftly shifted to Haja. He went through his door and listened for any sounds coming from Snape's quarters. All was silent so he went out the door and into the hallway to hurry up the dungeon stairs.

Focusing on his leg muscles, he leaped up the steps two and three at a time, reveling in the power he felt as he pushed off with hind legs and stretched his front legs out to grab the next step. At the top he halted and twitched his ears, listening. The sound of cutlery and conversation came from the Great Hall and he walked quickly through the open door and up to Snape's side.

Snape looked down at Haja and Haja gave a plaintive meow. A snap of Snape's fingers had Dobby appearing with a plate that was set down in front of the cat. Chicken salad on a single piece of toast was inhaled ravenously. Afterwards, Haja sat washing his face with a delicate paw as he listened to the voices flowing around him.

"…decided to postpone the trip to South America until later in the summer…"

Snape's voice washed over him and he perked up at the words. He had spent a considerable amount of time worrying about what he would do while the Potions Master was on his trip with Draco. As much as he wanted it to be different, he knew that the trip was a necessary one for gathering ingredients, and it was also very unlikely that he would be allowed to go along. He had a deep dread in the pit of his stomach over the thought of being here in the castle without Snape's presence. Why he felt that was a mystery. He recalled an unaccustomed sense of distrust when he thought of being with the Headmaster alone. Snippets of conversation flitted through his mind and he sat there staring into space as he tried to piece them together into some kind of order.

Chairs being pushed back across the floor made him jump, but the hands that were suddenly picking him up were what startled him even more. He hissed and began to struggle before the calm voice of the Headmaster whispered a spell that immobilized him.

"I believe it is past time for Haja and I to become better acquainted. Come Haja…I have some lovely treats that I think you'll enjoy. They're some of Minerva's favorite catnip biscuits." He was stroking the cat and Haja caught a quick glimpse of Snape's face as they turned to the door. He thought the man might look angry, but he couldn't tell. He tried to meow his distress and it made him even more anxious that he couldn't make a sound in addition to being unable to move.

Did Snape believe that he was quietly agreeing to this?

"Albus, Haja is still learning his way about, I'd be happy to accompany him—"

"Nonsense, Severus. We're going to be great friends, aren't we Haja? We will see you later. Have a good afternoon everyone."

The intense blue eyes pierced Snape and then turned to Minerva as well. Albus nodded at them all and then swept from the room with Haja in his arms.

Minerva and Snape were exchanging silent looks as Draco looked on with interest. The other professors, Hagrid, and Filch were unaware of the tension filling the space and they made their way to the doors bidding their own good afternoons.

Severus and Minerva were speaking behind a silencing ward, both gesturing angrily and faces red with emotion. Draco narrowed his eyes at the commotion over a stupid cat. Shaking his head he went back to the dungeons to begin the afternoon's potion work. Severus had set a strict time table so that the restocking of the Infirmary was done, as well as the brewing of a number of potions that were advanced level healing potions that would be sent on to St. Mungo's.

The slamming of the outer door of the Potion Master's quarters had him casting a stasis spell on his cauldron and coming out to the sitting room. Severus was pacing the floor in front of the fireplace, muttering curses under his breath. He stopped when he saw Draco standing there with a questioning look on his face.

"All this over a cat? Maybe you should just give the thing to the Headmaster and get yourself another one, if it means that much to you."

"Stay out of it, Draco. It is no concern of yours." Snape resumed the pacing.

"It is my concern. You are my godfather, and obviously this is upsetting you. I may not understand your sudden attachment to the cat, but I care that it has effected you like this."

Snape halted his movements again and opened his mouth to respond, only to close it again with a snap. He would not, could not, reveal his reasons to Draco at this time. Draco's allegiances were not clear, his motivations were suspect, and he had always hated Harry Potter. If he had any idea of Haja's human identity the temptation to go straight to his father might be too much to resist. He craved the elder Malfoy's attention and Snape knew that this could be a golden egg in his hands.

With a tired sigh he rubbed a hand over his face before pinching the bridge of his nose. "The Headmaster will give the cat up when it suits him. I am simply put out with his high-handedness in taking him up to his own quarters." As a lie it would have to do to appease Draco's curiosity. In reality he was very concerned about what might be happening to Haja at this very moment.

Minerva had said she would go up straight away and invite herself into the Headmasters office. It had not escaped either of them that the tiny cat had been immobilized as Albus had held him. The brief hissing struggle had ceased all too quickly and the glimpse of dilated green eyes spoke volumes for the cat's fear.

Waving a dismissive hand, Snape spoke, "Go back to the lab and complete your work. I will check the quality later. Don't forget that the Ameliorative Draught is to be kept in its most concentrated state before it can be sold to St. Mungo's."

"I have your clear instructions. You won't be disappointed."

Snape merely nodded and turned away from the blond to resume his pacing. Draco stood there for another few moments before quietly going back to the lab.

********

"Well, Harry. It's been too long since we were able to have a chat, hasn't it. You need have no fear, my boy. I'll release you from the binding spell in a moment."

Albus put the cat down on a chair and then waved his wand at the door, sealing it shut. He sat down behind his desk and conjured a tea set before waving his wand towards Haja and murmuring the counter to the spell holding him in place.

Haja leaped from the chair and raced to the door. His paws had no effect on the door and in an instant Harry was standing there and using his hands to desperately tug at the door handle.

"Let me out, please, sir." He turned to the headmaster and glared at him reproachfully.

"Now , Harry… we haven't spoken alone since you arrived. You've recovered nicely, and now it's time for us to have a long overdue conversation."

Harry walked slowly back to his chair and perched on the edge of the seat. He felt trapped, and he didn't trust the cajoling tone Albus was using. Where was Snape? Was he just going to let the headmaster do this? Was he going to come and get him?

Albus poured a cup of tea and pushed it across his desk towards Harry. Harry eyed it suspiciously and refused to reach out for it.

Albus sipped his own cup and watched Harry over his half glasses.

"You may be interested to know that both Minerva and Severus have been very protective of you since your accident."

Accident? Is that what he thought it was that Dudley and his friends had nearly killed him?

"They went to your relatives and rather rudely interrogated them about your life there. It occurs to me that there are a number of factors that could be easily misunderstood and I want to make sure that you know that I have always had your best interest in mind, Harry."

He looked at Harry expectantly and Harry realized that he wanted him to agree with what he had just said. He whispered, "I know, sir. I know that you only mean well."

That seemed to make Albus relax a bit and Harry relaxed a little bit too. He wished Snape would come and get him. He wished he was in his hidden room, curled up on his bed, or better yet, buried under the warm covers. He wished he was anywhere but here, pinned under the benevolent blue gaze.

**********

_**A/N:**__ Well hello everyone. I am so sorry for the update delay! Once the school year started again things got insane! Being a Kindergarten assistant leaves me totally drained by the end of the day, and then there's the PTA stuff, Band Booster club stuff, scout stuff, church stuff, and other mom stuff that has to be done! Needless to say, I have had few precious moments to spend on writing! Things may happen pretty slowly for awhile, so please be patient with me!_

_I usually try to give a personal response to reviewers but I haven't had time for that either. So, I'll thank each and every one of you here! Thank you for the reviews, and the story alerts. I appreciate them all more than I can say. It's the only 'payment' we fanfiction writers receive, so it means a lot!_

_Remember that I am not using a beta for this story and all mistakes are solely my own. It is all AU. I have been given the gift of several great ideas from some of my reviewers and I am looking forward to the points when I can incorporate them into the story!_

_Lastly, I hope this isn't too much of an evil cliffie…_


	11. Chapter 11

**Haja**

Chapter 11

'''……..''' = catspeak

********

Harry sat in stunned silence, only nodding and murmuring agreements when it seemed that the Headmaster was waiting for it. He tried to wrap his mind around the scope of the things he was hearing and failed miserably.

"…the moneys paid to your aunt each month was more than enough to see you receive what you needed… …very generous stipend for any clothing expenses, as well as extra for their agreement to feed and shelter you…"

The Dursley's had been paid every month for his upkeep? Why then had they always complained about his eating their food?

"…it is really unfair that you blame your clothing choices on your family. The smarter thing to do, Harry is to accept the responsibility for wearing the things you have chosen for your aunt to purchase. By the looks of it, I am certain she had quite a time using the funds provided to obtain your wardrobe…"

Why had they clothed him only in Dudley's cast-offs? Why had they been so resentful of him if they had been paid to care for him?

Harry couldn't help but hear the constant barrage of negative comments in his mind; hateful, hurtful, foully worded slurs that he had heard from his aunt, uncle and cousin for as long as he could remember. He flinched as he recalled the physical assaults he had endured as well.

"….and I really think you should be more grateful that your mother's sister raised you right alongside her own son and treated you as her own—"

"Her own _what_, sir?" Harry had finally had enough and the question burst forth before he could stop it. Albus's eyes widenened as Harry stepped forward, his hands fisted tensely at his side.

"Her own slave? Her own muggle version of a house elf? No, that would have been too good for me if that were all. How about her husband and son's personal punching bag?"

Albus stood up behind his desk and held out a placating hand. "Now Harry, it does no good to exaggerate. Just because you weren't fawned over—"

"_Fawned over_?" Harry stood up then. His anger began to boil over and he ripped his shirt over his head before baring his back to the headmaster. Never before had he exposed these scars; not even to Ron or Hermione. He had always been very careful to keep them covered in the locker room. Criss-crossed scars marred the white flesh from the base of his neck to disappear into the waistband of his jeans. Some scars were the perfect imprint of a rectangular shaped belt buckle. He whirled back to face the man and screamed, "Does that look as if I were fawned over? How about _this_?"

He held out his left hand to show his palm. Burn scars in the shape of the stove top burner showed pink and shiny in the flickering lights of the room. Harry held up his hand even more and spread his fingers. Three of the fingers had a peculiar bend to them and he shouted, "Dudley stepped on my hand last summer while I was working out in the yard. My fingers were broken and displaced, but did my loving aunt use any of the money you say she got to take me to the doctor? No! They laughed when I cried over the pain—said I was too old to be acting like a cry baby. I had to splint them as best as I could since I can't use magic there. They're crooked and stiff. I couldn't hold a wand if I had to... Good thing it wasn't my wand hand, wasn't it, _sir_?"

Albus got a stern look on his face. "Harry, you will remember to whom you are speaking. I'm sure that if your aunt knew how badly you were hurt she would have had such an injury seen to."

Harry began to laugh hysterically. Holding his arms tight around his bare stomach he fell to his knees.

"Do you really hate me too, professor? Why are you _doing_ this? Why don't you believe me?" The laughter turned swiftly to a torrent of tears that he was powerless to stop. He buried his head in his arms and wept, the betrayal of the old wizard leaving him raw and feeling as if the flay scars had been ripped open anew. "_Why_ don't you believe me?" he choked out again.

Albus was standing there, staring at the weeping boy, finally taking in the sight of a hideously emaciated teenager, riddled with scars, when Minerva came in. Her wand was drawn, as she had been forced to use her Deputy Headmistress privileges to gain access to the office. She hurried to Harry's side, throwing a disbelieving glare at Albus when he continued to stand there and do nothing.

Minerva knelt beside Harry. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Harry, transform to Haja and I will take you back to the dungeons."

The various portraits around the room were mumbling in their frames about Albus apparent loss of reasoning abilities. The old wizard looked around at them and then back at the boy and woman on his floor. Sitting down heavily he sighed.

"I- I'm sorry, Harry—"

Minerva held out her wand, pointing it at him in her anger. "_Don't_ say another word Albus. When I get Harry settled I will be back. You will be lucky if Severus doesn't incinerate you for this. You have gone too far this time. Think about that for awhile!"

She turned her attention back to Harry. "Haja…" she whispered, "be Haja for a bit and I will carry you out of here, Harry."

The weeping had ceased and Harry was motionless, face still pressed to his knees and arms around his head. The scars on his back made Minerva want to cry. How much more was there that they still hadn't learned about?

A shudder ran through the body before it was replaced by a trembling Haja. Minerva scooped him up and cradled him, drawing the ends of her robe sleeve around him. She stood up and gave Albus another outraged glare.

"I will be back. The portraits here are my witnesses, Albus. When Severus and I spoke to you before I thought you understood what it was we had found in that house. I see now that you have continued to delude yourself as to the reality of Harry's life. I know that you believe that he will be instrumental in the downfall of Voldemort… but I dared to hope that now you see just how close you are to losing him before that can happen."

Albus's face crumpled for a moment and she softened a bit. "Albus… you are my dearest friend… but in this you have been blind, and your machinations to win this war at Harry's expense have to stop now."

She turned and walked out of the office, leaving the ashamed-looking Headmaster surrounded by former Headmasters berating him loudly for his callousness and carelessness.

********

Snape was pacing his floor when Minerva knocked. He yanked the door open and Minerva handed him the cat in her arms. Haja was all stiff with tension and he clawed at the sleeve as it fell away from him. Snape drew the edges of his own robe around the cat and he calmed.

Over-head, Haja heard McGonagall murmuring about what she had witnessed and Snape's indrawn hiss of anger. The hands holding him tightened uncomfortably and he mewed. Immediately they loosened and a large hand began to slowly pet him from between his nose to sooth down his back.

McGonagall was saying something about "unseen scars" but Haja just wanted to be oblivious. He just wanted to be somewhere, be someone who didn't matter so he wouldn't be seen. He wanted invisibility.

Struggling briefly, he jumped down and ran to his door, pressing his paws on the appearing wood. As soon as it opened he dashed through and then on to the door leading to his garden. Outside he ran until he found a hiding place that felt surrounded and safe.

He must have dozed off, there under a rose bush. The sound of the magic brook, bubbling over rocks as it wound through the garden, had lulled him into enough relaxation that he was able to sleep. A different sound let him know that it was footsteps on the path that had awakened him.

He looked out through the thorny branches and saw the black boots and robes of the Potions Master.

"Haja…it's safe to come out. You can remain in your cat form, if it makes you feel better."

'''I just want to hide.'''

"I know you do. But eventually, reality must be faced by us all."

'''I always trusted him.'''

Snape didn't ask who he meant. He knew that Haja meant Dumbledore. "He has made some errors in the decisions he has made on your behalf." He was seriously understating how wrong he personally believed Albus had been, but at the moment he simply wanted Haja to know he wasn't alone.

'''Errors? Is that what you call it when…''' Haja didn't complete his sentence and it ended in a plaintive meow.

Severus sat down on the ground in front of the bush. Haja blinked in disbelief that the man would lower himself to do so.

"None of us believed anything other than you had been kept safe and comfortable until you were old enough to come to school here. Once here, you could have told someone—"

'''Told _who_ what?''' Haja spat with a hiss. '''From the moment I came here everyone treated me either as if I had been raised to know what I was, or they resented me enough for who I was to want to kill me. Who else besides Dumbledore should I have trusted? My own head of house didn't believe me about the Sorcerer's Stone. You thought that I was an attention-seeking prat with a hero complex.'''

Snape remembered how much Minerva had lamented that Potter seemed bent on finding the stone to protect it. While Harry at that time had believed that Snape was actually the one out to steal it, none of them had told him the truth as a way of dissuading him from the pursuit.

Snape sat silently for a long time, thinking and just letting Haja be. Then he said softly, "I was wrong."

The silence stretched out for another bit before the cat meowed again.

'''Ron and Hermione knew a little of it, but I never wanted them to feel bad about what they couldn't fix. The twins know, I think. They tore the bars off the windows of my room a few years ago.'''

"Bars on your windows—" Snape growled. A renewed rage at the Dursley's surfaced and he willed his voice to calmness. "When was this? Why did they not speak up about it?"

'''It was right before second year… Ron and the twins came and got me in the flying car…They told Mrs. Weasley…I think she thought they were exaggerating. They do that, sometimes.'''

Snape silently agreed. Who would have believed such a story coming from the resident pranksters?

The sounds of the brook and the breeze fluttering the leaves became the only sound as the two of them sat there. Snape waited patiently, meditating his own anger at the Headmaster away and trying not to think too hard about his own part in having made Harry miserable all these years.

The weight of the small cat settling into his lap drew him back to the present. Haja settled himself slowly, as if expecting to be expelled. He stiffened for a moment when Snape laid a light hand on his head and gave him a few strokes. The cat slowly pulled his paws underneath his body as he let himself sink into the warmth of the robe covered legs. Snape kept petting him, not speaking, letting his fingers sift gently through the fur and bring more peace to them both. The whispers of the outdoors around them helped begin healing Haja. It would be a long process, Snape was thinking, to heal both the cat and the boy.

********

Haja vaguely remembered being carried inside and laid down on his bed. A soft blanket covered him and he drifted back into a deep sleep.

Harry awoke as his human self and stared up at the pattern of sun and shadows moving across the ceiling. He could tell it was morning light and was a little distressed at having slept for many more hours than usual. He stood up and went to the windows, leaning against the cool glass and feeling the contrast of the sunlight as it shown through.

As much as he wanted to believe that the previous day had been a nightmare, he knew that it had not been. Albus Dumbledore, for reasons Harry didn't understand yet, had manipulated his life, had forced him to live with relatives who loathed him without checking to see if they were even giving him a minimum if care. One thing Harry did understand now was that the Dursley's had been receiving money for housing and caring for him; money that Harry had known nothing about; money that had never been spent on him as far as he could recall. No, the only thing that remained clear in his mind was the continuous resentment that the Dursleys had always expressed over the cost and inconvenience of taking him in. Where was that money, then? Maybe they had never received it? Maybe they didn't know of it? Maybe, if they had, they would have looked more kindly on their nephew and cousin. Yes, that must have been it…

The door opened behind him and he turned to face Snape. The man closed the door carefully behind himself and allowed Harry to see that he wasn't a threat before he stepped forward.

"I came to see if you were up to lunch in the Great Hall."

Harry looked fearful and Snape hastened to add, "After yesterday, I have no intention of allowing Albus anywhere near you. I can also guarantee that Minerva feels the same way." He waited for Harry to process that.

Harry stared at him, eyes dark with misgiving. Finally, he looked down at the pajamas that he had somehow been put into and then back up at Snape. "I- I need a shower…"

Snape nodded. "That would probably help you feel better. Will you come up then, afterwards?"

Harry took a deep breath and turned back to the window. Snape could barely hear his whispered, "I'll try…" response.

Snape knew that was the best he could hope for right now. He intended to push forward and get the harvesting trip to South America underway. Harry needed to be away from here, away from all the pain and the things that had caused such anguish.

He put a hand on Harry's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze, before leaving Harry to his thoughts.

Harry stood there, unable to make himself move for the longest time. He did not want to leave this room. He certainly did not want to go anywhere near the Headmaster. But Snape had promised… so far he had kept his word whenever he had given it.

Before he went to the shower, he took out his journal and wrote in it for a few minutes. He felt a little bit clearer when he put it away.

The shower refreshed him and he changed to Haja quickly and made his way up to the Great Hall.

At the door to the Great Hall, Mrs. Norris sat waiting. Haja sat down beside her.

'''Well, little one, you had quite a time yesterday,''' she meowed.

'''You think?''' Haja returned sarcastically.

She lifted a paw and gave him a gentle swipe. '''Manners, please. I'll be watching out for you when I can. No one will ever expect me to be more than Argus's shadow. But I'll be watching.'''

Haja peered at the orange-eyed cat. '''Why?''' he felt compelled to ask.

The cat's whiskers twitched in a cat-shrug. '''Because you're young… because you're a cat… because no one deserves to be treated like that.'''

Haja stood up and rubbed his head against her chest in a display of gratitude. Together they entered the Great Hall.

He hesitated as Mrs. Norris trotted up and sat down beside Filch. Snape's eyes were on him and he slowly walked towards the table. Beside Snape, Dumbledore sat watching him and Haja stopped. He almost fled before his eyes shifted back to Snape and he saw the reassurance there.

He carefully made his way to the table and made sure to stay on the side of Snape away from the Headmaster. Snape put a hand down and gave him a scratch behind the ears. Dobby popped up and laid a plate in front of him, one that had an assortment of bits of diced chicken, cubes of roast beef, and a small portion of tuna. Haja nosed the plate, pushing it under the table to the side of Snape's feet before he settled down to eat. He felt better and more sheltered from the Headmaster with the wood of the table and the Potions Master's body in between them.

Above him the conversation had continued as if nothing had ever been amiss, but Haja could sense some tension in the humans.

He heard Snape say, "My preparations for the harvesting trip are well underway. I will be leaving with Mr. Malfoy at the first of next week."

Poppy Pomphrey spoke up, "It has certainly been nice with you having a summer apprentice. The Infirmary stocks have never been replenished so quickly. I believe I will go on holiday as well, since everything is in order."

Hagrid spoke up, "Will ya be takin' Haja, professor? He can stay with me and Fang."

Haja heard the question and a soft meow escaped him. He moved to sit between Snape's feet.

'''Please…'''

Snape cleared his throat. "Haja will be going with us."

McGonagall leaned forward and asked, "Are you certain, Severus? Are you sure the rain forest is the right place for a domesticated cat? Think of all the wild animals that he could encounter."

"I have been there before, you realize. I am aware of the dangers."

Haja heard Draco mutter, "All this over a _cat_… I don't understand it…"

Under the table Haja felt another presence and he turned to see Mrs. Norris. She gave the smaller cat a lick on the ear. '''Just be careful, little one. Minerva is right… there are ferocious animals that would prey on the young and less experienced. I dare say you would make a tasty snack for something looking for the opportunity.'''

'''I'll be very careful, Mrs. Norris. Anything… as long as I don't have to stay here or go back to my aunt's.'''

Above their heads the conversation had turned to the more mundane workings of Hogwarts in summer, of preparations for the next term and plans for holidays before that term began. Haja and Mrs. Norris finished the meal on Haja's plate and sat cleaning their whiskers while the humans finished theirs.

When the chairs began to move back from their places and the people stood up, Haja ran to stand under Snape's robes, pressing himself against the man's legs. Without a word the man stooped down and scooped the cat into his arms, securing him against his body. Haja squeezed himself against the ribs, molding himself as closely as possible. He didn't relax until Snape entered his dungeon rooms. Snape lowered him to the ground and Haja wound himself around the man's legs, giving him the small gesture of appreciation for making sure he didn't wind up in Albus's arms again.

Draco had followed them down and he settled himself in a chair before the fire, several books in hand. Snape sat down in a chair and snapped his fingers to summon some parchment and a quill.

"So, Severus, what sort of lodgings have you secured for us? I assume that you are familiar with the best establishments, since you have done this before?"

Haja had jumped up into the chair and settled himself between the arm rest and Snape's thighs to listen to the preparation discussion. He, too, was curious about what would be happening when they went on this trip. He had never been farther from home than Hogwarts, and in Surrey he had never been farther than the zoo they had visited when he was ten.

Snape had not answered Draco and Haja looked up to see him regarding the young man with a look that was both amused and irritated. "Lodgings? I think you'll find our … accommodations … a bit more rustic than perhaps you expected."

"Oh. You mean we will be staying with friends of yours, then?" Draco asked as he flipped through several pages of a book. Haja could see that it was a book on potions botany.

Haja could feel Snape actually shake as he chuckled darkly. He gave a shiver at the sound.

"Draco, you really haven't read much of the information on the rainforests, have you? We won't be '_staying'_ with anyone. We will be residing in tents, when it's feasible, and in makeshift shelters fashioned from the native foliage when it's not."

Haja sat up, looking up into the man's amused face, even as Draco sat there gaping at Snape. Before Draco could form a response, Snape continued, "Besides, the people indigenous to the area we are headed to are not ones that make good acquaintances."

Draco squeaked, "Why not?"

"Because they have a penchant for collecting the heads of trespassers and shrinking them for trophies. And that's after they immobilize their victims with a very potent neurotoxin from the tiny Poison Arrow tree frog."

Both Haja and Draco stared at the Potions Master in shock, suddenly understanding that this would not be any ordinary trip.

********

_**A/N:**__ Sorry it's been awhile since the last post. All kinds of real life stuff kept getting in the way!_

_Yes, I know that there may not be the types of natives, plants or animals that actually live in the South American rainforest where the guys are headed. I beg your indulgence as I try to make it real, but use artistic license to fashion my story. Just enjoy it without nitpicking it apart, okay?_

_Your reviews have been awesome, and again, I apologize for not giving individual replies like I used to. Time is just not on my side these days! But know that I treasure all responses to my stories! In fact, some of you have given me a few ideas for upcoming events!_

_November is almost here and during that month I will probably not update this fic unless I absolutely can't get an idea out of my head. It's NaNoWriMo time and once again I will be attempting the 50,000 word goal! The good news for some of you is that I plan to focus the effort on Search for His Soul, and maybe even a continuation of The Portrait. Don't expect any posts to show up just yet, as the entire month is spent in shear creation, and no editing. All you other aspiring writers should give it a go. It revs up the creative juices and gets the thought processes going. Hopefully, it will get me out the stall I have been feeling coming on!_

_My best to you all, and many thanks for your reviews and alerts!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Haja**

Chapter 12

Haja looked from Snape's amused smirk to Draco's shocked face. Headhunters? Poison frogs? He waged a brief internal struggle before deciding that no matter what kind of unknown danger they'd be going into, he'd rather do that than stay here with the Headmaster. He laid a paw on Snape's leg.

'''How will this work with me being a cat and needing to be human part of the time?'''

Snape gave his head a soothing stroke while looking at Draco. Haja realized that Snape could hardly discuss that question in front of the other young man and he settled back down to listen.

Snape laid out his parchment on the coffee table and began to detail the arrangements.

"I have already packed the tools we will need as far as the actual harvesting is concerned. The vials and jars are prepared. Some of the plants will be harvested at very specific times and must be kept in the dark. Others will need to be promptly immersed in a stasis potion to preserve them.

My tent is one that I have used before and it has a small potions lab in which we will process the harvest before we pack it for the return trip."

Draco spoke up hesitantly, "We will be staying together in your tent then?"

Snape gave him another amused smirk. "I'm afraid it is only large enough for one, Draco. You will have your own tent; and as I mentioned, at times we will be staying in shelters made of the available foliage."

"But I could—"Draco started.

Snape held up a hand. "I'm afraid the wizarding space in my tent is only meant to accommodate the one person, plus the laboratory essentials. I have never felt the need to expand the resting area and it was easier to get you your own tent."

Haja figured this was how Snape was going to keep the secret that he was an animagus from Draco; by having the other young man in a separate tent. He certainly didn't envy Draco that honor. Having been warned by Mrs. Norris, and hearing about some of what they might encounter, he was glad that he would be in Snape's tent!

Draco was still looking a little green and Snape leaned forward towards him, his voice uncharacteristically soft, "Draco… I went on my first expedition when I was just a little older than you, when I first entered my own apprenticeship. Read the information I gave you and you will feel better prepared."

Draco looked at him, eyes dark grey with worry. "But the dangers there…"

Snape shrugged easily. "It's a hazard that comes with the mastery program for Potions. One cannot be proficient and a true master of the craft if you are not willing to go to the source of your rarest ingredients."

Haja meowed, "He's a coward—"

Snape pinched his ear hard and Haja flattened the ears against his head and burrowed deeper into his place. Snape laid a hand on his back, its presence heavy with warning as he continued to talk to Draco.

"Draco, I will be frank with you. You have been coddled all your life; led to believe that the world owes _you_ simply because you are a Malfoy. It does not."

Draco's face turned flush and his jaw tightened. Snape went on. "Your father has been a good friend to me. He has a head for building the Malfoy empire and it has done the family name well in that regard. You, however, do not have that shark mentality."

Draco jumped to his feet, fists curled. "I _will_ run the family business someday! Father said so!"

Snape sat back, not rising to meet the anger pouring out of the blond. "Yes… so I've heard. But allow me to finish, please." He waited until Draco got himself back under control and sat down.

"In these last six years I have seen you at both your best and your worst. Yes, you will do a passable job if you take over the reins of the Malfoy empire. But I do not believe that is where your heart lies. You are a true academic. You thirst for knowledge and the feeling that comes to you when you acquire it. You are talented in Potions, seeming to have an innate gift for the proper way of brewing. Your other professors tell me you do as well in your other subjects when you apply yourself to it."

He stroked Haja's back lightly as he spoke, "In fact, you run neck and neck with Miss Granger for being the top in your year."

Draco jumped up again. "That mudblood will never match me!"

Haja hissed at the name calling and the hand held him down when he would leap at Draco with claws unsheathed.

Snape snapped, "Oh do sit down, Draco. There's no need to get in a twist over it now. It's tiresome the way you go on about only the pure of blood having power or brains. Use that pure blood brain to do some of your own thinking for a change. Don't accept views simply because they have been handed down to you."

Draco was looking at Snape incredulously and Snape smirked in amusement. "Looking at the scores on parchment, you are ahead of Miss Granger in Potions and Transfiguration, but by a bare point. In Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Charms, and History of Magic, she is ahead."

Draco grimaced but finally sat back down with a huff. "Well what about Defense? Surely she isn't ahead of me there?"

Snape chuckled, scratching Haja behind an ear. "No, you are both tied there, but Mr. Potter has everyone beat by a wide margin."

"Oh yes…Saint Potter…" Draco spat derisively. "He might be good in class, but he couldn't fight his way out of a spider web."

The hand was heavy on Haja's back again, but the cat could not stop the throaty growl that seemed to rumble unendingly from his tensed body. Draco eyed him warily but then dismissed him as Snape spoke quietly.

"Do not underestimate Mr. Potter, Draco. That would be most unwise."

"Are you defending him?" Draco asked with the disbelief clear in his voice. "He's a half-blood idiot that everyone has raised up onto some sort of pedestal! You have to give him private tutoring, for Merlin's sake!"

Haja bunched up his muscles in preparation to attack, in spite of the hand now holding him firmly in place. He held his breath, waiting for Snape to confirm Draco's belief that all the Occlumency and Defense lessons had been the remedial tutoring that everyone believed he needed. His heart felt heavy as he waited for the words he knew Snape had to speak to keep up the cover.

"Mr. Potter is a very powerful wizard, Draco. Half-blood or otherwise, he will be a force to be reckoned with." Both Haja and Draco's eyes snapped to the Potions Masters face. Before Draco could sputter a response, Snape waved a hand and continued, "These childish comparisons do you little credit. Besides, that is not why we are sitting here. Before we were sidetracked we were discussing the harvesting expedition. Let's return to that if you please."

Draco reluctantly let the topic of Potter go and the two went back to discussing arrangements. Haja gradually relaxed against the warmth of the Potions Master, eyes closing. His mind was a whirlwind… Snape had defended him. Snape had not said anything derogatory, as Haja had expected him to. Snape had said he was powerful and that he would be a force to be reckoned with… A warmth spread through him and he vibrated with a contented purr as he curled his paws under and went to sleep.

*********

Harry was so soundly asleep that he woke up in his own bed and as a human again. The Marauders Map lay open on his desk and he glanced at it to see that Draco and Snape were together in the lab. Casting a tempus he noted that once again he had slept through the remainder of a day and then a night.

Opening his journal, he wrote about his concerns, worrying about the great deal of sleep he seemed to need lately. He tried to catch up on his animagus reading, thinking that perhaps there would be some kind of explanation there. He abandoned the chapter he was in and flipped back to the index. There was a listing for sleep disturbances and he turned to those chapters.

…_.the newly proficient animagus will find his or her transformation magic especially draining on the body. While changing from form to human and back again as often as possible in the early days is important, it also depletes reserves. The new animagus may find themselves going to sleep at inopportune times only to wake up many hours, and in some rare instances days, later…._

…_. due to the inequities in magical strength from day to day, the new animagus will want to avoid strenuous casting, or casting that may endanger others if not properly executed…._

…_. In the adult wizard or witch, the transformation magic settles in faster, since the levels of magic are stable. In the rare case that a younger wizard or witch manages the animagus transformation, the fatigue will be more pronounced, until the young one reaches their majority. Surges in magical energy, emotional upheaval, and episodes of manic energy, with alternating episodes of extreme lethargy and weakness have all been reported in the literature available…._

…_. but not enough is actually known about younger, magically immature animagus', because documentation is sporadic in families with the genetic trait. Most of these families tend to keep the abilities in their youngsters secret until they reach maturity and are required by law to register their form…_

Harry sighed with relief to find that his sleeping so much was normal. He called for Dobby and ate a sandwich with some butter beer before he showered. Transforming into Haja, he made his way to the laboratory where Snape and Draco were placing vials and short jars with lids into a crate with divided spaces.

Snape was explaining, "These are the containers that have stasis spells. Once materials are placed within and the lids secured, the spell is activated." Draco nodded and marked the crate after the top was sealed.

The crate joined the mound of other boxes and bags in the center of the floor. Draco stood with his hands on his hips, looking at the stack before he asked, "So when are you putting your own bags in? Mine are ready in my rooms."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Bags? My personal belongings are there," he said, pointing to a small duffle.

Draco's mouth dropped open. "How did you get all your clothes in _that_? Are they already shrunken for the journey?"

Snape shook his head. "That contains personal potions in case of emergencies, and one change of clothing, and a rain poncho."

"We'll be gone how long? Two weeks, and you brought one change of clothes?" Draco was gesturing a little wildly.

Snape looked at the clothes Draco wore. "Are those new?"

Draco shook his head, puzzled at the change in the direction of the conversation. Snape drew his wand and muttered a spell and followed it with a few others before he tucked the wand back in his sleeve.

Draco looked down at the change in his clothing. In the place of his black slacks and grey shirt he was now dressed in a pair of loose Khaki pants with pockets down the length of his legs and a long-sleeved khaki shirt. On his head was a hat with a brim and some sort of filmy netting rolled up around the crown of it.

"What—what _is_ this?" he shrieked as he pulled at the shirt.

"That is clothing appropriate for our destination. They are meant to repel most insects and they are now spelled to repel dirt as well. Making them water tight would make them too hot, so I will need an old robe of yours to transfigure into the rain poncho. If you bring me another old set of clothes I will fashion your extra set. That's all you will need."

"I have to change clothes at least twice a day, and my toiletry bag will be much larger than that tiny bag you're carrying."

"A toiletry bag is unnecessary as we will bathe in available water when it's safe. Soaps and shampoos would contaminate the native flora and possible make animals that drink from the water ill."

Draco stood there, hands out in a gesture that clearly said _'What the hell are you talking about?'_

Haja gave a meow that sounded almost like a laugh and Snape looked down at him with an arched brow. "When we get there I will spell Haja as well. His fur needs to be able to repel insects and it could be dangerous for him to self-clean after brushing up against some of the plants."

Draco muttered, "I don't care about the stupid cat…" then louder, "How do you expect me to be able to wear the same clothes for _two solid weeks_?"

"The same way I will; they same as I have done on every expedition; the same as any Potions Master or Apprentice who is on a serious hunt for potions ingredients in remote and dangerous locations. Clothing must be functional and that's all. Personal hygiene takes a much less important place in the scheme of things. Our priority will be to find what we are looking for, harvest it, store it, and do it without harm to ourselves or to any indigenous animals, natives or ecosystem." He paused in his speech and pierced Draco with a glare. "I expect you to grow up and behave as the man you want to be treated as."

That seemed to get through to Draco, because he stood up straighter and pressed his lips into a tight line before he gave a short nod. Turning on his heal he headed for the door and said, "I'll return in a moment with the other clothes to transfigure." Without another word he left.

Haja looked up at Snape. '''Do I need to have some old clothes transfigured for when I'm human?'''

"I have taken care of it. Merlin knows that you had clothes that were old enough. When we return we will see about getting you new clothes before the term begins."

Haja sat up taller. '''I think I have money in my Gringott's account… if it hasn't all been used…'''

"That is another issue that we will straighten out when we return. Minerva is going over the accounts we copied from your relatives. We have discussed taking it to Gringotts and speaking to the goblins on your behalf."

'''Will I go too?'''

"I have no intention of leaving you out of any more business dealings that have to do with you and your property." He walked over to the cat and stooped down. He ran a hand over the cat's head. "I know that many things have been kept from you in the past. I intend for that to stop."

Haja purred and rubbed against the hand again. '''I'm sure I don't have that much business to deal with. I guess I only have what little my parents left me and Dumbledore made it sound like that had been given out to my aunt and uncle for keeping me.'''

Snape stood up again. "I daresay you may be surprised at what you have."

Draco walked back in just then and his mouth gave a quirk. "Are you talking to that cat, Severus?"

Snape frowned for a moment and then nodded. "Yes. There is some evidence that having a pet actually helps reduce stress levels in humans. I believe that trying to teach all the dunderheads at this school , brew the potions for the infirmary, keep up with my research and brew the potions for that, as well as all the other … assignments… that I have, has entitled me to try and reduce my own stress, if such a thing is possible."

Draco looked at him and acted as if he was about to refute that, but then changed his mind at the man's scowl. Instead he stepped forward and handed Snape some clothing items. "Here is the other set of clothes and a cloak for you to transfigure. I don't suppose it will be any good when we get back?"

Snape took out his wand and began spelling the clothes. Handing them back to Draco he waved the wand again over the cloak and it was changed into a olive green poncho with a hood. He folded it into a small rectangle and then placed it into a small bag. He handed it to Draco and Draco put the other clothes in on top and pulled the drawstring tight.

Finally looking at Draco, Snape responded, "They will be perfectly good for the next expedition we undertake."

"Let's just get this one done and we can decide if I'm cut out for this after all," Draco sighed.

*********

_**Author Note:**__ Rio Negro is at the political border between Columbia and Brazil in the Amazon Basin…in line with the equator….or just a few degrees south of the equator in the Amazon Basin at the Japura River… it empties into the Amazon River (it is a place of magic!) just above sea level…in a line below the equator with the Galapagos Islands of the Pacific…_

_London time, 4 hours ahead of La Paz_

************

They left in the 'middle of the night', much to Draco's displeasure. Snape patiently explained yet another fact that Draco had not absorbed in his studies: the rest of the world was not on Britain's wizarding time. The time zones of the world made it necessary for them to portkey to their coordinates in the Amazon Basin at 5:00am in order to arrive at 9:00am Amazon time. Snape wanted to be sure that they had the maximum amount of daylight available to set up camp and make the first scouting foray into the surrounding area. It was far darker in the middle of a rainforest with the dense vegetation and they needed all the benefit of the daylight they could get.

The landing was eerily soft and Draco found himself laying in the middle of a gigantic fern, surrounded by some of the crates and bags they had been hanging on to. He managed to climb out of the damp fronds and saw Snape standing nearby, cataloguing the crates as he levitated them into a neat stack.

The silence was broken by the sudden noise of monkeys howling and birds calling. Draco jumped, his wand drawn as he crouched in attack mode. Snape glanced over at him.

"The animals were momentarily startled by our arrival. They are resuming their normal chatter."

Draco looked up into the surrounding trees, their denseness barely allowing any sunlight through. He saw colorful birds flitting from branch to branch, their hues as vibrant as that of Fawkes. He caught glimpses of other creatures, the monkeys he had read about, jumping through the air as they peered down at the new arrivals.

"Are they magical?"

"No. You will find that most of the wildlife here is bright, as well as loud. It is quite different than what you saw at home in Britain."

Levitating his tent bundle into position, he set his up and then looked at Draco. "Well? I assume that you can manage setting up your own shelter. You did study the necessary charms, did you not?"

Draco rolled his eyes and levitated his own tent bundle as close to Snape's tent as he could get it. Snape responded by levitating it a short distance away. "We need room to maneuver around the campsite. I will be setting up the outside lab between the tents so that it's sheltered somewhat on two sides."

Draco watched as Snape enlarged a wooden table and set it with a cauldron and a crate of supplies. He erected an open tent over the top and secured the stakes that held it all in place. Draco set his own tent up, taking several attempts before it was settled with the entrance facing the inside of the campground and a safe distance from the lab table.

Snape looked it over critically before nodding. "It will do. Now go inside and set up strong wards that keep out anyone but you, unless you take them in by hand."

Draco tilted his head in question and Snape continued, "We can't ward the area against intruders, as there are too many lifeforms per square meter. The easiest way is to ward your sleeping quarters."

Draco nodded and sent into his tent to perform the necessary spells. Snape went into his own tent and then reached into one of his pockets, withdrawing a sleeping Haja.

Laying him on the bottom bunk of the bed set in a corner, he waved his hand and muttered a counter spell. The cat gave a sleepy stretch before blinking open his green eyes.

'''What happened?''' he meowed softly.

"Animals do not normally take portkey travel well. I performed a mild sedation spell so that you would be unaware until now. Rest for a bit before you transform. Food and drink will be on the side table for you. There are books and your journals. Do not leave the tent until we return."

Haja curled himself back into a ball and gave an agreeable meow before dropping back to sleep. He dreamed of exotic birds calling as they flew through humid green boughs, and wild monkeys swinging on vines.

He stretched himself awake much later and lay there looking around the tent. He had been in the Weasley's tent at the International Quidditch cup, so he wasn't surprised at the size of the inside. It didn't seem as large as that one had been, and held only the necessities of a trip such as the one they were on. The bunk bed he was on was off to one corner and he made a mental note to take the top bunk next time he slept. He couldn't imagine Snape crawling up there.

There was a potions table set in the center and a few of the crates and boxes they had packed lay underneath it. A small alcove held a one-burner cook stove and a shoulder high container that he recognized as a cold storage box.

He transformed to human and saw that his clothes looked like the ones Snape had transformed for Draco. As promised, a plate of food and a flask of water stood on the table beside the bunk and he ate hungrily as he listened to the strange sounds of the outside rain forest. He wished that he could go out and explore the surroundings, but Snape had made it clear that he was not to leave the tent. Before they left, the man had explained that when he and Draco were in camp, he would let Haja out of the tent and see their surroundings. If they were going on a longer day trip, he could come out as Harry if he were careful to stay near the tents and never get out of sight of them. Snape explained that going beyond their campsite would be dangerous without him, as it was very easy to get lost in the dense foliage. He would let Harry know when they would be leaving and he would set some kind of spell that would alert him to their imminent return so that Harry could transform back into Haja.

Harry read in his school books for awhile and then spent some time writing in his journals. He was nibbling on the end of his quill, deep in thought, when an inhuman growling scream from right outside the tent froze him.

*********

_**A/N:**__ Well, here you go, and Happy Holidays to you all, dear readers! I apologize once again for the huge delay. Hopefully, when you read this, I will have managed, with all the help from everyone's replies, to post this and also get Chapter 1 back where it goes so that everything lines up correctly. If not, then I apologize for my inaptitude at computer stuff! Remember that this is a work of fiction, and as such, I use a lot of literary license to make things happen. Indulge me, please._

_It may be another while before more is posted here, as I have absolutely nothing started on the next chapter of Haja! But, as I told you before, I worked very hard on Search For His Soul for the 2009 NaNoWriMo! It is all in one document at present, and is well over 62,000 words. My goal is to finish pouring it out before going back and editing and dividing up the chapters for uploading. _

_So keep on sending me your reviews… it is the greatest gift that keeps me wanting to write more! I appreciate them so much!_

_Everyone have a blessed Christmas and a New Year filled with dreams fulfilled!_

_nnie_


	13. Chapter 13

**Haja **

Chapter 13

Harry sat there, frozen, as the sound was repeated, seeming to be right outside the doorway of the canvas tent. With a start, he realized that he understood what the growling scream was saying.

'''Magic man human ! Come out!'''

Harry blinked. Magic man human? He sat there waiting, listening to the chuffing and low growls as the large cat outside paced. It had to be a cat, right? If Harry could understand what it was saying, it must be a cat of some kind.

The growling scream sounded again and Harry shivered. It was a wild sound, rough and gutteral, one that was strong and compelling. He stood up and moved slowly to the door of the tent. Severus had said that he could not go outside. But perhaps he could still communicate with this creature.

He shifted to Haja and sat on his haunches on his side of the doorway. His meow sounded insignificant next to the power in the other cats voice. '''Hello?'''

Outside, the big cat halted its pacing and was silent for a moment. Then the cat grtowled again. '''Who are you and why are you in the magic man human's dwelling?'''

'''I am Haja,''' Harry answered hesitantly. '''Who are you? Do you mean Snape?'''

'''Magic man human… he has that name…'''

'''Are you his friend?''' Harry asked hesitantly. He knew that Snape had come here before on expeditions. Perhaps he had friends here in the rainforest.

'''We run together when he comes here. Sometimes we hunt together. It has been a long time since he came.''' There was a sort of plaintive note to the last sentence. The cat chuffed again at the doorway. '''Come out here.'''

'''I can't. Snape told me to stay here while he was gone.'''

The cat growled for a moment. Then came the screaming cry again, that Haja now recognized as the typical sound of the jungle cat's voice. '''Where is magic man human?'''

Harry was very uncertain about what to answer. If he answered that Snape was away from the campsite would the cat simply go away? Or would it try to get into the tent? He was uncertain what charms or wards Snape had put on the tent, but he surely had. Would the cat go off in search of Snape?

The cat screamed again, '''You come out. Let me see what makes such a puny sound. You sound less than what my kittens ever sounded like.'''

'''I told you… He gave me orders to stay inside.'''

The growling became more irritable, if that was possible and Haja shivered again with his own unease. He wished that Snape would return.

It seemed that someone must have heard that wish because he suddenly heard the voices of Snape and Draco, getting louder as they got closer to the camp. Draco was cursing.

"You've got to be kidding, Severus! That-- that plant, if you can even call it that-- reeked like --like-- well I bloody well don't know what it smelled like, but I'm NOT going near it again!"

"Yes, you will. The bloom will only last a few hours more. The stench is that of death. The plant uses it to attract the insects who will pollinate it. You will watch it and at the moment it begins to dissolve you will harvest it. A bubble head charm may be used in this case. The magic of the charm will not cause damage to the properties of the plant, since it is not magical itself."

"Well, thank Merlin for small miracles. I don't understand why you need it anyway. I can't imagine what it could ever be used for." Draco's voice was petulant.

There was silence for a long moment and Haja could envision Snape's less than patient glare at Draco before he murmured, "That is because there is quite a lot that you do not know about brewing potions. There are concoctions, the likes of which you have never imagined possible. Most of them are not even written down, and only passed along through the Potions Guild via pensieve to newly ordained Potions Masters."

There was another long silence before he continued his voice drawing closer to the tent as he spoke. "Never think that you are even close to knowing a fraction of this craft. I am still discovering more all the time. Until you make the satisfaction of those discoveries a priority, you will never become a Potions Master."

There was another pause before he finished, "Use the large mouthed jars to collect it. Use as many as you can. Take a cleaning cloth to wipe the edges before you seal each one. There should be no odor residue when you return. I expect at least a dozen jars, so do not think that you can get by with collecting only a few."

Snape entered the tent, closing the flaps firmly behind him. He sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand in a gesture of resignation that he had not allowed Draco to see. Then he looked over and noticed Haja.

Immediately, Haja began to meow, '''There was a big cat—she was just here a moment ago—looking for you!'''

Snape straightened up. "Just now? She was in the camp?"

'''Yes!'''

Snape cursed under his breath and exited the tent again. "Draco," he called. "I have decided to supervise this first collection attempt by you. Wait a few moments."

Haja heard Draco mutter some reply and Snape stepped back into the tent. Haja stared up at the man.

'''Is she dangerous? I only saw her shadow, but she sounded big…and angry…'''

"She is not dangerous to me. Until I have seen her, do not leave the tent.'''

'''She wanted me to come outside. I told her that you had given me orders not to.'''

Snape regarded him sharply. '''Those instructions still stand. I have not seen her in awhile and I need to make sure she is safe.'''

With that rather cryptic statement Snape left the tent and Haja heard him going over to Draco and begin helping the other young man gather what he needed for the collection. Haja sat on his haunches, considering what he had just heard.

Snape obviously knew the cat. He knew who Haja had been speaking of right away. He wasn't afraid for himself, but he seemed concerned about Draco going back into the jungle alone. He had told Haja again to stay in the tent until he returned.

The cat outside had said that she had run with Snape, that they had hunted together. How had that been possible?

The cat did not come back to prowl outside the tent. After awhile, Haja changed back to Harry and dug into the bags until he found the journals he had packed. He climbed up onto the top bunk and lay on his stomach, thinking and writing. The strange noises of the rainforest gradually ceased to distract him and he was lulled by the clicking of insects and the sounds of hooting and cawing of what he imagined were birds.

When Snape came back into the tent, Harry was asleep, his face turned to the side and laying atop the open pages of his journal. The muggle pen he had been using had fallen from his fingers.

Snape gently shook his shoulder. Harry raised bleary eyes and Snape said, "If you change back into Haja you may join us outside. Stay within the perimeter of the camp."

Eager to see the surroundings they were in, Harry did as told and the small black cat jumped lightly to the floor of the tent. Snape held the tent flap back and Haja hurried out, only to stop abruptly. He blinked in wonder at all the dark green. Looking up into the trees that spread thickly above them, he saw flitting shapes of color. His sharp vision homed in on the array of birds that seemed to fly and flit from branch to branch. He was easily able to match some of the sounds he had been hearing with the creatures who made them, while others remained a mystery for the moment.

Snape gently toed him out of the way so that he could completely walk out of the tent. Haja meowed apologetically and hurried to the table that was set up between the tents. There was a stack of boxes beside it at one end and he jumped up to the top one, sitting down in this vantage point before resuming his first look at the rainforest.

The butterflies were almost his undoing. The brilliantly colored insects floated tantalizingly close to him as they made their lazy way through the camp. A particularly vivid yellow and black one lighted on the edge of the box where Haja was sitting. The wings fluttered slowly open and closed as it rested. Large green spots mimicked eyes when the wings were extended. It did not serve as a deterrent to Haja and he leaped at it. The ill-conceived jump only caused him to tumble off the end of the boxes and to the ground, where he righted himself to the sound of Draco laughing. He shook himself and leaped back up to the top of the boxes, casting a baleful glare at Draco.

Draco had removed his bubble head charm and he was packing the collected jars into a padded box. Haja walked over the boxes and then the table to get closer. He wanted a look at this plant that Draco had not wanted to collect but that Snape had said was valuable.

He craned his neck to get a better look, his nose twitching. He could catch a whiff of the odor that had made Draco so opposed to getting near the plant and he agreed that what little he could smell was pretty nasty. But the cat in him also thought it was an attractive odor… He was closer and had rubbed his head on the jar in Draco's hand before he realized what he was doing.

Draco started at the cat's touch and dropped the jar. The lid flew off and the air was filled with the foul odor. With a hiss Haja had leaped back, fur raised in protest and spitting from the odor that seemed to cling to the roof of his mouth when he inhaled.

Draco was running for the edge of the camp, retching, trying to get his wand from his pocket.

Snape was already waving his own wand before Draco could get himself under enough control, casting Bubble Head charms on the two of them.

Haja ran to the tent and pushed his way inside. Once there he changed into Harry and cast the Bubble Head charm on himself. Breathing deeply, he tried to get himself under control. If he retched and vomited inside the bubble he would have to cancel the charm and then he would have to smell the horrendous odor again.

Now he had some sympathy for Draco, understanding why he had been protesting so strongly.

Outside the tent he heard Snape's muffled voice trying to further calm Draco as he vanished the spilled plant material. "Draco, be careful where you are leaning. Don't turn the whole crate over. Secure the lid and I will get you a stomach calming draught."

His voice suddenly sounded clearer and Harry knew that he had canceled his own Bubble Head charm."Draco, it's safe to remove the charm now."

Draco was cursing again, this time his target was 'that mangy cat'. "He's a menace, Severus! We could have suffocated with the odor when he broke the jar!"

"We would have done no such thing. The plant is not toxic in itself. The smell is like any other blooming flower, a way of attracting insects to cross-pollinate it."

"Well it's certainly not like any flower I've ever smelled before, and I hope to never smell it again! That is _disgusting_!" His own bubble had been removed and his voice was ringing loud and clear.

Snape headed back to his tent, speaking over his shoulder, "If you had done the readings I assigned you would have known to expect it. The Rafflesia is one of the plants that is only found here and only blooms for a few hours before dying. The unique odor is its trademark and must be tolerated if you are to be a successful—"

"I know, I know! I got it alright? I have to do the disgusting stuff in order to get to the good stuff…" There was more mumbling, several more curses that Harry barely heard before Snape closed the tent flap behind him and cast a privacy spell.

Snape looked at Harry and took a long-suffering breath. "You will have to be more careful where you poke your nose. That could have been a single jar of the most rare ingredient we are after."

Harry blurted, "I thought that one was rare. You said—"

"I know what you heard me say. Fortunately, we harvested much more than I expected, so the loss of one jar does not hurt so much."

Harry sighed with relief. He had been afraid that Snape would be very angry with him for causing the jar to be dropped and broken. He looked up at Snape and whispered, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be more careful."

Snape dropped a hand onto Harry's head and gave it a quick rub. "No harm was done this time. Just be more careful and aware when the curiosity of Haja is piqued."

And that was the end of it. Harry could hardly believe it. The Snape he had known in class would have ripped him up one side and down the other for such an infraction.

Harry wanted to go back outside, but he waited until he heard Draco's voice talking to Snape and it sounded as if he was calmer. He knew that Draco was angry with Haja and he really couldn't blame him for it.

He shifted and went out cautiously. Snape was preparing supper in a tabletop cooking cauldron. At least that's what it smelled like. It was definitely a better smell than before.

Haja stayed away from where Draco was working, keeping himself to a small area right outside the tent. He began to look all around again, his sharp eyes seeing the colorful birds, and tracking the swing of the noisy monkeys. There was so much to see that he had to work hard with the human side of his brain to stay focused on seeing it and not trying to attack the attractively moving things. He was looking raptly at a group of butterflies when his eyes caught something else. Gold yes peered out at them from the dense foliage.

Haja tensed as he made out the dark body of the large cat as it blended into the shadows of dense foliage. A low growl came up his throat, part one of fear and partly a warning to Snape.

Snape was there immediately and scooped him up into his arms as he stared to where Haja was looking.

Snape stroked him as he spoke. It's a jaguar. They are sometimes found in the rainforest. She is curious about us, what we are doing. She likely does not see humans very often if at all."

Draco had moved up beside them. "Jaguar? What's that?"

Snape sneered at the blond. "Did you read _anything_ that I assigned? There was an entire paper devoted to the lifeforms that you could expect to see here. It would have been nice if you had troubled yourself to find out which ones would put you on their prey list."

Draco went pale. "Has it come to attack us, then?"

Snape shook his head. "No. As I said, she is merely curious about us."

"Then we aren't being scouted as her next meal…" Draco sighed in relief.

"Not at this time, at any rate. However, there are other things that you should be worrying about running into. After we eat, you will ward yourself into your tent and read the material I gave you. This time I want it done correctly. Your parents will not take kindly to me allowing you to get yourself killed here."

Haja meowed a cat-like snort of amusement. But his green eyes had not left the gold ones. Between one blink and another they were gone and Haja rubbed his head against the hand on him.

'''Where did she go?'''

Snape answered, "She has not gone far I am sure."

He put Haja back down and dished out the dinner he had prepared. Draco looked at it, frowning, but at Snape's deeper frown he began to eat.

Over dinner, Snape outlines the plans for the following day. There were several insects and arachnids that he had already seen nearby. Draco was to read the information and descriptions of them so that he could collect them. Most of them would be placed in stasis jars and taken back whole. A few of them would require field dressing, as Snape called it. Haja gave his snorting meow again at the face Draco made when he heard that he would be collecting slug caterpillars and removing their spines. The spines stung like nettles if they touched the skin, so Snape had handed Draco a pair of gloves that fit like a second skin. They were impervious to the spines and would offer protection against them.

It got dark quickly on the forest floor and Snape was soon lighting a muggle lantern.

Draco asked, "Why not fairy lights?"

Snape shook his head. "This works as well. Take this one and go into your tent and read until bedtime. We get an early start."

He conjured another lantern and beckoned to Haja. "Come Haja. Into the tent you go."

Haja walked reluctantly to the tent, not wanting to leave his spot where he was still watching everything around them.

Snape followed him in after giving Draco a last warning about wardings and reading.

Once he had jumped up onto the top bunk again, Haja transformed into Harry. "Are you going out there tonight? The cat said you ran together, that sometimes you hunted together. How—"

"Yes," Snape interrupted. "I will meet with her. You will stay inside. If it is safe, I will be back quickly."

"But what—"

"Not now." Snape stopped and looked at him before continuing. "You saw plenty of new things today with your feline eyes. Why don't you write about it and then rest some more. Tomorrow, I may allow you out while we are harvesting."

Harry looked at the straight back that was now turned to him and he knew better than to try and ask more questions. Opening his journal, he slowly began writing about the days' events. Snape was correct. There was plenty to think about and write about in his journal.

Awhile later, Snape had gotten up from his chair where he had been reading. He opened the tent doorway and looked towards Draco's tent. Then he pulled his head back inside.

"I am going now. Draco is asleep. I trust that you will stay inside, no matter what you hear."

Harry nodded. He strained to listen as Snape walked away from the tent, but suddenly all the noise from outside was muffled. Snape had cast a spell to keep him from hearing what was going on. That only made Harry more curious and he jumped off the bunk to get closer to the canvas wall of the tent.

After keeping his ear pressed against the canvas for a long time he sighed and gave up. He wasn't going to be able to hear anything that Snape didn't want his to. He had to wonder just what it was that Snape was hiding though. What if the big cat was not friendly to Snape? What if she injured him and Harry would have no way of knowing that he needed help?

He laid back down on his bunk but was unable to sleep for worrying. It seemed like it had been hours before the tent flap opened and Snape stepped back inside.

He looked surprised that Harry was still awake and he said, "Tomorrow, you will be learning to hunt. Go to sleep now. I will explain it in the morning."

_A/N: I am so sorry that it has been such a long time since the last post. This was a challenging chapter to start with and RL kept getting in the way of getting it done! I am still not entirely happy with it, but at least it gets rid of the unintentional cliff hanger from Ch. 12!_

_Once again, I hope that you will grant me leniency in placing the plants and animals that show up in this rainforest. Fiction…remember?_

_Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or put this on story alert. It means so much to me. I wish I had the time to respond individually like I used to do. Just know that I appreciate your readership very much!_


	14. Chapter 14

**Haja**

Chapter 14

Harry awakened to the smells of breakfast cooking outside. He got up and transformed before cautiously nosing his way out of the tent. Snape was stirring something in a shallow pan and Haja trotted over to him, rubbing his side against the tall man's leg.

"Patience. " He glanced over at the other tent and said softly, "She will be here after we leave. You are to go with her and follow her instructions."

Haja leaped jumped onto the table and gave a plaintive meow. '''What? Go with her? She's a wild animal! I'm not, in case you haven't noticed!'''

"She will teach you many things that I cannot. Her perspective, her experience, her 'wildness', they all give her many things to offer you." He looked over at the other tent again and waved his hand in a gesture Haja knew to be a muffling spell. "Your animagus form is a good one, but you can make it even better than the instincts that would occur in a domesticated cat. She can teach you in a few days what it might take you years to learn, if at all."

Snape dished out a portion of the fry up onto a small plate and set it in front of Haja. Haja ate quickly, feeling an excitement and an anticipation that overshadowed his doubts about going off with a wild animal willingly. If Snape had wanted to kill him, wouldn't he have had plenty of chances before now?

He licked his whiskers and gave a paw a few swipes of his tongue to finish getting the bits of egg that had clung to the sides of his muzzle.

'''What is her name? What should I call her?''' he meowed.

''She is just 'she'. At first I gave her a name, but it does not translate to her. She did not understand the need for one for herself."

'''She has a name for you… she called you 'magic man human'.'''

"While she does not see the need to name herself, she does need to call us something, to give her a point of reference. Her name for me is purely descriptive, do you see that?"

'''Have you learned from her, like I will be doing?''' Haja peered up at the Potions Master with his head tilted a little to the side. His tail swished nervously.

Snape peered back at the black cat. To reveal his secret could be a reckless move, but he saw that Haja needed reassurance. "She has been a companion when I am here in the rainforest. She helped me find some of the botanicals I was searching for. Her presence has deterred other animals from interfering and her hearing has helped me avoid the natives when they have come around."

Haja's tail twitched and he curled his feet underneath as he laid down. "'Do you think we will run into any of those animals or people?'''

Snape nodded. "It is likely."' At the nervous flick of an ear he hastened to add, "It will be useful in your training. Remember, you may be using your animagus form as a weapon. Training in this form will translate to your human form, if you apply the principles and the maneuvers you learn."

Haja now looked settled back onto the bed and Snape gave him a stroke over his head. "Now, after we are gone, She will come to the campsite and fetch you. Go with her. Listen carefully. Observe your surroundings and let the feline instincts help guide your responses. You are a domesticated feline, but with her help you should be able to tap into the wilder, instinctual side." He gave a smirk. "See if you can manage to apply yourself to your studies better than you do in your human form."

Haja sat up straight and his tail swished in a rapid, irritated response to the jibe. "'Cats are in the lion family. I'm still a Gryffindor in this form."'

"That's what I'm afraid of." Snape remarked with a raised eyebrow. He turned before Haja could respond to that and gathered a satchel he had already packed, throwing the strap over his shoulder. "We will be gone all day. Do not be alarmed if you return before we do."

With that he turned and exited the tent, leaving Haja to contemplate the day ahead.

It wasn't long after Snape and Draco disappeared into the forest that Haja heard the screaming roar that announced the large cat was here. She padded into the campsite, looking at Haja with large intelligent golden eyes.

'''Magic man human has gone?'''

Haja responded, '''Yes. They are gone for now.'''

She sat there, appraising him, tail swishing slightly, before she growled, '''Come then. Follow me as closely as you can. I will be moving quickly. If I should stop, you are to stay behind me and be quiet. You will be merely observing for now.'''

Haja hurried to follow as she slid into the shadows of the foliage. Her pace was not a hurried one for her, but for Haja's smaller body it was quite brisk. He struggled to stay caught up and there were a few times that he had to call out, asking her to wait. She would sit down and he would catch up with her, noting the irritated twitch of an ear before she turned to continue the run through the humid green.

The birds and monkeys seemed to take no notice of them, their shrieks and calls remaining loud around and above them. They traveled on and on until Haja had to simply stop and pant in fatigue. She came back and sat down next to him, regarding him closely. Her nose came close to him and Haja flinched as she sniffed and then gave a swipe of her rough tongue to his ear.

'''Magic man human said that you would be slow to start, but he did not say you would be weak. I smell injuries on you that came from humans. Who did this to you?'''

Haja flicked his tail and settled down to use the rest time She was allowing. '''My human family… they are cruel. My cousin does not like cats.'''

'''I would gut him if I came across him.'''

Haja looked up at her in surprise. '''Why would you do that? You don't know me yet.'''

'''Your injuries were not the kind that a human could accidently cause. I can tell that they were deliberately done. I would do no less to anything that hurt my own cub. You are magic man human's cub.'''

Haja startled. '''His cub?'''

'''Yes.''' She gave him an impatient prod with a paw that dwarfed him. He rolled sideways from the force and she growled softly. '''You need to eat more meat to strengthen you. Stay here.''' She pushed him further into the shadows of the fern that he was laying beside.

Before Haja could respond She was gone, melting silently into the shadows of the rainforest. He laid there, listening to the sounds around him, watching what he could see from his hiding place. He was as alone as he had ever been and in a place that was as foreign as if he was on another planet. What if She didn't come back? What if she had abandoned him? Even if he returned to human form he knew that they had traveled far from the campsite. He had no idea of coordinates to focus an apparition on. He trembled and scooted further back under the fern. Closing his eyes he focused on calming himself. Panic would not help him in either form.

He gradually relaxed and just listened to the sounds, trying to separate them and attach them to the different animals he had seen. When they became suddenly silent his eyes opened wide and the slitted pupils dilated. Muscles bunched as he prepared to flee from whatever unknown danger had silenced the other animals.

The monkeys began their chattering again and Haja relaxed a little. Just then there was a muffled thump in front of him that had him hissing. The bloody body of some kind of small animal lay on the ground outside the shelter of the fern. Then gold eyes were peering through the foliage at him.

'''Come out cub. Come out and eat.'''

Haja crept warily out of the leaves, eying the dead animal. As a human, he would have guessed it to be a rat, but it was as big as he was and the tail was short. She laid a heavy paw on the head and quickly bit into the body, tearing a strip of fur off and baring the raw meat.

Haja expected to feel nauseated, but the enticing smell of the fresh meat negated that and he inched closer with a low meow. She licked the meat with closed eyes and Haja heard a contented purr rumble up. Opening her eyes she called to him.

'''Come. Eat. It is not much for me, but it will be enough for you. It will give you strength to continue our lesson.'''

Haja came forward and tentatively gave the meat a lick of his own. The taste was heavenly! He bit into it and worked out getting the meat he wanted without the bones getting in the way. She laid down nearby and watched him. When he was full and trying to clean the blood off his paws and muzzle she came closer and gave him a few swipes of her own tongue. Afterwards, she turned to the leftover animal and Haja watched as she finished it off completely and quickly.

Once done, She turned to him and with a flick of her tail she growled, '''Let's move! Follow me closely!'''

Haja sprinted after the large jungle cat, running through vines and over fallen tree trunks, climbing as high up into the trees as she led him, only to slowly clamber down on trembling legs when she led him back to the ground. She showed him how to remain still and wait when the flittering butterfly tempted him to jump into the air after it. She taught him that the reward was surer and sweeter for the waiting.

Haja was sure it must have been hours later when he finally collapsed at the base of a tree.

'''I can't do anymore.'''

She sat down beside him and licked the top of his head gently. '''You have done well, cub. Better in fact than I expected, but magic man human said that you were determined.'''

Haja lifted his head. '''He said that about me?'''

'''Yes. He said you had a brave heart, like a lion.''' She hissed in aggravation. '''Lions are lazy creatures… you are like the jaguar, cunning, silent as the shadows, deadly.'''

Haja narrowed his eyes at the slur on the symbol of Gryffindor and then decided that perhaps he could be both, although She's definition of the jaguar sounded more like Slytherin. He rolled over and peered up through the tree above him, watching the movement of the inhabitants.

After a few minutes his eyes began to close and She reached over and swatted him gently. '''Do not sleep now. We are not far from your camp. Get up and move.'''

Haja reluctantly stood up and followed her as she melted back into the dark undergrowth. He was beginning to think that her definition of 'not far' was quite different from his own when they broke through the trees to the clearing where the tents stood. He started into the site and She cuffed him, knocking him to the ground.

'''Never move into the open until you have watched.'''

He sat back up and shook his head and watched her as she crouched there and slowly perused the area, her eyes scanning across the space and above it, her ears twitching in different directions as she listened. He followed her example and suddenly heard the voices of Snape and Draco coming from the opposite direction. He turned to speak to She but she had vanished into the undergrowth again. He peered intently, trying to see where she had gone, but it was as if she had never been there.

He scampered over to the tent and slid inside just as the Snape and Draco came into the campsite. He wanted to wait until Snape came into the tent and tell him about the day he had had, but almost as soon as his feet hit the bunk bed he had curled up and was asleep.

When he awoke it was dark outside, and Snape had lit a lantern for him. It sat beside a plate of the food he had prepared. Instead of going out after he ate, Harry decided to write about what had happened that day, while it was fresh in his mind. He noticed that his hip and shoulder muscles were beginning to stiffen and he wondered if it was from all the climbing as a cat that he had done. With a sigh he thought that tomorrow would be difficult if he got very sore.

Later, Snape came inside and nodded when he saw what Harry was doing. Harry felt a sense of pride that Snape approved and he gave a small smile.

Snape tilted his head in question when he noticed harry wince when he shifted in his seat. "Were you injured today?"

"No. But She had me climbing up and down trees and running everywhere. My shoulders and hips are getting sore. Do you think it will be worse tomorrow?"

"This kind of stiffness usually is. I'll give you a draught for the discomfort. Did you have enough to eat? That kind of exercise needs plenty of nutrients to fuel it."

"Yes. She brought me some meat to eat. Then I ate here, so I'm fine." He looked at Severus earnestly. "Shouldn't I be grossed out about eating raw meat like that? I feel like I should, now that I'm back in human form. But I remember it tasting so good when I was a cat."

Snape sat down in another chair and leaned towards Harry. "You are learning to reconcile the different thought processes of your animagus and your human mind. It is normal to feel the pull in the differences and feel upset by things like what your animagus may choose to eat. The journaling that you are doing will help you settle that within yourself sooner."

Harry nodded. "Is She coming again tomorrow?"

Snape nodded. "She will continue your training for as long as we are here. She is willing and the training is something that would not otherwise be possible, remember."

Harry nodded again before returning to his writing. Snape stood up and couldn't resist ruffling the hair of the young man before he left the tent again. Harry stared after him, once again put off balance by the gesture that was so unlike the Professor he thought he knew.

_**A/N**__: I am incredibly sorry about the long delay in posting this chapter! Thank you for your patience! Real life just kind of takes precedence sometimes, even when we wish otherwise. Anyway, I am trying to grab a few moments to update this and hopefully, Into The Lightning, this weekend. _

_Remember that this is all AU, and it is fiction, and it is done as an unpaid hobby. Any references to animals or plants that don't make sense… just go with it, okay? Enjoy it as a work of fiction where anything is possible!_

_FYI: __The small mammal that She supplied for Haja was an Agouti. It is a rodent that can live in many areas, including the rainforest. It's like a large rat with a short tail!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Haja**

Chapter 15

**A/N:**Brief language explanation: "…"= human, '''…'''= cat, _'sss'= snake_

Harry awakened feeling stiff and sore as expected, but was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not as pronounced when he shifted into his cat form. He stretched and yawned and then nosed his way out of the tent. Severus and Draco were just finishing breakfast and Haja meowed gratefully when Severus put a plate of scrambled eggs mixed with chopped ham down in front of him. When Draco disappeared into his tent Severus took the opportunity to speak.

"We will be gone all day again. We have to hike deeper into the forest to get the next ingredients I'm after. It may well be dark when we return."

'''Dark? Won't that be dangerous? What if you get lost?'''

Severus gave him a sneer. "Lost? I am not some amateur botanist on a lark, you realize-"

"Talking to the cat, Severus? That really doesn't make me feel confident in your mental health." Draco had come out of the tent and was frowning at Severus.

Severus heaved a deep breath and retorted, "One has conversations with who one wishes. Haja _is_ my familiar."

"He's a _cat_." Draco returned, his voice one of annoyance. Haja could tell he was not undertaking this hike with the best of feelings. Severus glowered and did not rise to the bait. He merely gave Haja an intense look before shouldering his own backpack and leaving Draco to follow him.

Draco looked at Haja. "Try not to get eaten by anything while we're gone, furball."

Haja hissed at the blonds disappearing back.

Within seconds of the other two leaving, She had stalked quietly up behind Haja. Haja gave a startled meow as he leapt into the air when he became aware that She was there.

'''You should always expect the unexpected,''' She growled. '''There are many dangers here. You should never stop knowing what is all around you.'''

Haja meowed, '''Constant vigilance.'''

She shook her head. '''I do not understand those human words.'''

'''It means the same as what you were warning me of. As a human I have been told the same as what you are saying.'''

'''Then why are you so slow to learn it as Haja?''' She asked.

Haja shrunk a little as he sat before the large black cat. '''I am trying.'''

She shook her head and reached out a paw to tap Haja gently. '''I know that. You are still a kitten to me. It is just that danger does not give another chance. It will kill you the first time if you do not see it.'''

Haja hesitantly stood and rubbed his head against her chest. She gave him a quick swipe of a rough tongue before walking quickly out of the camp, Haja following.

The day was spent climbing and observing, learning to watch and not pounce when things moved in interesting ways. She had Haja hunting his own meal at mid-day and Haja felt a sense of accomplishment when he shared the acouti that he had caught and killed on his own. The idea of eating fresh raw meat was easier in his mind this time.

As they lay there in their sheltered eating spot, She talked with him about better technique. '''You should always go for the neck or the throat. If you try to capture prey by the tail, they can turn and bite you with their teeth. Even small wounds in the jungle can be deadly to you. Small teeth can tear, and their mouths can carry things that paralyze or poison. You should not hesitate in whatever you do as an attack, whether it is food or an enemy. Sometimes the enemy is stronger than you think, so you should use your strength right away, before they can get you.'''

'''But what if I don't want to kill them?'''

She swished her tail in agitation. '''Why would you not? An enemy can come back and attack you, killing you. Why would you not kill them first?'''

Haja tried to think of a way to explain so She could understand. '''As a human, one can kill in self-defense, if the enemy attacks first. But as a human, you cannot just kill because you want to. The other human has a right to be captured and to explain why they are acting as an enemy.''' He knew he wasn't explaining it well when She laid a heavy paw across his neck and pushed him down to growl in his ear.

'''Humans make no sense. An enemy is always an enemy and a wounded enemy is more dangerous. If they have hurt you before, then they should be killed before they can hurt you again.'''

Haja struggled out from under the paw. '''I understand why you say that. I am just trying to explain why humans don't do that.'''

She glared out into the jungle growth for several minutes before asking, '''Would your human enemy give you that same chance? It sounds like you would give them the chance to hurt you, maybe play with you like an animal with a full belly who does not really need more to eat but enjoys letting its prey try to escape before finally ending its life.'''

Haja thought about that as he lay there with his own full belly, watching the butterfly and a few dragonflies flit about. He curbed the urge to leap up and catch them, knowing that this was what She was talking about. He wanted to play with those things that were moving so enticingly. He did not want them for food, but the desire for sport was strong. Closing his eyes, he thought of Dudley and how he and his friends had toyed with him, knowing that they would kill him in the end, but drawing it out for their own entertainment. They had enjoyed torturing him. He could not stop the feeling of nausea that rose up at the remembered sensation of helplessness at being thrown through the air, water closing over his head, the smell of muddy pond water in his nose…

He had not realized that he had made sounds of distress until he felt She curl around him. She gave his head a few comforting strokes with her tongue and growled softly. '''Rest my little one. You will keep learning and when the time comes I know that you will do what you must.'''

Haja settled close in beside her and let himself drift into a sleep that felt protected and safe.

It was almost dark when She brought Haja back to the camp. The afternoon had been spent with more climbing and learning to watch. She had let Haja hunt again before they returned and Haja had earned proud purring from her when he caught the acouti by the back of the neck and snapped it efficiently.

Haja remembered that She had said never to enter the open space of the camp before watching quietly. It was while they were doing this that Haja heard an unfamiliar voice.

'_Man s__smell… invaders…'_

Beside him, She tensed and then growled softly, '''Move away quietly and quickly, little one.'''

'''What is it-'''

'''No questions!''' She spat. Instead of waiting for him to follow She grabbed him by the scruff of the neck with her mouth and moved back the way they had come. She climbed high into a tree before she set Haja down between her front paws to keep him from falling. He got a foothold and turned to look back down at the camp below.

A great snake was winding its way slowly through the campsite, tongue flicking rapidly as it explored the crates stacked on and around the table.

'_Not prey…'_ was said as it circled the plant-packed objects. It moved on to the tents and the ground in front of Draco's. The tongue flicked as it rose up, sensing the canvas around the doorway_. 'Prey wass here… man prey…'_

Haja meowed to She, '''Will the branch hold me if I turn back to human?'''

'''Why would you do that?'''

'''As a human I can speak to the snake, ask it to go away.'''

She's tail switched in agitation, her dilated eyes not leaving the snake below. '''We cannot fight this enemy. It looks slow, but it is not slow when it attacks. It has teeth and it wraps itself around you so that you cannot move. You cannot breathe. It swallows you whole. You die.'''

'''It's talking about making Draco its prey. We have to make it go away. I can tell it to go away'''

'''Magic Man Human does not speak to serpents.'''

'''No, he can't. But I can. Let me try.'''

They watched the snake as it continued to move on to Severus's tent. _'Big man prey…'_

Haja meowed in distress, '''Now it speaks of making Severus its prey too!'''

She growled deeply. '''I do not like you to speak to the serpent, but I do not want it to be here when Magic Man Human returns.'''

Haja carefully moved out from between She's paws before transforming. Harry grabbed hold of the branch as his center of balance shifted and the branch swayed with their combined weight. She backed closer to the trunk to give him room. Harry looked at her with human eyes and could appreciate her sleekness and the shiny black fur. He took a moment to reach out and run his fingers over her head and scratch her behind her ears. She pushed his hand away with a growl.

'''You still too easily distracted.'''

Harry brought his attention back to the snake below. Seen with human eyes it was big, but certainly not as big as the basilisk from his second year. Harry knew that great strength and power lay in the snake's muscles and recognized it as an anaconda. He remembered from his past research on snakes that anaconda's were the largest non-magical snakes, in the constrictor family. They had been known to kill livestock and unwary humans that were in its territory.

When he acted like he was about to climb down the tree, She grabbed him painfully by the foot. Harry winced but kept his attention on the snake and remained where he was.

He called down in parseltongue, _'Why do you come to this nest? Leave us.'_

The anaconda stopped all motion except for the tongue that was flicking even more rapidly. Then the great head slowly searched the area before replying, _'Show yourself to me. Whose nest is this? This is my territory, my nest place.'_

'_We are only visiting. We do not threaten your nest.'_

'_My prey has been taken. I have ssmelled its blood leading to here.'_

'_The acouti? It is small… too small for you.'_

'_But not too ssmall for my nestlings.'_

Harry looked back at She. "The snake says that the acouti we have killed belong to her young." For a moment he thought that She did not understand him in his human form, but She replied.

'''We will not take more. We will move further away to hunt next time.'''

Harry was surprised that She seemed to give in so quickly and She continued, '''The serpent will hunt my young when I next have them. It will come to them and take them.''' Harry understood. The anaconda would remember and might decide that her small kittens would be repayment for what they had hunted.

He turned back to the anaconda and was alarmed to find that it had raised itself up as high as the muscular body would support. She growled, '''It can not climb further. It stays on the ground and in the water.'''

Now that the anaconda had located their position it slowly lowered itself back to the ground under their tree while watching them. Harry spoke, _'We are sorry for taking your food. We will hunt further away next time.'_

'_I do not often have man prey… it is good…_' the snake hissed.

Harry hissed back_, 'No! We are not your prey! We will not be here very long and the men you smell are only taking plants from here.'_

The anaconda coiled tightly and swiveled its head as the new sound of voices could be heard. Severus and Draco were returning. Harry tried again to start getting out of the tree and She bit him on the leg, this time holding on as she growled through her teeth, '''You must not go to the ground! The serpent is not as slow as it appears.'''

"Severus and Draco are coming back! We have to warn them!" Harry said ungently.

'''Stay here! Do not leave the tree!''' She let go of his leg to growl. Then She was climbing down the tree. It was now quite dark and Harry could not see her as she disappeared into the foliage. He looked back at the snake and his alarm grew as he saw it easily blending into the surroundings.

'_Go away from this place,'_ Harry urged_. 'Do not attack. They are my…nest mates.'_

The anaconda lifted its head to peer up at him. _'You took my younglings' prey… I will take one of the man prey…'_

'_No!'_

If a snake could laugh, this one did, as it retorted, _'I do not listen to strange man-snakes. I take what I wish.'_

Harry heard Severus as they entered the site, "Put the purple vials in the stasis crate, the yellow ones can be packed into the cooling crate. I need to put these on to simmer and reduce before packing."

Draco made an agreeable noise before Harry heard him mutter, "I wish I could have a proper shower or bath. I feel disgustingly filthy."

The anaconda hissed quietly, _'Man prey… ssmells ripe and meaty…'_

She gave one of her screaming roars from the area out beyond the camp. '''Magic Man Human! Killing snake is in your nest! Get away!'''

Severus halted and immediately had his wand in his hand, the tip lit with a bright Lumos. Draco jumped at the sudden light. "Draco! Get back!"

"What is it?"

And then it was too late. The anaconda had quickly twisted itself around the blond when Draco had stepped near his tent. Harry was out of the tree and yelling an "Accio Harry's wand!" towards his tent before Severus could make a move.

The anaconda was much bigger when looking at it from ground level. Severus and Harry stood looking at each other across the mound of coiled muscle. She leaped out of the jungle growth and onto the snake, her jaws sinking into one of the coils. The snake struck at her and narrowly missed as She let go and jumped back to stand at Severus's side. The two of them looked poised to attack, teeth bared, arms and legs in crouched and ready positions. Severus's wand was trained on the snake.

Harry used his wand to light the camp lanterns and the scene was thrown into a yellowish glare of light. Draco was gazing at Harry with shocked eyes, but he was already turning blue within the tightening grasp.

Harry spoke to the anaconda, _'Let him go now and we will let you live!'_

The snake hissed back_, 'You are puny humans and I see no sharp sticks to keep me from making this human my next meal!'_

Harry assumed that the snake was talking about spears that natives might carry, or arrows perhaps. _'We need no sharp sticks. We can kill you with these sticks if you do not release him.'_

'_Your sticks are nothing. They will not hurt me.'_

She was growling at Severus and Harry heard her say, '''The skin is too thick for you to get through.'''

He was distracted as Severus answered her in a similar growl, '''We can get through it with our magic, but we cannot hurt Draco at the same time.'''

In the back of his mind Harry realized that he had been blind to what Severus probably was. He had been given so many clues and it just now began to be clearer. He shook his head and hissed back at the snake_, 'The sticks do not need to be sharp. Let him go and we will allow you to return to your younglings.'_

The snake relaxed a fraction and gazed raptly at Harry. _'You would not dare to harm my younglings…they are newly hatched…'_

'_Let him go and you can go back to them and protect them. If you kill him we will kill you and hunt them.'_

The anaconda relaxed a bit more but did not uncoil from around the blond whose eyes were now shut in a purpling face. _'You lie, human… you are tricking me out of my prey…'_

Harry pointed his wand at the snakes tail and shouted "Sectumsempra!"

Across the way, Severus and She reacted to the curse, She leaping back onto the snake behind its head and Severus yelling out a "Levicorpus!" at Draco.

The snake had loosened her grip considerably when Harry's spell cut her deeply in several places. Severus had Draco levitated out of her coils and to an area behind him and then turned back to the snake.

She had finally bitten her way through the snakes' neck and had jumped away again, this time to Harry's side.

The snake was hissing in pain, twisting around in squirming coils as it looked to its injured and bleeding tail and tried to twist its head around enough to see the wound inflicted by She.

'_I did not see sharp __ssticks…I hurt and bleed…'_

Harry hissed back_, 'We will hurt you more if you do not leave now. Do not come back or we will hurt you more and hunt your young.'_

The anaconda glared at him and then flicked her tongue out at him, holding it for a long moment, as if to remember his scent. _'One human has never been enough to stop me…'_

Harry narrowed his eyes at her. _'I am not one. The other human would have killed you immediately. Next time he will. He will not speak to you and ask you to leave like I did.'_

'_You are a foolish human to let an enemy go…'_

'_I've been told that.'_

'_But I am glad to return to my younglings…'_ The snake moved at a speed that belied her size and was gone into the foliage almost faster than Harry could blink.

Harry lowered his wand with a shaky sigh and She butted his hand with her head. He petted her before moving to where Severus was crouched over Draco.

Severus glanced at him briefly before saying, "Open the tent door so I can levitate him inside the wards. I need to assess him further."

Harry did not hesitate to open the canvas to their tent, bypassing Draco's. Severus moved the blond to the lower bunk and began a rapid scan with his wand.

"Most of his ribs have been broken and one has punctured a lung. I need the medical kit."

Harry brought it to him quickly and watched as Severus withdrew several potion vials. When Severus indicated that Harry should help, Harry quickly moved to hold up Draco's head while Severus poured the potions into Draco's mouth.

"Will he be alright?" Harry asked quietly.

Severus gently pushed the hair out of Draco's face and nodded. "A few moments more and he might have been deprived too long of oxygen. As it is, I cannot be sure if it we got him out in time."

Harry closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I was trying to get the snake to let him go and I should have just killed her."

Severus grasped his arm. "No. Do not blame yourself. The anaconda was one of the largest I've seen."

"But if I had just killed her when she grabbed Draco-"

Severus gave him a shake. "It would have tightened faster and harder in its death throws. Draco would have died instantly."

Harry searched the black eyes for honesty before nodding. "It was much smaller than the basilisk in second year, though. But I did have a sharp pointy stick to do that job with."

Severus was looking at him oddly and Harry explained, "The snake was saying that we could not hurt it with our puny sticks, that we did not have sharp sticks to stop her. I am guessing she meant spears or arrows. I tried to explain that we didn't need sharp sticks when we had wands. It didn't believe me so I cast -…" He swallowed thickly, remembering when he last cast the Sectumsempra at Draco. "I cast the spell at her tail because I didn't want to hit Draco. I just wanted her to let him go. It had a nest of young. I didn't want to take her away from them."

Severus gazed up at him and nodded in understanding. "And with the basilisk? You say it was a bit larger?"

"Professor Dumbledore never told you?" Harry asked in surprise.

Severus shook his head. "Albus believes that details are best kept to himself. He did not want them to somehow get back to the Dark Lord if I had them in my mind."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, it was a lot bigger. I'd say forty-fifty feet long. But Fawkes brought me the Sword of Gryffindor and I killed it with that. That was my 'pointy stick'."

A groan from Draco brought their attention back to the bed before Severus could express his disbelief at Harry's claim.

Harry transformed back to Haja before Draco opened his eyes. He went to the door of the tent and poked his head out. She was laying in front of the doorway and she accepted his head-butt of greeting.

'''Is the other human living?''' she asked.

'''Yes. Severus is taking care of him. He says that Draco has broken ribs and a punctured lung. He may have been without oxygen for too long. But, he just woke up, and I think that's a good sign.'''

She batted him gently with a big paw. '''You were very brave.'''

He leaned into her chest as She purred. Inside the tent, Draco's voice was rising in hysteria.

"Severus, I'm telling you; I saw Potter! He was standing there with that big snake, and he was telling it to eat me!"

"Draco, don't be ridiculous-'

"Then why am I here in this bed? The snake tried to eat me, didn't it?"

"It was stopped before that happened. Now lay still. You have numerous broken ribs that need to heal."

Haja tuned out the next bit of whining as he soaked up She's approval.

**A/N:** I wrote this chapter while on vacation with my family in South Fork, Colorado. Beautiful mountains! It was 48 degrees this morning, a far cry from the heat of Texas! I will be sad to go back tomorrow to the July heat, but I will be anxious to post this on Monday. We haven't had internet service at our cabin, so things have been sort of low-tech. But that's okay. We all need a break from the internet distractions! If you ever have an urge to see Colorado, I can definitely recommend this area! Message me for the details. Lots of cabin owners rent their properties and it's way better than staying in impersonal motels or hotels! There are lots of camping possibilities if that's your preference. Lots of outdoor activities to do! My family has had a blast!

Back to Haja- enjoy the chapter! I enjoy your reviews so much! They make me want to write more! Just a teensy reminder to those who might be inclined to nitpick details… this is fanfic. I take real life details and use them how they best fit into the story. That means I write it like I want to, and the characters say, know, and do as I wish. She knows about the lions of Africa because She just does. Maybe there is some sort of universal connection amongst felines. It's a story. If you can't enjoy it for enjoyments sake, then don't read fanfic!

JKR owns all the characters from her creations. I do not. She has the money. I do not, nor do I make any profit from this hobby. It's all hers and I thank her for letting me play here!


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